Need URGENT help - Have seriously mentally ill young adult child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I am so sorry for this difficult path for you and your AC. I do not have any suggestions for care. I am just starting this path with my 20 year old bipolar son. He barely made it through his sophomore year, and had two cycles this year. I am trying hard to keep him compliant with his meds.

Please join us at NAMI. Joining NAMI and attending their free 8 week course called Family to Family, helped my own mental health. It gave me a group of parents who have walked the path before me and with me. A support group for you is vital.

https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9YAAW

I am so sorry that you are suffering too. I hope your son stays medicine complaint!

Not sure when our country will focus medical research to contain mental health pandemic. Right now, the care and success rate is extremely disheartening.

I am attending NAMI classes and support group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any specific advice but stand by your child. His safety and health are more important than employment. In decades and decades of life he'll get to live, taking an year to get better is like one on a 100 count prayer bead.

Thank you for chiming in. Yes, I have gotten better perspective over last couple of years and know that DC's well-being is most important. Hope we have a little breakthrough some day soon. Right now, it is all very dark!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve got an adult kid in a similar situation but not as chaotic. I would definitely take the car away. Try to learn about resources from local NAMI participant parents.

I do think in 20 years we will be embarrassed at allowing the mentally ill to be homeless and “free.” It’s a terrible overextension of personal liberty.

Johns Hopkins has a schizophrenia center if you’re closer to Baltimore. Call!

I have no idea how to take DC's car away without causing extremely meltdown, fight and police intervention. I will look into JH Schizo center. Thank you for your suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all it's a disease, don't blame your child and who cares what their GPA was or is. stop with expectations. Recovery is possible but you also have to change. with that said this sounds just like one of our kids. Is there substance abuse? It sure sounds like it especially with the
psychosis. They need to want to get better and you have to have strong boundaries and not enable which is extremely difficult because you don't want to see a child go through this.

Seeing they are over 18 your options are limited and they will drain you of yourself without the boundaries.

Seek help for yourself if they are not going to get help, heck, even if they do get help, get some for yourself. therapy is a good things and don't shame this situation.

I am typing this fast and lacking sleep for days together. So I am not eloquent and may have miscommunicated. I do not care about the GPA or blame DC for the disease. I am just feeling hopeless with the lack of support system for seriously mentally unwell AC who are expected to decide about their own healthcare. Mental sick patients lack the capacity to make self-preserving decision and yet out healthcare burdens them with the decision! How do parents let kids wither away?

I am attending NAMI classes and trying to educate myself fast. Yet I find this whole situation lacking solution. Is there any experienced parents who know any other way than letting adult mentally ill child languish?

The problem is that it’s virtually impossible to hospitalize an adult for any length of time beyond when they’re a danger to self or others unless they’ve committed a crime. And without hospitalization, stabilization is hard. People with serious mental illness need medication, along with other supports.

This link has some resources that may be helpful: https://nationalepinet.org/resources/clients-and-families/

The RAISE/EpiNet initiative is a real success from NIMH and has helped a lot of people with psychosis, and their families. The model of care the clinics use is called Coordinated Speciality Care. It’s easier said than done, but it’s the gold standard treatment for young adults in this situation.

Is the link above for families with repeat psychosis? I will try to reach out to them and see if I can get some help for DC. Thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if any of the doctors or hospitals mentioned cannabis induced psychosis or drug-induced psychosis brought on by hallucinogenics like LSD or DMT? Have they put him on anti-psychotic medications? Also, has he been told that any drugs (including cannabis) taken after a drug-induced psychosis, puts him at risk for longer and worse psychotic episodes, which can turn into full-blown schizophrenia? The marijuana kids get now is much more potent than olden days and the new hallucinogenic drugs like DMT are being promoted by celebrities, without any discussion of negative impact (sometimes permanent) on teenage/young adult brains (like actual brain damage). I am only asking because if he is being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorders, it may be related to continued drug use and he needs to go to a detox/rehab that also treats mental illness.

Yes, DC has been advised against smoking marijuana and has been told that heavy use of marijuana could induce psychosis. Since DC lacks insight into own illness, ignores doctors advices as Not Applicable! The Detox/Rehab will only work if Dc agrees that smoking is a trigger or a accelerator for psychosis. It has been the biggest challenge of my life and some days I feel like I may not live to see my DC happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia the local CSBs offer the “gold standard” schizophrenia care—but are understaffed and my local one wouldn’t take my adult kid—because he did not have Medicaid.

If you want legal guardianship I would call the Arc of Nova. They’re organized more for childhood disabilities but have a lot of great lawyers and advice on guardianship. And services are fairly cheap for disability trusts.

I live in Maryland. Is there a place like this in MD? Also I do not have legal guardianship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve got an adult kid in a similar situation but not as chaotic. I would definitely take the car away. Try to learn about resources from local NAMI participant parents.

I do think in 20 years we will be embarrassed at allowing the mentally ill to be homeless and “free.” It’s a terrible overextension of personal liberty.

Johns Hopkins has a schizophrenia center if you’re closer to Baltimore. Call!

I have no idea how to take DC's car away without causing extremely meltdown, fight and police intervention. I will look into JH Schizo center. Thank you for your suggestions.

Different PP here who did take the car away. What we did was have him buy the car, financed through us, and provided him with information on how to get insurance. He paid us for the car but has not been able to afford the insurance. It kind of sucks for him because his car sits in our driveway. Fortunately he’s compliant with not driving without insurance. And we took the keys until he gives us proof of insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've had some great advice here.

I'd only add that he needs to really want to take his meds, and that won't happen if he has easy access to all the basics, such as a car and a roof over his head. You need to take away privileges like the car and even staying with you. Also, he's probably using the car to get drugs.

Here's an example, on the assumption that his psychosis is drug-induced and that he's self-medicating the major depression. You could require him to pay rent and fill the gas tank, with the understanding that if he doesn't he'll need to move to a half-way or Oxford house for recovering addicts (that you'd pay for).

Most people with schizophrenia don’t know they’re ill. I believe OP knows this, but a patient is not going to voluntarily accept treatment if he’s not ill. I think the vast majority of people do not understand that the poor patient is 100% convinced they’re ok!
Also, many schizophrenics are self-medicating with alcohol and pot. If the hospitals have diagnosed several times as Sch, then it’s not a drug psychosis.

Best to you on getting guardianship. A few Virginia courts have mental health dockets but not in Nova.

You are right about DC's insight issues. Guardianship fight would put DC into battle royale and I am DC may run away from home putting own-self in danger. DC is a pre-law major (very good one at that) and would not submit to parents control over medical decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard of people taking their adult child to Florida to get child involuntary admitted to a mental hospital under the Baker Act. I think you need to consult a Florida lawyer, bug it can be done.

OP here. I respect your opinion, but would not take Dc to another state just to have involuntary committed, especially when I know DC's condition is chronic and requires life long medication. Breaking Dc to get temporary relief is not a path I would chose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all it's a disease, don't blame your child and who cares what their GPA was or is. stop with expectations. Recovery is possible but you also have to change. with that said this sounds just like one of our kids. Is there substance abuse? It sure sounds like it especially with the
psychosis. They need to want to get better and you have to have strong boundaries and not enable which is extremely difficult because you don't want to see a child go through this.

Seeing they are over 18 your options are limited and they will drain you of yourself without the boundaries.

Seek help for yourself if they are not going to get help, heck, even if they do get help, get some for yourself. therapy is a good things and don't shame this situation.

I am typing this fast and lacking sleep for days together. So I am not eloquent and may have miscommunicated. I do not care about the GPA or blame DC for the disease. I am just feeling hopeless with the lack of support system for seriously mentally unwell AC who are expected to decide about their own healthcare. Mental sick patients lack the capacity to make self-preserving decision and yet out healthcare burdens them with the decision! How do parents let kids wither away?

I am attending NAMI classes and trying to educate myself fast. Yet I find this whole situation lacking solution. Is there any experienced parents who know any other way than letting adult mentally ill child languish?

They don't. But their hands are tied. My brother had schizophrenia w/ hallucinations and manic depression. I went through his phone after he flew off his high rise balcony to his death and found VERY disturbing things. Sigh. We tried but it was in one hospital and out in a week. In another and out in 2 weeks. He would not take the meds as he thought the demons in them were trying to control his brain. The things he typed maniacally for 3 days and nights straight were mind-blowing and straight up pulp fiction. I tried to get private help but he would not consent. He was so sweet a soul and so very intelligent but once them ind goes, it is hard. I joined NAMI and Suicide Awareness groups and realized the best "survivors" were in a residential facility as a teen (16/17) and learned coping skills, med regulation, and strategies for getting a job, keeping a job, forming healthy relationships and coping with stress. If you can get him to ever consent to a residential facility, take him immediately. I am so very sorry you are going through this. Mental illness has shredded my family up.

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I cannot imagine your pain.

I am not sure Dc is ready for a residential facility, but willing to try intensive therapy. I am hoping the therapist team may be able to influence DC's decision to go to that kind of a facility and make be medicine complaint. At this time we are working on getting DC to actually start therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP.

My husband is diagnosed schizoaffective. His mother hospitalized him involuntarily in 2001 when he was 19. He is 41 now. I've heard that the condition chills out with age and that seems true in DH's case. He lives a generally normal and peaceful life, even if more intense than most people. Definitely now DH is in the realm of eccentric rather than out of control. Your DC is not doomed to a terrible, chaotic existence. That said, I wanted to share some from DH's experience that may be useful to you:

- The involuntary hospitalizations can be an extremely traumatic experience. Many people argue that this cure is worse than the disease. True for my DH. I would suggest you tread lightly here. For many, many people the harm from hospitalizations/psychiatry has been severe. You'd dowell to consider their experiences. See "Inner Compass Initiative" and Mad in America for in depth on this. Not that you must agree with them, but they are also speaking from very much experience and are worth listening for more informed decisions.

-DH says that when his symptoms are acting up, oftentimes these are distress signals that are drawing attention to some underlying physical condition. For example, when without symptoms, he loves coffee. With symptoms, he gets bad indigestion from coffee, among other physical changes at time of a mental flare up. This mind/body connection may be worth looking into for your DC.

- People with a mental illness are far more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators. Along this line but less obvious is that when a person has a diagnosis like schizoaffective, it's too easy for family to treat them like second class citizens, to dismiss their concerns, that their hostility or disagreeableness is a symptom of disease rather than a legitimate reaction to hard circumstances. Probably in most cases, this will make the interactions far worse. Try your best to hear your child and to understand them.

- Do not underestimate the impact of your actions on your child's reactions and behaviors, try not to confuse their dismiss their real, legitimate frustration as symptoms that must be numbed and silenced.

Thank you so much for your insight. Yes, after 4 hospitalizations I agree that the involuntary hospitalization has been traumatic for Dc and for us and yet has delivered nothing. Right now, we are trying to see how to keep DC not flare up. I also believe that the mentally ill are poorly treated and disrespected. I am extra careful now to listen to DC's thoughts behind the disorderly monologues and outburst. Trying to address what DC is bothered about as much possible. Yet sometime it feels very hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia the local CSBs offer the “gold standard” schizophrenia care—but are understaffed and my local one wouldn’t take my adult kid—because he did not have Medicaid.

If you want legal guardianship I would call the Arc of Nova. They’re organized more for childhood disabilities but have a lot of great lawyers and advice on guardianship. And services are fairly cheap for disability trusts.

I worked for the CSB and have for years advocated and begged that admissions are about severity of illness rather than type of insurance. The CSB is best for severe mental illness because team approach is needed. You can pay thousands out of pocket but a private psychiatrist and private therapist while maybe more invested in your kid do not have the infrastructure needed for best outcomes.
Try to find an advocate so your kid can get into the CSB. Do you live in Fairfax?
Also--please check with your psychiatrist if kid can go on long acting injectable? These give the best outcomes in your situation.
I worry about your kid driving--you may rethink if they should have access to a car.

Trying to get CSB equivalent figured out in MD. Taking car away is a dire choice at this time, but I may change my mind...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister of a now 54 yo schizophrenic brother (and I know he's not his illness just added for context.) I can't say enough good things about CSB once your are in the system, esp if you can get a placement in NoVA. My brother was med compliant for the most part, but not when his living situation was chaotic. Thus the love for the CSB provided ACR. That said couple of other nuts and bolts ideas. Has he/you applied for SSDI or Medicaid? If not please explore that. And if not possible ie not enough work quarters, check into your own health insurance to see what the rules are for keeping him covered.

Not sure any of this is helpful, but please know I am so sorry that your son and you are experiencing this.

Current Dc is under my insurance. I may have to claim disability when DC reaches 26.

Thank you for your compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP - You need to consider the use of the car if you own it as you would be held liable for any accident. We are in VA so the idea of NAMI and the CSB are excellent. Check the similar system in MD. Wherever DS is living, be sure no weapons are in the house. Since aggression against family members can happen, you need to consider impact on any siblings long term and get some professional counseling on how to balance support for this DS and that of other family members. NAMI will be a sounding board for you and other family members to find local resources and to have honest feedback on what you can do.
Until DS accepts the need for medication, there is little chance hospitalization or therapy will help.

If there is one thing that might be a neutral starting point, I would suggest to encourage any physical activity DS might be interested in doing — outside at this time of year would be best. The exercise could be the first step I. Developing a daily routine and is often a way to reduce anxiety in folks. Through an interest one might also find interaction with other adults such as swimming, running. Hiking, biking etc. If joining a community center or gym was doable, again aplace to go daily despite weather.

Considerations

- If DS is older than 26 and no longer on your family insurance, you may want to see if he could qualify for Medicaid as an individual if there services he needs could be covered by it. You may have to consider just how much you could cover as private pay.

- In time, if DS does accept treatment, he may also qualify for job related services in Virginia through the DARS -
Department of Aging & Rehabilitative Services. These services could be in job search, job training and job support. In any area it would be under vocational services. These services do not need Medicaid.

- You may want to look at your future planning fir him to set up the appropriate trust mechanism so that any fun’s you would leave for him could not be accessed all at once. There are different options.

- Maybe see if there are any non-specific support grouos for young adults with various challenges including substance abuse, unemployment, mental health etc. That could simply be given to DS if he wanted to try to attend.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful post. I will definitely look into setting up the trust. Dc is not physically active. Will try if I can get DC to join something that may help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP - Other things I wanted to look up for DS

- On health care coverage, if you had the resources and wanted to keep the option of a good family health insurance, at age 26, DS could be covered at the rate of a single adult for three more years.

- On outpatient treatment , one program I have seen is The Dorm serving 18-30 year olds. This might be a resource for the future to know about.

- Finally, the idea of DS making a positive connection to others not necessarily focused in mental health might come looking at all the various options of under “Men’s Support Groups”

Thank you so much for your suggestion. I will check The Dorm and see if DC will be willing to go there.