Unfriendly Classmate

[Anonymous]

Maybe your daughter is unfriendly/mean to her at school. Maybe the girl has anxiety or special needs.

This is not even a problem.

[Anonymous]

Rude and mean are not the same thing! Stop judging a child's manners and get over this.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, but you sound like the mean girl here. You need to teach your daughter to stop taking things so personally and stop being so self-centered. Not everything is about her. The other girl is probably very introverted and very shy. This isn't about manners, it's about anxiety. Get over your popularity contest. You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a girl at DD’s bus stop (they usually are the only ones there in the morning) and they are in the same grade. They are 8 turning 9 and this girl will not even acknowledge my daughter. At first I chalked it up to her being a little shy and my DD is a bit more outgoing.

But as the year goes on, the more I get annoyed by it. I’ve seen my DD wave hi, say good morning and this girl straight up ignores her. She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. It’s starting to make my DD feel uncomfortable. She keeps saying “Larla just doesn’t like me”

My question is… the mom of this girl is VERY vocal about kids not being friendly/kind/etc in our grade. It’s a frequent topic of hers… the hypocrisy is starting to grate on me. Would you say something the next time she brings this up?

I had an adult do this to me when I was a kid. I went to the a sandwich place every Sunday and was always very smiley and polite to the very surly and rude cashier. Then one day the cashier randomly broke down, gave me several dozen free sandwich coupons, cried and told my parents I was the nicest girl. You never know what’s going on with people.

[Anonymous]

I would let it go, OP. It sounds like this girl is being rude to your daughter and her mother is a hypocrite, but sadly there are people like this everywhere. I would tell your daughter to ignore this girl back. Don’t say hi, don’t ask her about her day, etc. That’s what I would do as an adult if someone repeatedly ignored me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to commiserate a bit. My DD has a girl like this in her dance class. DD is gregarious and loves dance, and greets her classmates and says goodbye to them by name. She doesn't pester or annoy them, just says "Hi Larla" or whatever. There is one classmate who not only never reciprocates but I have seen her visibly roll her eyes at my DD when she greets her. And again, it's not even some aggressive move -- I watched this interaction last week when we were leaving and my DD said "See you next week" to the girl in passing as we walked out, and the girl looked at her, grimaced, and rolled her eyes. Her mom was right there but I don't think saw the behavior.

I've taught my DD to be polite to other people and let her know that while she absolutely does not have to be friends with everyone, being polite costs you absolutely nothing. It's a shame how many other parents don't seem to bother with this.

This has happened to my daughter a few times as well. Some girls are just mean and their parents watch the behavior and do nothing. It's inexplicable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to commiserate a bit. My DD has a girl like this in her dance class. DD is gregarious and loves dance, and greets her classmates and says goodbye to them by name. She doesn't pester or annoy them, just says "Hi Larla" or whatever. There is one classmate who not only never reciprocates but I have seen her visibly roll her eyes at my DD when she greets her. And again, it's not even some aggressive move -- I watched this interaction last week when we were leaving and my DD said "See you next week" to the girl in passing as we walked out, and the girl looked at her, grimaced, and rolled her eyes. Her mom was right there but I don't think saw the behavior.

I've taught my DD to be polite to other people and let her know that while she absolutely does not have to be friends with everyone, being polite costs you absolutely nothing. It's a shame how many other parents don't seem to bother with this.

This has happened to my daughter a few times as well. Some girls are just mean and their parents watch the behavior and do nothing. It's inexplicable.

But this girl isn't rolling her eyes or making faces????? She just isn't talking to her DD at the bus stop.

You guys have issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No other kid owes your child friendship. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It is what it is. Teach your child how to exist amid their peers who ignore them, teach them to be strong.

Does saying good morning imply a friendship request?

[Anonymous]

Just a note to say not ALL children are on the spectrum, spectrum adjacent, have an anxiety disorder, or some other excuse as a reason to be rude to others. Seriously some people are just rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a note to say not ALL children are on the spectrum, spectrum adjacent, have an anxiety disorder, or some other excuse as a reason to be rude to others. Seriously some people are just rude.

23489237493 people have already said this. OP is agreeing with all of them, why do you need to post this?

I tell my socially awkward girl that people may think she's rude.. I guess I'm right. People suck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to commiserate a bit. My DD has a girl like this in her dance class. DD is gregarious and loves dance, and greets her classmates and says goodbye to them by name. She doesn't pester or annoy them, just says "Hi Larla" or whatever. There is one classmate who not only never reciprocates but I have seen her visibly roll her eyes at my DD when she greets her. And again, it's not even some aggressive move -- I watched this interaction last week when we were leaving and my DD said "See you next week" to the girl in passing as we walked out, and the girl looked at her, grimaced, and rolled her eyes. Her mom was right there but I don't think saw the behavior.

I've taught my DD to be polite to other people and let her know that while she absolutely does not have to be friends with everyone, being polite costs you absolutely nothing. It's a shame how many other parents don't seem to bother with this.

This has happened to my daughter a few times as well. Some girls are just mean and their parents watch the behavior and do nothing. It's inexplicable.

But this girl isn't rolling her eyes or making faces????? She just isn't talking to her DD at the bus stop.

You guys have issues

When someone says good morning or hello, you say hello back. That's it. That's all the OP was saying in her original post. To not do so is rude.

We're talking common courtesy and living in society and community together and basics. I DGAF if you are shy or anxious. You can muster up a hello back and if you can't seek meds or therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a note to say not ALL children are on the spectrum, spectrum adjacent, have an anxiety disorder, or some other excuse as a reason to be rude to others. Seriously some people are just rude.

23489237493 people have already said this. OP is agreeing with all of them, why do you need to post this?

I tell my socially awkward girl that people may think she's rude.. I guess I'm right. People suck

You certainly do. Stop lashing out at people for your failure to parent your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. My daughter is like the child you are describing and she is very shy/has social anxiety. We have been working really, really hard on getting her to wave back to people who say hi to her, to look at people when they talk to her, etc., but it has been really, really hard. One thing I tell her is that unfortunately, other kids are going to think she's rude for not saying hello back to them, but she's not TRYING to be mean or TRYING to be rude, she just really has a hard time in social situations.

Fortunately for my daughter, the kids in her grade ARE very kind and have a lot of empathy towards her. There are several whose parents have clearly explained to them that my daughter is not mean, she's just very shy, and they keep saying hi, and she has finally started looking up and saying hi back to them.

I'm glad to live in an area with people who are kind and have empathy and not around people like you who just automatically assume the worst of people.

For every kid with a story like this there are dozens of kids who are just rude. I've seen it with my own eyes. They are perfectly capable of greeting others when it suits them and then rude some of the time.

It's not assuming the worst, it's assuming what's likely going on which is what we all do every day in countless situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a note to say not ALL children are on the spectrum, spectrum adjacent, have an anxiety disorder, or some other excuse as a reason to be rude to others. Seriously some people are just rude.

23489237493 people have already said this. OP is agreeing with all of them, why do you need to post this?

I tell my socially awkward girl that people may think she's rude.. I guess I'm right. People suck

You certainly do. Stop lashing out at people for your failure to parent your child.

Or sincerely, get them help. There are therapists that can role play all of this stuff. Help your child. This is extreme anxiety and is affecting their life. My kid had something kind of like this going on that was affecting his life and we got him help.

[Anonymous]

I agree not to say anything to the other parent. Just continue to say hi or good morning to the mom and daughter at the bus stop, whether or not one or both of them return your greeting. That is being polite and is showing by example to your daughter about how to be polite.

As for your daughter, I also agree with what others posted here, that it could be a good learning experience. She may say that the girl doesn’t like her, and you can take the opportunity to say that everybody doesn’t always like everybody else or is friends with everybody and that is OK. You could also take the opportunity to talk about how sometimes you don’t know what somebody else is feeling. The other girl may be quiet or shy, or may be nervous or anxious about school, or may be super tired or grumpy and doesn’t like to talk in the morning.

What you want your daughter to know is it is kind and thoughtful to greet people she knows or new people she meets, regardless of whether she is ignored. If she is feeling hurt by saying hello, or good morning to the other girl and not getting a reply, you could suggest that she wave or smile instead. And then take the opportunity to talk to your daughter about how good it is to focus on her friends and friendships, and being a kind person, even if others may not be the same.