Advice for daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your H is not responsible for your in laws behavior, he can not change them or fix them.

When they say something rude or negative it's more about what you represent that she could not be. If she is good at something (cooking for me) she will constantly point out how much better she is at that. Kill her with kindness, tell her she is better.

We literally save shirts with bad stains for when my MIL comes over and say "only you can get it out"... it make her feel needed and useful and better at something.

We also (she is a good cook) compliment her cooking.

She, OTOH, is on many ways completely insane. We ignore her insaneness when she is here and giggle about it later.

Se removed a plant from my son's room because it would use up all the oxygen. I mean, what are you going to do with that? We laugh about our room with plants that it's pretty but hard to breath.

My H is way more stressed out that he can't control his parents than I am.

Also tell my son's that a daughter has a 50% chance she feels like a 5 year old every time her mom shows up, be kind to her during these times. Many moms make their daughters feel very, very, very small and the anxiety response is high, these are dangerous times that you can get in a big fight simply because her mom is making her feel inadequate. It's might be her dad too but less so.

I also say to my son, you need to tell me what I do that bothers you/her. I am a work in progress even though I am older... I've never been a MIL, grandparents, etc.

You have a good attitude. You will make a fine MIL.

+1

Attitude is key to being a good MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are their class enemy. They won’t be always militant but your interests and theirs are complete opposites.
Don’t get to close to them, don’t overshare, try to present yourself in the best light possible whenever it doesn’t involve huge effort
Let them have plenty of time with just their son and your son and their grandkids. Most likely they won’t be sad if you don’t show up.
Don’t expect them to treat you the same as their son. The main gifts are for him.

And what about them? Do you recommend them to be as defensive and skeptic?

[Anonymous]

Imho if you care for your children, you would care for their partners too because of ripple effect.

Its just common sense that by creating problems for them, you creat problems for your own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great relationship with MIL. My mom had a great relationship with hers. Siblings have find relationships with their MILa. SILs seem to have great relationships. Ditto for most cousins.
No one ever talked about the relationship or prepared any of us for how to deal with in-law relationships. IMO if you have strong family relationships, learn to respect others, then you simply have to be open to building a relationship with spouses family.

"Simply". Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he says “blood is thicker than water” during a heated argument, run.

Or “my house is your house.”