Negative impact of therapy and "therapy speak"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think therapists need to have a little less empathy/validation and a little more practical skills building and critical thought.

Totally agree with this. More than half the time the reason the person is in therapy to begin with is bc they are lacking some basic skills or thought processes needed to thrive. Therapy should be teaching these not validating dysfunction.

It's not as straightforward as it seems. The therapist is working with how receptive the patient is.

My DH's therapist gives him very practical solutions. The key is that he is very receptive to solutions. His brain is in " Problem, freak out". The moment anyone suggest a reasonable solution, he is good to go. A good friend could do this for him .

The problem is many people who need therapy are stuck in " I have a problem" but can't easily turn it off when the therapist offers a solution. So the therapist is stuck in dissecting the problem because that is where the patient is. I have relatives who have this dynamic with their therapist. The therapist has to go back to the problem because tge patient is not receptive to solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think therapists need to have a little less empathy/validation and a little more practical skills building and critical thought.

Totally agree with this. More than half the time the reason the person is in therapy to begin with is bc they are lacking some basic skills or thought processes needed to thrive. Therapy should be teaching these not validating dysfunction.

Yes, yes, yes! And so many therapists have their own issues, too many are content to encourage victimhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think therapists need to have a little less empathy/validation and a little more practical skills building and critical thought.

Totally agree with this. More than half the time the reason the person is in therapy to begin with is bc they are lacking some basic skills or thought processes needed to thrive. Therapy should be teaching these not validating dysfunction.

I agree 100%. I saw a therapist as a depressed teenager and self-reflection was the #1 impact I took away from those sessions. I learned to be more honest to myself. I had a bad boyfriend, I took it out on my parents unfairly, I was too reliant on what I thought other people thought, etc.

My SIL has been seeing the same therapist for over 20 years and often says things like "I don't know what I would do without her!" But I have not seen any significant improvement in those decades. Her OCD has not improved and she still won't travel or stay in hotels. Her anxiety has not improved and she still can't hold down a job. Her therapist affirms her situation, which makes her feel good in the moment, but nothing changes.

I think therapy is so deeply personal and is as flawed as the humans who practice it and the people who need it. If someone just wants validation, they will shop around until they find someone who will validate them and then bask in the support. If someone is open to change, then therapy can be a huge help (assuming they also find the right therapist to promote change).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think therapists need to have a little less empathy/validation and a little more practical skills building and critical thought.

Totally agree with this. More than half the time the reason the person is in therapy to begin with is bc they are lacking some basic skills or thought processes needed to thrive. Therapy should be teaching these not validating dysfunction.

I agree 100%. I saw a therapist as a depressed teenager and self-reflection was the #1 impact I took away from those sessions. I learned to be more honest to myself. I had a bad boyfriend, I took it out on my parents unfairly, I was too reliant on what I thought other people thought, etc.

My SIL has been seeing the same therapist for over 20 years and often says things like "I don't know what I would do without her!" But I have not seen any significant improvement in those decades. Her OCD has not improved and she still won't travel or stay in hotels. Her anxiety has not improved and she still can't hold down a job. Her therapist affirms her situation, which makes her feel good in the moment, but nothing changes.

I think therapy is so deeply personal and is as flawed as the humans who practice it and the people who need it. If someone just wants validation, they will shop around until they find someone who will validate them and then bask in the support. If someone is open to change, then therapy can be a huge help (assuming they also find the right therapist to promote change).

Ugh I think this is what happens with my mother. She is so happy she has discovered therapy in the last 10 years and wants everyone to know how much it benefits her. But from what I can see her anxiety and patterns are the same.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if people are so socially isolated these days that they are using their therapists as friend replacements instead of for therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend who is really critical of others and also really sensitive. Things that seem like no big deal to me are really hurtful to her and she will ruminate on them for a long time. She also will “cut people off” if she doesn’t feel sufficiently appreciated, reciprocated, etc. She is single and in her late 40s now and has been an avid therapy goer since her 20s. She often uses language her therapist gives her to justify pushing people away or cutting them off - or she will describe an event and before I even react, she adds that her therapist agrees with her.

It makes me sad for her because I feel like her therapist has coached and encourage her to push people away under the guise of “protecting herself from toxic people” - which just makes her more dependent on the therapist. I think she is genuinely hurting so I don’t want to say she’s overly sensitive or overreacting - but it seems like she’s spent decades with therapists who tell her what she wants to hear and support her avoiding anything difficult instead of learning how to advocate for herself and work towards positive relationships. When a therapist eventually does get to a point of asking her to do something hard, she leaves and finds another therapist and starts the cycle all over.

This describes an old college friend of mine to a tee. Mostly her angst is that her father favored her elder sister more. Its been years since her dad passed away but she is as critcial to others as she claims her dad was towards her. The sad part is that I mostly becomes a substitute target for her sister because she thinks that life's rewards comes easily to me. Since I have very good relationships with my family (birth and ILs), my dad and brothers dote on me, my mom talks to me every day...it makes her very angry. I feel sorry for her pain but 20+ years of therapy has messed her up more. She had turned into an angry whack job and the therapy has fed into her negativity. There is zero acceptance. She talked about "nursing her pain" and I think she completely misunderstood what it means. Instead of healing, acceptance and letting go, she justifies her pain and the lens through which she views the world. She is 57 and I feel that I do not owe it to her to point out the errors of her ways. I let her be, I tolerate her and I live my own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think therapists need to have a little less empathy/validation and a little more practical skills building and critical thought.

Totally agree with this. More than half the time the reason the person is in therapy to begin with is bc they are lacking some basic skills or thought processes needed to thrive. Therapy should be teaching these not validating dysfunction.

I agree 100%. I saw a therapist as a depressed teenager and self-reflection was the #1 impact I took away from those sessions. I learned to be more honest to myself. I had a bad boyfriend, I took it out on my parents unfairly, I was too reliant on what I thought other people thought, etc.

My SIL has been seeing the same therapist for over 20 years and often says things like "I don't know what I would do without her!" But I have not seen any significant improvement in those decades. Her OCD has not improved and she still won't travel or stay in hotels. Her anxiety has not improved and she still can't hold down a job. Her therapist affirms her situation, which makes her feel good in the moment, but nothing changes.

I think therapy is so deeply personal and is as flawed as the humans who practice it and the people who need it. If someone just wants validation, they will shop around until they find someone who will validate them and then bask in the support. If someone is open to change, then therapy can be a huge help (assuming they also find the right therapist to promote change).

You are agreeing with the PP, yet also admitting that people get from therapy what they want to get.

Growth is from within. The therapist will help you grow if you want to. Nut the therapist cannot make you grow if you are not interested. Youd hyst find another one. If you are just looking for a place to whine, they will be that place for you. And that is a great service to us family and friends who don't want to listen to that crap all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

It was an online therapist during Covid who put the idea into my kid’s head that transgenderism might fix everything. Out of nowhere.

This happened to my son, too. He has OCD, with scrupulosity and gender focused anxiety, all exacerbated by puberty and the pandemic. He wondered aloud if he could be trans and she jumped right on it. Told him it was a big breakthrough, encouraged him to visit numerous gender affirming websites, etc. Interestingly, his anxiety and OCD symptoms increased. It was an elaborate extrication process getting him away from that quack. 1.5 years later, his OCD is well managed and he is 100% certain he is male and is comfortable and happy with that fact.

How did he get to the point where he had OCD with “scrupulously and gender focused anxiety” in the first place? Hmm? Why was he wondering about being trans in the first place? What were you doing or not doing at home that led to that?

DP. Are you kidding me? It seems like half of my teen’s friends have gender focused anxiety (and at least one has OCD as well). This is ridiculously common these days. Has nothing to do with what parents are or aren’t doing at home.

Yeah, no. I don’t know a single teen or tween who is confused. Sound like you run a weird household and run in some weird circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

It was an online therapist during Covid who put the idea into my kid’s head that transgenderism might fix everything. Out of nowhere.

This happened to my son, too. He has OCD, with scrupulosity and gender focused anxiety, all exacerbated by puberty and the pandemic. He wondered aloud if he could be trans and she jumped right on it. Told him it was a big breakthrough, encouraged him to visit numerous gender affirming websites, etc. Interestingly, his anxiety and OCD symptoms increased. It was an elaborate extrication process getting him away from that quack. 1.5 years later, his OCD is well managed and he is 100% certain he is male and is comfortable and happy with that fact.

How did he get to the point where he had OCD with “scrupulously and gender focused anxiety” in the first place? Hmm? Why was he wondering about being trans in the first place? What were you doing or not doing at home that led to that?

DP. Are you kidding me? It seems like half of my teen’s friends have gender focused anxiety (and at least one has OCD as well). This is ridiculously common these days. Has nothing to do with what parents are or aren’t doing at home.

Yeah, no. I don’t know a single teen or tween who is confused. Sound like you run a weird household and run in some weird circles.

You must live in a conservative area. There are 2 non binary, 1 transgender teens and a 40 yo male neighbor who now wears makeup and dresses. This is in Silver Spring. No one bats an eye at any of it. If my kid started that, my first thought would be she's following the trend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

It was an online therapist during Covid who put the idea into my kid’s head that transgenderism might fix everything. Out of nowhere.

This happened to my son, too. He has OCD, with scrupulosity and gender focused anxiety, all exacerbated by puberty and the pandemic. He wondered aloud if he could be trans and she jumped right on it. Told him it was a big breakthrough, encouraged him to visit numerous gender affirming websites, etc. Interestingly, his anxiety and OCD symptoms increased. It was an elaborate extrication process getting him away from that quack. 1.5 years later, his OCD is well managed and he is 100% certain he is male and is comfortable and happy with that fact.

How did he get to the point where he had OCD with “scrupulously and gender focused anxiety” in the first place? Hmm? Why was he wondering about being trans in the first place? What were you doing or not doing at home that led to that?

DP. Are you kidding me? It seems like half of my teen’s friends have gender focused anxiety (and at least one has OCD as well). This is ridiculously common these days. Has nothing to do with what parents are or aren’t doing at home.

Yeah, no. I don’t know a single teen or tween who is confused. Sound like you run a weird household and run in some weird circles.

My kid’s friends’ mental health issues are indicative of how I run my household? Ok, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

It was an online therapist during Covid who put the idea into my kid’s head that transgenderism might fix everything. Out of nowhere.

This happened to my son, too. He has OCD, with scrupulosity and gender focused anxiety, all exacerbated by puberty and the pandemic. He wondered aloud if he could be trans and she jumped right on it. Told him it was a big breakthrough, encouraged him to visit numerous gender affirming websites, etc. Interestingly, his anxiety and OCD symptoms increased. It was an elaborate extrication process getting him away from that quack. 1.5 years later, his OCD is well managed and he is 100% certain he is male and is comfortable and happy with that fact.

How did he get to the point where he had OCD with “scrupulously and gender focused anxiety” in the first place? Hmm? Why was he wondering about being trans in the first place? What were you doing or not doing at home that led to that?

DP. Are you kidding me? It seems like half of my teen’s friends have gender focused anxiety (and at least one has OCD as well). This is ridiculously common these days. Has nothing to do with what parents are or aren’t doing at home.

Yeah, no. I don’t know a single teen or tween who is confused. Sound like you run a weird household and run in some weird circles.

You must live in a conservative area. There are 2 non binary, 1 transgender teens and a 40 yo male neighbor who now wears makeup and dresses. This is in Silver Spring. No one bats an eye at any of it. If my kid started that, my first thought would be she's following the trend.

+1 My kid is in an arts-focused program in an urban school district and the weird ones would be those who don’t have some sort of gender-based anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. Check your priviilege---it is far easier to maintain sound mental health when you are well resourced and have no genetic predisposition to or family history of mental illness and substance abuse. Many people are not so fortunate.

Some people live in houses with a sturdy foundation and solid materials and they don't need to hire professionals to make major repairs. Other people live in cheaply built homes (genetic predisposition to mental illness/substance abuse) with crumbling foundations (significantly traumatizing developmental years) --and they do everything they can to keep the house standing. We've all hired contractors who suck at their jobs and make our homes worse---that doesn't mean we should never hire a contractor--just that we should be wary of who we hire--and quick to fire an underperforming or sketchy contractor.

I think some people are too quick to take what a random therapist says as gospel--but people also do that with teachers, auto mechanics, physicians, etc.

Maybe you should check yours. Quality mental healthcare like what you describe is generally only available to those who are able to afford it. Most don’t take insurance so therapy is actually a luxury. What’s worse, is that, as another PP pointed out, you barely even know anything about the person you are meeting with the first time before you are stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. Check your priviilege---it is far easier to maintain sound mental health when you are well resourced and have no genetic predisposition to or family history of mental illness and substance abuse. Many people are not so fortunate.

Some people live in houses with a sturdy foundation and solid materials and they don't need to hire professionals to make major repairs. Other people live in cheaply built homes (genetic predisposition to mental illness/substance abuse) with crumbling foundations (significantly traumatizing developmental years) --and they do everything they can to keep the house standing. We've all hired contractors who suck at their jobs and make our homes worse---that doesn't mean we should never hire a contractor--just that we should be wary of who we hire--and quick to fire an underperforming or sketchy contractor.

I think some people are too quick to take what a random therapist says as gospel--but people also do that with teachers, auto mechanics, physicians, etc.

Maybe you should check yours. Quality mental healthcare like what you describe is generally only available to those who are able to afford it. Most don’t take insurance so therapy is actually a luxury. What’s worse, is that, as another PP pointed out, you barely even know anything about the person you are meeting with the first time before you are stuck.

Stuck??

[Anonymous]

I do think there's a level of introspection that's unhealthy. I see it most in younger adults who don't have children yet. I even felt it in myself in my 20s. I felt untethered and had too much time to myself.

Now that I'm a parent it seems unreal to me how some young adults can cut off their parents for such minor things. Like a video I watched recently of a woman blaming her mom (always the mom...) for making her a people pleaser and saying that it was a trauma response. At some point you have to realize that your parents did the best they could do (absent REAL trauma like the ACE indicators) and everyone deserves grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. Check your priviilege---it is far easier to maintain sound mental health when you are well resourced and have no genetic predisposition to or family history of mental illness and substance abuse. Many people are not so fortunate.

Some people live in houses with a sturdy foundation and solid materials and they don't need to hire professionals to make major repairs. Other people live in cheaply built homes (genetic predisposition to mental illness/substance abuse) with crumbling foundations (significantly traumatizing developmental years) --and they do everything they can to keep the house standing. We've all hired contractors who suck at their jobs and make our homes worse---that doesn't mean we should never hire a contractor--just that we should be wary of who we hire--and quick to fire an underperforming or sketchy contractor.

I think some people are too quick to take what a random therapist says as gospel--but people also do that with teachers, auto mechanics, physicians, etc.

Maybe you should check yours. Quality mental healthcare like what you describe is generally only available to those who are able to afford it. Most don’t take insurance so therapy is actually a luxury. What’s worse, is that, as another PP pointed out, you barely even know anything about the person you are meeting with the first time before you are stuck.

Stuck??

DP but I understand and agree with PP. it’s so hard to find anyone that to see someone at all, you have to pay out of pocket and you have to give them a few sessions to see of they’re a fit. If not, you’re back to searching again or on a waitlist. It’s hard to get in at all so some people might feel like they have to make the best of what was available rather go without completely.