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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an old friend who is really critical of others and also really sensitive. Things that seem like no big deal to me are really hurtful to her and she will ruminate on them for a long time. She also will “cut people off” if she doesn’t feel sufficiently appreciated, reciprocated, etc. She is single and in her late 40s now and has been an avid therapy goer since her 20s. She often uses language her therapist gives her to justify pushing people away or cutting them off - or she will describe an event and before I even react, she adds that her therapist agrees with her.

It makes me sad for her because I feel like her therapist has coached and encourage her to push people away under the guise of “protecting herself from toxic people” - which just makes her more dependent on the therapist. I think she is genuinely hurting so I don’t want to say she’s overly sensitive or overreacting - but it seems like she’s spent decades with therapists who tell her what she wants to hear and support her avoiding anything difficult instead of learning how to advocate for herself and work towards positive relationships. When a therapist eventually does get to a point of asking her to do something hard, she leaves and finds another therapist and starts the cycle all over. [/quote]

This describes an old college friend of mine to a tee.  Mostly her angst is that her father favored her elder sister more.  Its been years since her dad passed away but she is as critcial to others as she claims her dad was towards her.  The sad part is that I mostly becomes a substitute target for her sister because she thinks that life's rewards comes easily to me.  Since I have very good relationships with my family (birth and ILs), my dad and brothers dote on me, my mom talks to me every day...it makes her very angry.  I feel sorry for her pain but 20+ years of therapy has messed her up more.  She had turned into an angry whack job and the therapy has fed into her negativity. There is zero acceptance. She talked about "nursing her pain" and I think she completely misunderstood what it means. Instead of healing, acceptance and letting go, she justifies her pain and the lens through which she views the world.  She is 57 and I feel that I do not owe it to her to point out the errors of her ways. I let her be, I tolerate her and I live my own life.  [/quote]

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