Negative impact of therapy and "therapy speak"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve often thought therapy would be more productive e if a normal expected part of it was for the therapist to get feedback from others who interact most with the patient. They are only hearing one side of the story so it’s hard to assess the problem and assist the patient. It’s hard enough to do that even with child/teens in therapy, but basically impossible for adults in therapy.

When a teen is in therapy parents absolutely do get input.

With adults, if it's an unhealthy system-e.g. marriage or family then yes, there can be family therapy too. However, a lot can be done with an individual. If a person distances themselves from you after therapy and feels better and is healthier, there is no need to get your input. It doesn't mean you are a bad person. It just means the dynamic was not healthy and the person prefers to not work on it. Often with therapy people try to address issues with those who cause them stress and many times it does help if the person is open minded. It's not about blaming the other person, but more about improving communication.

If you truly want to work on a relationship with someone you can always offer to go into therapy together with a separate therapist. However sometimes people decide in therapy it just isn't worth it and that is fine too. If someone really does not want a relationship with you then let it go. Don't sit around and worry that a therapist heard a 1-sided story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if people are so socially isolated these days that they are using their therapists as friend replacements instead of for therapy.

+1,000 Therapists should be encouraging people to get social and out there.

Therapists do that. If a person is isolated then of course you want to see the person connecting with others. Most of the people I know who complain of feeling lonely don't get therapy and wonder why people distance themselves from them.

You do understand your friends are not therapists right? Many people who are not socially isolated understand that and they maintain friendships because they share things like trauma, past abuse, etc with a therapist and don't expect their friends to help them work through it. I have a lot of stressors in my life right now-ill family member and I am caregiver, death of father, etc and I save the deep stuff for therapy so I can enjoy time with my friends and not overwhelm them. We all have a ton going on and only have so much to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think there's a level of introspection that's unhealthy. I see it most in younger adults who don't have children yet. I even felt it in myself in my 20s. I felt untethered and had too much time to myself.

Now that I'm a parent it seems unreal to me how some young adults can cut off their parents for such minor things. Like a video I watched recently of a woman blaming her mom (always the mom...) for making her a people pleaser and saying that it was a trauma response. At some point you have to realize that your parents did the best they could do (absent REAL trauma like the ACE indicators) and everyone deserves grace.

Amen.

I just interviewed a young woman who referred to a bad work experience as “her trauma” . Can we stop calling every unpleasant experience a “trauma” and go back to teaching resiliency and empowerment? YOU decide how you react and YOU decide to give people power. YOU decide to move on. These kids have been told to marinate in their self-pity instead. it’s self-absorbed, unproductive, and unhelpful.

It isn't "marinating in self pity." That makes it sound like just sinking into quicksand. The therapy is to process it, work through the feelings and find the lessons in it so you don't get into another similar situation. People need time to talk through these things to move forward.

I have been through a lot in my life-probably faced a lot more adversity than many on this board. That said, I don't scoff at people having trouble coping with far less. I have no problem with a young woman describing a bad work situation as traumatic. Before I faced far worse, I might have done the same. Because I got therapy during my own traumatic work experience I learned ways to cope with the feelings so the next bad work situation was more manageable for me. We all go through developmental stages of dealing with life stresses. A 4 year old upset that her goldfish died should not be scoffed at. You validate her feelings, listen and help her work through them.

It does not hard YOU in any way when people go to therapy to learn coping skills and process things so they can build resilience. Meet people where they are. Don't have disdain for the teen crying over a breakup with a boyfriend or the 20-something with a terrible boss. If they recognize they need help from a professional that is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if people are so socially isolated these days that they are using their therapists as friend replacements instead of for therapy.

+1,000 Therapists should be encouraging people to get social and out there.

Therapists do that. If a person is isolated then of course you want to see the person connecting with others. Most of the people I know who complain of feeling lonely don't get therapy and wonder why people distance themselves from them.

You do understand your friends are not therapists right? Many people who are not socially isolated understand that and they maintain friendships because they share things like trauma, past abuse, etc with a therapist and don't expect their friends to help them work through it. I have a lot of stressors in my life right now-ill family member and I am caregiver, death of father, etc and I save the deep stuff for therapy so I can enjoy time with my friends and not overwhelm them. We all have a ton going on and only have so much to give.

While this is the reality I think it’s sad. When younger people used to really share deep feelings and vulnerability with friends. Now therapy culture and capitalism realities have made it so that people feel as you do, don’t share deep things anymore and only bring their best game face to friendships which become more superficial as a result. Then people wonder why the feel isolated and alone and seek a therapist. It’s sad people can’t be there for one another anymore.

[Anonymous]

While this is the reality I think it’s sad. When younger people used to really share deep feelings and vulnerability with friends. Now therapy culture and capitalism realities have made it so that people feel as you do, don’t share deep things anymore and only bring their best game face to friendships which become more superficial as a result. Then people wonder why the feel isolated and alone and seek a therapist. It’s sad people can’t be there for one another anymore.

My friends and I absolutely share deep issues, but my therapist is beneficial for working through those things to change the way I think, behave, and respond to thoughts, feelings, and situations. Friends are great for empathy and support. Sometimes people need more.