My BFF will only date "tall" men so that she feels small in comparison

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been friends for decades. So I felt comfortable pushing really hard -- past her politic, but obviously BS initial responses -- to get an honest answer to this question: "Friend, why do you have an absolute, inviolable requirement that men on dating apps must be 6 ft or taller?" She'll swipe all day long past great guys who say they are 5' 10". "Too short, " she says. "Too bad."

She's well past childbearing at 55 and also past needing to build a life with a potential presidential candidate (who, I admit must be 6'1").

No, it just comes down to relativism. If he's close to her height, then she won't feel "small" (her words.). She will instead feel "big" next to a guy whose only 4 inches taller.

My question -- is THIS what's actually behind so many of you women who post here? That is an ick, as the kids say.

It all comes back to her own sense of insecurity. She feels "big" next to a man who isn't 6' tall - she associates that with being a negative trait. So she will only date a 6'+ guy who will not trigger that particular insecurity.

She's not addressing the underlying issue - low feelings of self-worth, criticism of her own body, a need to feel protected (likely due to some sort of previous unresolved trauma). If she addressed those issues she would likely date a much wider variety of men.

This. I don’t find women like this offensive, I find them kind of sad.

[Anonymous]

You may have been friends for decades, but it doesn’t sound like you like her very much.

People deserve friends who like them, and who are supportive and forgiving of human quirks and foibles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been friends for decades. So I felt comfortable pushing really hard -- past her politic, but obviously BS initial responses -- to get an honest answer to this question: "Friend, why do you have an absolute, inviolable requirement that men on dating apps must be 6 ft or taller?" She'll swipe all day long past great guys who say they are 5' 10". "Too short, " she says. "Too bad."

She's well past childbearing at 55 and also past needing to build a life with a potential presidential candidate (who, I admit must be 6'1").

No, it just comes down to relativism. If he's close to her height, then she won't feel "small" (her words.). She will instead feel "big" next to a guy whose only 4 inches taller.

My question -- is THIS what's actually behind so many of you women who post here? That is an ick, as the kids say.

It all comes back to her own sense of insecurity. She feels "big" next to a man who isn't 6' tall - she associates that with being a negative trait. So she will only date a 6'+ guy who will not trigger that particular insecurity.

She's not addressing the underlying issue - low feelings of self-worth, criticism of her own body, a need to feel protected (likely due to some sort of previous unresolved trauma). If she addressed those issues she would likely date a much wider variety of men.

This. I don’t find women like this offensive, I find them kind of sad.

I find people like you sad: look at you feeling sorry for a human being because she is too picky. So what? You surely lack true empathy and create dramatic feelings over nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been friends for decades. So I felt comfortable pushing really hard -- past her politic, but obviously BS initial responses -- to get an honest answer to this question: "Friend, why do you have an absolute, inviolable requirement that men on dating apps must be 6 ft or taller?" She'll swipe all day long past great guys who say they are 5' 10". "Too short, " she says. "Too bad."

She's well past childbearing at 55 and also past needing to build a life with a potential presidential candidate (who, I admit must be 6'1").

No, it just comes down to relativism. If he's close to her height, then she won't feel "small" (her words.). She will instead feel "big" next to a guy whose only 4 inches taller.

My question -- is THIS what's actually behind so many of you women who post here? That is an ick, as the kids say.

It all comes back to her own sense of insecurity. She feels "big" next to a man who isn't 6' tall - she associates that with being a negative trait. So she will only date a 6'+ guy who will not trigger that particular insecurity.

She's not addressing the underlying issue - low feelings of self-worth, criticism of her own body, a need to feel protected (likely due to some sort of previous unresolved trauma). If she addressed those issues she would likely date a much wider variety of men.

I hope say the same to all men who would like their wives to be shorter than them. And that's a lot of men!

[Anonymous]

I’m only 5’10 and in college played soccer and with all the running could not gain weight. It would be another eight years before I wandered into a weight room. (Wish I’d started earlier).

My college GF had previously dated a burly football player and she often commented on how short I seemed. We should have just broken up—we were clearly both insecure kids, and it was only years later before I realized her issue at the time was that being with me made her feel like a middle linebacker.

This was in the 90s, when culture pushed women to be skinny rather than strong, so it could be generational for your friend. Now they all want that big centaur ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there is a reason your friend is single and dating at 55. I suspect you will uncover many layers of craziness if you go deep enough

Done in one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Behind the women who post here? This is a mommy board. We are overwhelmingly married women with kids. There are a few single people but the vast majority settled on whatever height their spouse has.

I don’t ever get these posts targeted at the single women of DCUM and their dating standards. It’s like opening a space heater store in Dubai.

This isn’t a “mommy board” — the word “dads” is right there in the title. Whatever gave you the idea it was a “mommy board?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m only 5’10 and in college played soccer and with all the running could not gain weight. It would be another eight years before I wandered into a weight room. (Wish I’d started earlier).

My college GF had previously dated a burly football player and she often commented on how short I seemed. We should have just broken up—we were clearly both insecure kids, and it was only years later before I realized her issue at the time was that being with me made her feel like a middle linebacker.

This was in the 90s, when culture pushed women to be skinny rather than strong, so it could be generational for your friend. Now they all want that big centaur ass.

Ha, we would be friends irl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m only 5’10 and in college played soccer and with all the running could not gain weight. It would be another eight years before I wandered into a weight room. (Wish I’d started earlier).

My college GF had previously dated a burly football player and she often commented on how short I seemed. We should have just broken up—we were clearly both insecure kids, and it was only years later before I realized her issue at the time was that being with me made her feel like a middle linebacker.

This was in the 90s, when culture pushed women to be skinny rather than strong, so it could be generational for your friend. Now they all want that big centaur ass.

I’m a tall 5’8 woman, and I always dated men around my height. In fact, I am submissive and him being too tall would make me feel unsafe in bed given a variety of things I like men doing to me.

It’s painful to read you saying “only 5’10”. It’s a great height, taller than average. I also find many men of my own height to be incredibly strong. I’ve dated guys who were 6’3, but clumsy and weak not able to pick me up.

Height has nothing to do with enjoying submissiveness which many women would. My current BF is 5’11, he’s very athletic and dominant. Men who work out are times stronger than women anyways, so I totally don’t get the height complex in some women. I find men around my own height sexier and more flexible/variety positions possible during intercourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you see this SNL skit about how the NFL gives back?

"The football is you"

Gold!

[Anonymous]

55? Ha. I hope she knows people lose inches with age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m only 5’10 and in college played soccer and with all the running could not gain weight. It would be another eight years before I wandered into a weight room. (Wish I’d started earlier).

My college GF had previously dated a burly football player and she often commented on how short I seemed. We should have just broken up—we were clearly both insecure kids, and it was only years later before I realized her issue at the time was that being with me made her feel like a middle linebacker.

This was in the 90s, when culture pushed women to be skinny rather than strong, so it could be generational for your friend. Now they all want that big centaur ass.

Ha. I’m a female soccer player of your generation. And I was always very muscular- big muscular soccer thighs and it was a fine when the waif/skin abs bones look was the thing.

Every guy I was attracted to and dated was 5’10”. Though men in my own family are 6’1-6’2”.

Fwiw, soccer players have the best bods of all male athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you see this SNL skit about how the NFL gives back?

"The football is you"

Gold!

I think this ad is offensive

[Anonymous]

Too short. Too bad. Who cares?? Not realllllly your business unless she asks for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you see this SNL skit about how the NFL gives back?

Hysterical! But true for many many women.