DD came out as asexual. Anyone BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex DIL proclaimed she was asexual to divorce our son. After she slept with half the town during their marriage.

She has since remarried.

Cool anecdote you’ve got there. Irrelevant, but cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is soul-crushing what social media, and what it pushes, has done to a whole generation. This is the real pandemic.

Yawwwwnnnnn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. If it were me, and I was in this situation with a DD this age, I would plan to spend a ton of time with her this summer and try to get to the bottom of what is going on. You state that she has a lot of anxiety; I would start with helping her work to alleviate that. Exercise, healthy eating, fun job this summer, some travel - what can you do to help her get back on track and get her anxiety under control?

And don't forget - these are the Covid kids who suffered so much during the lockdowns. We are going to be dealing with things like this for years to come.

There is nothing to be sorry for and nothing to deal with because OPs DD does not have sexual feelings for anyone. She is not broken.

I’m guessing it didn’t occur to you that some of her anxiety could be stemming from the fact that she keeps getting messages that she should WANT to be some kind of sexual, that she’ll end up alone, etc.

And you know this how? You are the DD's psychologist or physician?

I am telling OP what I would do. If my 18 YO daughter came to me and said that she is determining herself to be asexual, you'd best believe I would act quickly to help her in any way that I could. OP herself mentioned the anxiety, so obviously we can conclude that plays some factor in this.

PP, are you so wedded to an agenda that you are not open to the idea that the DD may be different than you?

DP. Why are you so wedded to an agenda that you are not open to the idea that the DD may actually know she’s asexual (just as other kids her age know they’re straight or gay) and may NOT be different from PP?

Because an 18 YO with no sexual feelings/ interests at all is an anomaly, despite what you with your "agenda" would like to believe. The burden of proof should be on her physician to confirm that there is nothing physically or emotionally wrong that is causing this.

[Anonymous]

The teens and young adults who take on these labels usually have other psychological problems. Joining an identity group feels like a solution, especially because it comes with an instant friend group and sincere social approbation. But it's really a distraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. If it were me, and I was in this situation with a DD this age, I would plan to spend a ton of time with her this summer and try to get to the bottom of what is going on. You state that she has a lot of anxiety; I would start with helping her work to alleviate that. Exercise, healthy eating, fun job this summer, some travel - what can you do to help her get back on track and get her anxiety under control?

And don't forget - these are the Covid kids who suffered so much during the lockdowns. We are going to be dealing with things like this for years to come.

There is nothing to be sorry for and nothing to deal with because OPs DD does not have sexual feelings for anyone. She is not broken.

I’m guessing it didn’t occur to you that some of her anxiety could be stemming from the fact that she keeps getting messages that she should WANT to be some kind of sexual, that she’ll end up alone, etc.

And you know this how? You are the DD's psychologist or physician?

I am telling OP what I would do. If my 18 YO daughter came to me and said that she is determining herself to be asexual, you'd best believe I would act quickly to help her in any way that I could. OP herself mentioned the anxiety, so obviously we can conclude that plays some factor in this.

PP, are you so wedded to an agenda that you are not open to the idea that the DD may be different than you?

DP. Why are you so wedded to an agenda that you are not open to the idea that the DD may actually know she’s asexual (just as other kids her age know they’re straight or gay) and may NOT be different from PP?

Because an 18 YO with no sexual feelings/ interests at all is an anomaly, despite what you with your "agenda" would like to believe. The burden of proof should be on her physician to confirm that there is nothing physically or emotionally wrong that is causing this.

There is no “burden of proof” in an individual’s personal sexual orientation, you absolute fossil.

[Anonymous]

My daughter first said she was pansexual, then a year or two later asexual, and now considers herself panromantic. She explains that she wants to have a romantic, but not sexual relationship. I just go with the flow. Part of me wonders if she has just not met someone with whom she clicks, but who knows. She is on an SSRI and has been for years so now that makes me wonder about the previous post.

[Anonymous]

Asexuality is real. There are a lot of labels that fall under it though. Some people are aromantic, some asexual, some both (aroace).

Regardless of her status as an asexual, if she hasn't been treated by an actual endocrinologist, I would strongly suggest she see one and not just a family doctor or OBGYN. There's no reason she should have to live her whole life with a hormonal imbalance. There are safe and effective bio-identical estradiol pills that people take. This is how trans women transition, they're not taking birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does any of this have to do with you? She’s sharing information about herself. There’s no role for you except to listen to, learn about, and accept your child.

These issues are new for a lot of parents. Don't be a dick, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year, who is a freshman in college, told me recently that she is asexual. She has never had a boyfriend and says she has never had a crush on a boy or a girl. But, she’s also a very anxious kid, who spent end of sophomore and junior years in HS in tele-learning, and most of her HS friends didn’t date. I told her that was fine, and that what was important in life was developing high quality relationships, and those relationships didn’t have to be romantic or sexual. I also told her that die to modern fertility treatments, she could choose to have children (or not) without being in a sexual relationship.

There is so much these days about LGBTQ. Does anyone have a kid who is asexual? Did they continue to identify as asexual as they got older? I’m taking her seriously and certainly not telling her she’s not asexual. But I wonder if COVID lockdowns played a role in making her less socially advanced. As an added twist, she is below the 1% in BMI (not an earring disorder, just how she has always been) and doesn’t produce enough estrogen to control her period. So, she hemorrhages for half the month unless she’s on BC pills. So, I wonder if there is a hormonal element at play.

Any thoughts (of the nice, helpful variety)?

If she's anxious labeling herself as asexual will keep both female and male away. It will help her feel secure.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s better than compulsive dating. If she wants kids eventually I would try to focus her on finding a suitable partner for this exact purpose.
Looking back, my life would have been so much easier and more straightforward without my young self’s obsession with boys!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she on anxiety medication? My DS has not told us he is asexual but he has said that he once was attracted to people and no longer is. Apparently this can be a long lasting side effect of SSRIs even when they are discontinued. The scary part is it can be permanent. DS’s psychiatrist thinks that it’s the anxiety itself that is preventing him from feeling attracted to others. He does have social anxiety.

Do you have a citation for the SSRI effect? Are there any treatments for it?

[Anonymous]

I mean the birth control absolutely makes many women have no libido. So, that could totally be it.

I might encourage her to tell these feelings to her doctor, just to see if she should be on a different birth control pill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s better than compulsive dating. If she wants kids eventually I would try to focus her on finding a suitable partner for this exact purpose.
Looking back, my life would have been so much easier and more straightforward without my young self’s obsession with boys!

yeah, i wish i had just focused on myself, my grades, and my friends in high school and college rather than wasting time getting sucked into the drama of teen and young adult dating. i had a super serious boyfriend in high school and college and made so many fewer friends as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 18 and anxious OP. Just help.her figure her way through this and listen to her. Maybe she really is asexual and maybe she's not, she has very little real world experience at 18 post pandemic. Encourage her to try new things, anything really, and make new friends, see how things go.

Maybe she really is asexual and maybe she is not.

+100

[Anonymous]

So I don’t have an asexual child. But I’m struck by the low bmi and the possibility of a hormonal issue. She’s 18 so I wouldn’t make an appt for her or anything but I would encourage her that she speak to her doctor / gynecologist about her sex drive to see if there is a hormonal factor at work. I also do think COVID lockdown can play a role for sure. I have 3 teen boys and none are where they were headed socially pre-COVID. It’s impacted a generation in a way we won’t be able to fully assess for decades.