DD came out as asexual. Anyone BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. If it were me, and I was in this situation with a DD this age, I would plan to spend a ton of time with her this summer and try to get to the bottom of what is going on. You state that she has a lot of anxiety; I would start with helping her work to alleviate that. Exercise, healthy eating, fun job this summer, some travel - what can you do to help her get back on track and get her anxiety under control?

And don't forget - these are the Covid kids who suffered so much during the lockdowns. We are going to be dealing with things like this for years to come.

There is nothing to be sorry for and nothing to deal with because OPs DD does not have sexual feelings for anyone. She is not broken.

I’m guessing it didn’t occur to you that some of her anxiety could be stemming from the fact that she keeps getting messages that she should WANT to be some kind of sexual, that she’ll end up alone, etc.

And you know this how? You are the DD's psychologist or physician?

I am telling OP what I would do. If my 18 YO daughter came to me and said that she is determining herself to be asexual, you'd best believe I would act quickly to help her in any way that I could. OP herself mentioned the anxiety, so obviously we can conclude that plays some factor in this.

PP, are you so wedded to an agenda that you are not open to the idea that the DD may be different than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. If it were me, and I was in this situation with a DD this age, I would plan to spend a ton of time with her this summer and try to get to the bottom of what is going on. You state that she has a lot of anxiety; I would start with helping her work to alleviate that. Exercise, healthy eating, fun job this summer, some travel - what can you do to help her get back on track and get her anxiety under control?

And don't forget - these are the Covid kids who suffered so much during the lockdowns. We are going to be dealing with things like this for years to come.

On the positive side no accidental babies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an ace adult, the best advice I have is to support her.

Never make any statements such as "Perhaps covid affected your romantic learning..." or "You should explore if your low estrogen production and BC pills are related to your asexuality."

I would 100% encourage her to seek out a psychiatrist who deals with LGBTQ sexuality (I say psychiatrist in case meds are needed for the anxiety issues). They will help her explore her new sexuality in the proper format without making it seem like they are trying to "fix" something that is "broken" within her.

I spent most of my life feeling terribly broken because I didn't feel the same way towards the opposite sex (or even same-sex!) as my peers. I had no idea about asexuality until I was in my sophomore year of college and took a Psych course. Learning about asexuality caused me to have a literal lightbulb moment and everything clicked for me. I honestly cried because it was so freeing to realize I wasn't broken or weird, I simply had another label. It was also freeing to be able to stop forcing myself into different relationships and faking everything, which I had been doing because I thought if I tried hard enough or long enough, I'd be "normal."

I'm 40 with a husband and 2 kids. I'm married to another romantic asexual. We love each other very much but have zero sexual desire for each other (or sex in general). We did artificial insemination for both pregnancies.

I love this! My adult son, 29, is asexual. He's had one romantic (but non-sexual) relationship, but that was years ago. How did you find your husband?

[Anonymous]

Yes, the low estrogen thing sounds like a factor. Not that she needs to change anything, but having a BMI too low to produce hormones is not normal or healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, the low estrogen thing sounds like a factor. Not that she needs to change anything, but having a BMI too low to produce hormones is not normal or healthy.

Why would you not want to change anything? If the particular BC pills that she is on are suppressing sexual desire, that is a problem. I would encourage her to have a conversation with her gynecologist about this. Many options available

[Anonymous]

I also have an 18 year old ace daughter. I am thankful she was born in an age and culture where there is less pressure to fake crushes and to pretend to date people. I’m also glad that there is the fertility technology needed for her to have children if she wants to.

The only negative thing for me is I hate when people constantly ask if she has a boyfriend but that’s my problem, not hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh! In my culture, unmarried children who have not finished their education or have started on their career path are not even supposed to have any sexual feelings or associate with opposite sex. We pretty much grew up without having any boyfriend/girlfriend. When we were in our 20s, we got more freedom and then we were married. Our emotional and sexual relationship happened with our spouse and it was the most powerful thing at all.

Nobody cares about your culture, it's irrelevant. Especially when you can't even be bothered to identify the culture--not to mention that it is clearly not the culture of the country that OP (or apparently you) are living in.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s more common than we think. Stars that have been rumored to be gay, like Tom Cruise, may be asexual.

[Anonymous]

OP, just support your DD with regard to her sexuality. Make sure she knows you will help her find a counselor if she wants one and that you accept her exactly how she is.

I would be much more concerned about the extreme periods. That sounds awful and isn't something an 18yo should have to deal with. Extreme bleeding can contribute to serious health problems like anemia and POTS.

The Mirena IUD helped my DD's bad periods a lot and improved her anemia and POTS symptoms, though your DD's situation sounds a lot worse. Get help for this! There are plenty of options in addition to or instead of BC pills.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all of the support and suggestions. For some reason, I was prepared for and LGBT kid, but it never dawned on me one would be asexual. She certainly has our unconditional love and support. I mention her anxiety because some of it is social anxiety. She has a therapist, whom I presume she has stalked to about this.

And no worries. She is so thin she didn’t start her periods until freshman year of HS. But, we recognized immediately they were not normal and I had taken her to a gyn and she was put on a BC pill that has worked wonders less than 3 months after her first period. It was too extreme to “wait and see” if it resolved itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an ace adult, the best advice I have is to support her.

Never make any statements such as "Perhaps covid affected your romantic learning..." or "You should explore if your low estrogen production and BC pills are related to your asexuality."

I would 100% encourage her to seek out a psychiatrist who deals with LGBTQ sexuality (I say psychiatrist in case meds are needed for the anxiety issues). They will help her explore her new sexuality in the proper format without making it seem like they are trying to "fix" something that is "broken" within her.

I spent most of my life feeling terribly broken because I didn't feel the same way towards the opposite sex (or even same-sex!) as my peers. I had no idea about asexuality until I was in my sophomore year of college and took a Psych course. Learning about asexuality caused me to have a literal lightbulb moment and everything clicked for me. I honestly cried because it was so freeing to realize I wasn't broken or weird, I simply had another label. It was also freeing to be able to stop forcing myself into different relationships and faking everything, which I had been doing because I thought if I tried hard enough or long enough, I'd be "normal."

I'm 40 with a husband and 2 kids. I'm married to another romantic asexual. We love each other very much but have zero sexual desire for each other (or sex in general). We did artificial insemination for both pregnancies.

That is really interesting. Thank you for sharing. How did you find each other?

Are either of you on the spectrum? I have heard that might be more common for people on the spectrum, but I an not sure that is accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh! In my culture, unmarried children who have not finished their education or have started on their career path are not even supposed to have any sexual feelings or associate with opposite sex. We pretty much grew up without having any boyfriend/girlfriend. When we were in our 20s, we got more freedom and then we were married. Our emotional and sexual relationship happened with our spouse and it was the most powerful thing at all.

Nobody cares about your culture, it's irrelevant. Especially when you can't even be bothered to identify the culture--not to mention that it is clearly not the culture of the country that OP (or apparently you) are living in.

You are rude and ignorant. I found that poster's post to be relevant. She is saying that the way we develop sexually in the US is just one of many options.

She has seen it work for people to be asexual until they are older than OP's daughter, then go on to have a romantic & sexual relationship. Her experience is just as valid as anyone else's. (The country of origin is not the point.)

[Anonymous]

My husband's ex DIL proclaimed she was asexual to divorce our son. After she slept with half the town during their marriage.

She has since remarried.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people are jumping down OP's throat for asking if COVID could have had an effect on her daughter along with bc and low BMI. These are fair questions. Being accepting doesn't mean you just put your head in the sand and not explore other options. For all OP knows it is her bc and her daughter will be upset that she didn't have balanced hormones earlier.

Also, OP was incredibly supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex DIL proclaimed she was asexual to divorce our son. After she slept with half the town during their marriage.

She has since remarried.

And that is relevant to OP's question because...you all still hold a grudge against the only self-proclaimed asexual person you ever knew??????