Going back to work after SAH with zero regrets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left a demanding career to SAH almost ten years ago, and I’m now considering going back to work in a lower-pressure field related to my old career.

Although I’m excited about the possible change, I feel like I keep having casual conversations with others that suggest if I’m going back to work I must somehow regret having stayed home. Which isn’t true, at all. I treasure the years I had at home, but my kids are older now and I still have a long life ahead of me. How would you respond to someone who suggests I must regret the last ten years? Or worse, thinks that because I’m going back to work it’s suddenly ok to belittle SAHMs to me? Does anyone else have experience with this? It puts me in such an awkward situation.

Smile and say “it was the best choice for us at the time, and I’m also looking forward to the next phase.” And move on. As the debate here shows, some people are going to project their own issues onto your choices. It’s not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Meh, just change the subject and stop hanging out with those people (to the extent possible). I had premature twins and ended up formula feeding them because my milk didn't come in well enough. When I had two conversations with hardcore EBF people they insisted I needed to stop feeding them formula, etc. I just said I'm handling the issue with our pediatrician and then either walked away or started talking about something else. I can't imagine you'll encounter that many people who are so stupid as to not realize that going back to work when your kids are in school full-time is not the same as regretting the time you spent at home with them when they were younger. And anyone who wants to criticize moms, whether they work or stay home or some combination thereof, isn't someone you should waste any more breath on.

[Anonymous]

Wait — what do they say EXACTLY, OP?

[Anonymous]

I find this thread so positive and encouraging. Many threads on this topic end with posters claiming they would never go back because their DH is so rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread so positive and encouraging. Many threads on this topic end with posters claiming they would never go back because their DH is so rich.

A SAHP who returns to work after kids are in school = they still want to use their brain. Those who just continue at home = permanently lazy. Barring things that really suck up time like SN kids, eldercare, health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread so positive and encouraging. Many threads on this topic end with posters claiming they would never go back because their DH is so rich.

A SAHP who returns to work after kids are in school = they still want to use their brain. Those who just continue at home = permanently lazy. Barring things that really suck up time like SN kids, eldercare, health issues.

I mean, I agree, but I’ve so many posts to the effect of “Why would I go back? We are SOOOO rich? The money would be SO meaningless to us, we are that rich.” And then other posters pile on and agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread so positive and encouraging. Many threads on this topic end with posters claiming they would never go back because their DH is so rich.

A SAHP who returns to work after kids are in school = they still want to use their brain. Those who just continue at home = permanently lazy. Barring things that really suck up time like SN kids, eldercare, health issues.

I’m a SAHM who was/is planning to go back to work when my youngest started elementary school. I currently have 2 kids in elementary and 1 in middle school. I thought this would be a great time to go back. My oldest needs the most attention surprisingly. He needs academic support, plays multiple sports competitively, which requires rides daily. It takes time, effort and money to become an elite athlete.

I have heard from multiple people that your kids need you most during the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread so positive and encouraging. Many threads on this topic end with posters claiming they would never go back because their DH is so rich.

A SAHP who returns to work after kids are in school = they still want to use their brain. Those who just continue at home = permanently lazy. Barring things that really suck up time like SN kids, eldercare, health issues.

That’s a really ugly comment. I work FT, never SAH, and I don’t think that my friends who SAH are permanently lazy.

Also, maybe it’s true about the money. I make $200k and my DH makes more than that each month. My income adds almost nothing to our finances since we also have to outsource stuff that I could do if I SAH. I do feel like wanting to keep working is something I do for myself, and maybe a bit for our kids, since it’s not really a financial benefit. And while I get how privileged I am to be in this position, it is my reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread so positive and encouraging. Many threads on this topic end with posters claiming they would never go back because their DH is so rich.

A SAHP who returns to work after kids are in school = they still want to use their brain. Those who just continue at home = permanently lazy. Barring things that really suck up time like SN kids, eldercare, health issues.

That’s a really ugly comment. I work FT, never SAH, and I don’t think that my friends who SAH are permanently lazy.

Also, maybe it’s true about the money. I make $200k and my DH makes more than that each month. My income adds almost nothing to our finances since we also have to outsource stuff that I could do if I SAH. I do feel like wanting to keep working is something I do for myself, and maybe a bit for our kids, since it’s not really a financial benefit. And while I get how privileged I am to be in this position, it is my reality.

I posted previously that I would like to return to work. DH earns $2-3m. I could get a job that pays $100-200k but it doesn’t seem worth it. I don’t work now and it is hard enough juggling my three children. To earn $2m+, DH has to work and while he is very helpful when he is home, I could never actually rely on him to pick up or drive kids. I would always be the default. That was our problem when I was working with 2 kids. He earned less than $1m back then and I earned $150k at a very flexible job. Even though it was flexible, it was still difficult juggling 2 kids and back then, only one kid did sports 1-2x per week. Now I have 3 kids and each kid has sports 3-6x per week EACH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread so positive and encouraging. Many threads on this topic end with posters claiming they would never go back because their DH is so rich.

A SAHP who returns to work after kids are in school = they still want to use their brain. Those who just continue at home = permanently lazy. Barring things that really suck up time like SN kids, eldercare, health issues.

That’s a really ugly comment. I work FT, never SAH, and I don’t think that my friends who SAH are permanently lazy.

Also, maybe it’s true about the money. I make $200k and my DH makes more than that each month. My income adds almost nothing to our finances since we also have to outsource stuff that I could do if I SAH. I do feel like wanting to keep working is something I do for myself, and maybe a bit for our kids, since it’s not really a financial benefit. And while I get how privileged I am to be in this position, it is my reality.

I posted previously that I would like to return to work. DH earns $2-3m. I could get a job that pays $100-200k but it doesn’t seem worth it. I don’t work now and it is hard enough juggling my three children. To earn $2m+, DH has to work and while he is very helpful when he is home, I could never actually rely on him to pick up or drive kids. I would always be the default. That was our problem when I was working with 2 kids. He earned less than $1m back then and I earned $150k at a very flexible job. Even though it was flexible, it was still difficult juggling 2 kids and back then, only one kid did sports 1-2x per week. Now I have 3 kids and each kid has sports 3-6x per week EACH.

I’m in a similar position and totally understand not going back to work.

But what do you think you’ll do when the kids are grown? Just curious. For me I’d love to work in some capacity very part time and increase my hours as my kids get older. It’s not about the money since 100K wouldn’t mean much, but I worry about feeling empty when my kids leave for college.