Going back to work after SAH with zero regrets

[Anonymous]

I left a demanding career to SAH almost ten years ago, and I’m now considering going back to work in a lower-pressure field related to my old career.

Although I’m excited about the possible change, I feel like I keep having casual conversations with others that suggest if I’m going back to work I must somehow regret having stayed home. Which isn’t true, at all. I treasure the years I had at home, but my kids are older now and I still have a long life ahead of me. How would you respond to someone who suggests I must regret the last ten years? Or worse, thinks that because I’m going back to work it’s suddenly ok to belittle SAHMs to me? Does anyone else have experience with this? It puts me in such an awkward situation.

[Anonymous]

That’s weird. I went back to work after 7 years at home (also no regrets) and had no such encounters with anyone. Maybe just watch who you’re having certain conversations with, but ultimately just move in the direction your heart’s telling you to go and ignore the chatter around you.

[Anonymous]

Woohoo! I did the same (but with a much shorter SAH gap).

My most competent colleague is also a former SAHP.

Be confident (but humble, realizing that some things may have changed) and you will be golden.

THe hardest part for me was the logistics. It was hard to get used to dropping off/picking up after not doing it. But with school age kids you won't have that problem.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone said that or are you assuming due to their reaction? I and so many of my friends stayed home for a while and went back to work when the kids are older. That's so normal. I guess you can say that was always your plan? Or, even if it wasn't always your plan, now you realize that's what you want to do at this point in your life.
And of course, stick up for SAHMs (and all the other moms! and dads!) out there. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who belittled someone else's choices, even if it wasn't my choice.

[Anonymous]

I left 7 years ago and I will be you in a year or two. My youngest is still in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing from the language in your post (zero regrets, treasure the years I had at home) that you may have conveyed some smug feelings about being a SAHM and possibly judgment about parents who worked. Really not one regret? It's pretty normal to look back and see pros and cons. You treasured all your years? Not a couple times it would have been nice to take off in your car and go to an office? If you make all your choices seem completely perfect at all times, you're generally less relatable and can seem inauthentic and then people will respond to you as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone said that or are you assuming due to their reaction? I and so many of my friends stayed home for a while and went back to work when the kids are older. That's so normal. I guess you can say that was always your plan? Or, even if it wasn't always your plan, now you realize that's what you want to do at this point in your life.
And of course, stick up for SAHMs (and all the other moms! and dads!) out there. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who belittled someone else's choices, even if it wasn't my choice.

I’m a sahm and used to be a working mom. Everyone is different.

I admit I used to look down at SAHMs when I was NOT a mom. I did not understand. When I had a big career and barely saw my baby, that was miserable for me. I am infinitely happier spending time with my 3 children. I’m busy planning our spring break and summer, all things I could not be doing if I were working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone said that or are you assuming due to their reaction? I and so many of my friends stayed home for a while and went back to work when the kids are older. That's so normal. I guess you can say that was always your plan? Or, even if it wasn't always your plan, now you realize that's what you want to do at this point in your life.
And of course, stick up for SAHMs (and all the other moms! and dads!) out there. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who belittled someone else's choices, even if it wasn't my choice.

I’m a sahm and used to be a working mom. Everyone is different.

I admit I used to look down at SAHMs when I was NOT a mom. I did not understand. When I had a big career and barely saw my baby, that was miserable for me. I am infinitely happier spending time with my 3 children. I’m busy planning our spring break and summer, all things I could not be doing if I were working.

So OP if you at all said things like this, this is why you are now getting less than positive responses to your news you're going back to work.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar place, OP, firmer SAHP who went back to work. Working moms frequently made these types of remarks to me. I think it’s guilt. I also have zero regrets about my time home.

[Anonymous]

My mom did this! She was a lawyer before having us kids in the 80s, and well, there was no maternity leave or work life balance then. She stayed home for over a decade until her youngest was in school most of the day, then went back into a different more flexible field.

She absolutely believes in the importance of being accessible for your kids, but also thinks you can lose your mind if you don’t have something for yourself. I would tell people the truth- that you’re so happy you had great years at home with your kids, and now that the demands have changed, you’re excited to do something different etc.

[Anonymous]

Solidarity, OP. I'm in the same boat after a 4 year gap (just one kid) and I feel the same way. I'm happy with my choices, happy to be going back, loved the last few years and also looking forward to the next phase.

I think people assume it's going to be really hard to re-enter the workforce or that something critical has been lost that will handicap us moving forward. But since I have little to no interest in returning to the kind of job I was doing pre-kids, and in fact left that job pretty happily and saw motherhood as an opportunity to move on from a career that wasn't that fulfilling and didn't offer a ton of work/life balance, I don't feel like I've lost anything.

I have my second interview for a very interesting product development job next week and am thrilled. I thought interviewing would be really stressful and I'd feel like a fraud but it's felt easy and I feel more confident than I ever used to. I don't know if I'll get this job but I feel confident I will get a job, and I also feel like I'm approaching it from a powerful position of knowing I don't have to take the first thing that comes along or accept a bad offer because we've been making it work on one income for this long -- we can wait a few more months until I find the right fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left a demanding career to SAH almost ten years ago, and I’m now considering going back to work in a lower-pressure field related to my old career.

Although I’m excited about the possible change, I feel like I keep having casual conversations with others that suggest if I’m going back to work I must somehow regret having stayed home. Which isn’t true, at all. I treasure the years I had at home, but my kids are older now and I still have a long life ahead of me. How would you respond to someone who suggests I must regret the last ten years? Or worse, thinks that because I’m going back to work it’s suddenly ok to belittle SAHMs to me? Does anyone else have experience with this? It puts me in such an awkward situation.

Ugh, no experience other than being a mom myself and seeing judgment no matter WHAT choices someone makes in this regard. I would just try to cut the conversation off and say something like, "Yes, it has been great being home and I'm also looking forward to the next life phase too. I feel really fortunate."

It really is all about jealousy and/or insecurity.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. Had a 60hr/week job, quit after having kids, got my youngest to K and am no re-entering the workforce with zero regrets. I loved my time with my kids and I know they are all the better for it.

I agree that most of those comments probably come from working moms who feel some kind of guilt about it. I really can't imagine any other category of people saying anything.

[Anonymous]

"Nope, I loved every minute of it and have a great respect for mothers who stay home with their children" Am I missing something? It'll actually be awkward for them not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. Had a 60hr/week job, quit after having kids, got my youngest to K and am no re-entering the workforce with zero regrets. I loved my time with my kids and I know they are all the better for it.

I agree that most of those comments probably come from working moms who feel some kind of guilt about it. I really can't imagine any other category of people saying anything.

Eh. Maybe just my experience with some SAHM, but I could also see someone taking a "oh, I can't imagine ever going back, I'm too fulfilled at home..." response.

There are jerks on both sides.