Dating a conservative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how much conservative (more center or middle would be ideal. )- and find out his views on children, abortion. Been married to a conservative last 16 years and have to say they make great husbands and fathers long term.

please. Conservative men don't believe in equal housework and childcare.

I grew up in a conservative household.

Liberal men are much more aware of women's rights than conservative men, who really don't care much about women's rights.

Also, the highly educated tend to be liberal.

Totally disagree. “Conservative” can apply to a lot of different types of people. My parents are what most people here would call conservative (observant Catholics who are pro-life, don’t support gay marriage, etc) and have an equal marriage. My dad respects my mom’s career and has always been her #1 supporter, encouraged her to go back to school to get her masters, etc. He was and is an incredible, hands-on father and now grandfather. I saw this dynamic in many of the households in our social circle growing up, which was made up of highly-educated Catholics like my parents (ie conservatives).

My highly educated observant Catholic parents are not conservative at all, are pro-choice and support LGBTQ+ rights and the environment. Your Opus Dei circle does not the Church make.

That said, OP, the people saying "this can work" are pointing to examples from generations past and a time when politics was not so very polarized. Look at the women telling you "I cannot speak to my spouse anymore because he has been radicalized by Fox News" (and then for a laugh, the conservative man saying "conservative men are live and let live in relationships" because he doesn't realize terrorizing your wife into silence is not peace), because that's the current situation.

I'm having a hard time believing that a person who works in women's rights would even post this topic, though.

OMG, drama much? The idea that your garden-variety Fox-watching conservative is “terrorizing his wife into silence” is some sort of bizarre feminist fever dream. How many married people do you know? The idea that any of the married guys that I know could or would “terrorize” their wife into anything is beyond absurd.

Women's lived experience = drama. Shocking.

Are you saying *you’ve* been terrorized into silence? If not, we aren’t talking about anyone’s lived experience then, are we? The women whose husbands have gone off the Fox deep end and have posted in this thread sound like they are annoyed and pissed off, not living in fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind people having republican views. To each their own. However, if they were pro-Trump, pro Marge Green, pro Tucker Carlson, etc. I'd stay the hell away and judge them harshly.

+1 I also feel the same about extreme left wing nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member who is super left and married to someone moderately right (libertarian, conservative anti-trumper). They work it out somehow-and sometimes their views overlap, they are both free speech advocates for example. She has lost a significant number of friendships-either because people cut ties with her because of him or because they said negative things about him and she cut them off.

Wow. I'm sorry re: the bold. How narrow-minded of her so-called friends. Unless the DH is somehow intruding into her friendships or making super conservative comments to her friends to bait them, etc., why would they end friendships with HER "because of him"? As a lifelong lefty myself, I do have a few friends who are themselves conservatives; we have other things to talk about besides politics. And I'm sad to think your family member's friends would have just assumed she was heading to the right, or somehow was less sincerely liberal, just because she loves someone who doesn't have identical beliefs. I bet that these people who might denigrate a "mixed" political marriage as wrong would also applaud an interfaith marriage as progressive! Hypocritical and not a good look at all for us liberals. Yes, I'm the wife of the law enforcement DH in a post above. Never lost friends over him, though some were puzzled I'd marry an LEO. So was I!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

By raising a daughter who is allowed to form her own opinion versus having to absorb a parents opinion. Is that subconscious misogyny I sense? Mom and dad or mom and mom or dad and dad or whatever are allowed to have an opinion that differs with each other and their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

DP. You're assuming, PP, that "conservative" = "forced birther anti-abortion stance." Not always true. The forced birthers shout the loudest but there are conservatives out there who are pro-choice and pro-privacy. Don't assume everyone is the same everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind people having republican views. To each their own. However, if they were pro-Trump, pro Marge Green, pro Tucker Carlson, etc. I'd stay the hell away and judge them harshly.

+1 I also feel the same about extreme left wing nuts.

Agreed. Both parties have their pluses and minuses but someone too gung ho in either direction does not indicate the person has much self control and agreement with the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member who is super left and married to someone moderately right (libertarian, conservative anti-trumper). They work it out somehow-and sometimes their views overlap, they are both free speech advocates for example. She has lost a significant number of friendships-either because people cut ties with her because of him or because they said negative things about him and she cut them off.

Wow. I'm sorry re: the bold. How narrow-minded of her so-called friends. Unless the DH is somehow intruding into her friendships or making super conservative comments to her friends to bait them, etc., why would they end friendships with HER "because of him"? As a lifelong lefty myself, I do have a few friends who are themselves conservatives; we have other things to talk about besides politics. And I'm sad to think your family member's friends would have just assumed she was heading to the right, or somehow was less sincerely liberal, just because she loves someone who doesn't have identical beliefs. I bet that these people who might denigrate a "mixed" political marriage as wrong would also applaud an interfaith marriage as progressive! Hypocritical and not a good look at all for us liberals. Yes, I'm the wife of the law enforcement DH in a post above. Never lost friends over him, though some were puzzled I'd marry an LEO. So was I!

This isn’t how it really works. What happens is that the conservative DH merely refrains from making the affirmative statements endorsing the progressive cause du jour, this creates suspicion, there’s more pressure to conform, the DH doesn’t do it, and then you have an issue not of your making. At least, that’s my “lived experience” as a moderate conservative in this part of the world.

[Anonymous]

Why is he a conservative? What political differences do you actually have?

I don't date anti-choicers, ever. You don't support my bodily autonomy, you don't get to benefit from in. Natural consequences.

If you don't support gay marriage, trans rights, understand that racism is a thing that exists and is a huge problem, I'm out.

If you're more of a libertarian conservative, where you're all about low taxes and small government on principles of freedom AND you're a generous person in life, I could see at least giving it a try.

The devil's in the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

By raising a daughter who is allowed to form her own opinion versus having to absorb a parents opinion. Is that subconscious misogyny I sense? Mom and dad or mom and mom or dad and dad or whatever are allowed to have an opinion that differs with each other and their kids

please. no one is born understanding human reproduction and its complexities. What and how you teach your kids about human reproduction will absolutely inform their values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind people having republican views. To each their own. However, if they were pro-Trump, pro Marge Green, pro Tucker Carlson, etc. I'd stay the hell away and judge them harshly.

Yep, this hits the mark. It's not just as simplistic as conservative versus liberal. It's crazy versus sane. I'm a liberal Dem but know a few old school Republicans who despair at how the party has caved to the Trump-Green-Tucker-Fox types who are after power and not interested in governance, except as a form of control of others' choices.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have an issue with some conservative views but if he voted for Trump or other Republican politicians who are for forced-birth, book banning, anti-LGBTQ, don't believe climate change is an important, then no, I wouldn't be in a relationship with that person. So I guess really, I'm open to an independent/libertarian/former-Republican but not anyone who currently votes for Republicans. If they say their views don't align with the current direction of the party but still vote R, then they are some combination of dumb, weak, hypocrites, or lying about their actual views.

[Anonymous]

Would happily date a conservative women. Liberal women tend to be 40 year old, sterile cat ladies with body hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how much conservative (more center or middle would be ideal. )- and find out his views on children, abortion. Been married to a conservative last 16 years and have to say they make great husbands and fathers long term.

please. Conservative men don't believe in equal housework and childcare.

I grew up in a conservative household.

Liberal men are much more aware of women's rights than conservative men, who really don't care much about women's rights.

Also, the highly educated tend to be liberal.

Totally disagree. “Conservative” can apply to a lot of different types of people. My parents are what most people here would call conservative (observant Catholics who are pro-life, don’t support gay marriage, etc) and have an equal marriage. My dad respects my mom’s career and has always been her #1 supporter, encouraged her to go back to school to get her masters, etc. He was and is an incredible, hands-on father and now grandfather. I saw this dynamic in many of the households in our social circle growing up, which was made up of highly-educated Catholics like my parents (ie conservatives).

My highly educated observant Catholic parents are not conservative at all, are pro-choice and support LGBTQ+ rights and the environment. Your Opus Dei circle does not the Church make.

That said, OP, the people saying "this can work" are pointing to examples from generations past and a time when politics was not so very polarized. Look at the women telling you "I cannot speak to my spouse anymore because he has been radicalized by Fox News" (and then for a laugh, the conservative man saying "conservative men are live and let live in relationships" because he doesn't realize terrorizing your wife into silence is not peace), because that's the current situation.

I'm having a hard time believing that a person who works in women's rights would even post this topic, though.

OMG, drama much? The idea that your garden-variety Fox-watching conservative is “terrorizing his wife into silence” is some sort of bizarre feminist fever dream. How many married people do you know? The idea that any of the married guys that I know could or would “terrorize” their wife into anything is beyond absurd.

Women's lived experience = drama. Shocking.

Are you saying *you’ve* been terrorized into silence? If not, we aren’t talking about anyone’s lived experience then, are we? The women whose husbands have gone off the Fox deep end and have posted in this thread sound like they are annoyed and pissed off, not living in fear.

it can be a nightmare. I can not discuss anything political with him because he's grown so extreme.

created a rift that I don't think will ever truly heal. We can't discuss anything remotely political anymore.

These women only sound "annoyed and pissed off" if you ignore what they wrote and insert your own stereotypes to suit your narrative, I suppose. But every time you completely ignore and dismiss what women are saying while trying to prove that conservative men respect women, an angel gets its wings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

DP. You're assuming, PP, that "conservative" = "forced birther anti-abortion stance." Not always true. The forced birthers shout the loudest but there are conservatives out there who are pro-choice and pro-privacy. Don't assume everyone is the same everywhere.

This is magical thinking. The GOP is directly responsible for our daughters reproductive rights being terminated.