Dating a conservative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member who is super left and married to someone moderately right (libertarian, conservative anti-trumper). They work it out somehow-and sometimes their views overlap, they are both free speech advocates for example. She has lost a significant number of friendships-either because people cut ties with her because of him or because they said negative things about him and she cut them off.

Wow. I'm sorry re: the bold. How narrow-minded of her so-called friends. Unless the DH is somehow intruding into her friendships or making super conservative comments to her friends to bait them, etc., why would they end friendships with HER "because of him"? As a lifelong lefty myself, I do have a few friends who are themselves conservatives; we have other things to talk about besides politics. And I'm sad to think your family member's friends would have just assumed she was heading to the right, or somehow was less sincerely liberal, just because she loves someone who doesn't have identical beliefs. I bet that these people who might denigrate a "mixed" political marriage as wrong would also applaud an interfaith marriage as progressive! Hypocritical and not a good look at all for us liberals. Yes, I'm the wife of the law enforcement DH in a post above. Never lost friends over him, though some were puzzled I'd marry an LEO. So was I!

This isn’t how it really works. What happens is that the conservative DH merely refrains from making the affirmative statements endorsing the progressive cause du jour, this creates suspicion, there’s more pressure to conform, the DH doesn’t do it, and then you have an issue not of your making. At least, that’s my “lived experience” as a moderate conservative in this part of the world.

Are you the DH in your scenario? Use of the phrase "progressive cause du jour" is indeed cause for some suspicion; it's dismissive and belittling. But you know that already.

If you and your progressive spouse cannot have civilzed conversations, if you feel you somehow are expected to make only "affirmative statements" to your more liberal spouse, well, you both are poor communicators, and that problem crosses all political boundaries. If you can't say what you actually think, and your spouse can't tolerate hearing what you think, you both need counseling or at least a better communication style. The issue is "of your making" when you clam up because you feel you're being expected to say certain things. It's also of your spouse's making if your spouse pressures you to conform. What a miserable way to live, never having real discussions and letting silences fester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman that is pretty progressive and liberal and works in gender equity. I've been on a few dates with a conservative/republican. He's super respectful, but do any of you see any long term issues or have any experience? We are both agnostic.

Does he have a little ol' bitty January-6-rioter beard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

DP. You're assuming, PP, that "conservative" = "forced birther anti-abortion stance." Not always true. The forced birthers shout the loudest but there are conservatives out there who are pro-choice and pro-privacy. Don't assume everyone is the same everywhere.

This is magical thinking. The GOP is directly responsible for our daughters reproductive rights being terminated.

Yes. And you are once again making an assumption that every "conservative" supports the GOP or supports an end to abortion. You missed the idea that there are still some conservatives, even some who still call themselves Republicans, who abhor the GOP of today and what it's doing. Making broad-brush assumptions is a great way to annihilate any shots at getting those conservatives to work with liberals on fighting for abortion access.

[Anonymous]

I’m liberal and my h is conservative. We never had any problems…. But …

He never voted for trump
He thinks BLM
He thinks BLUE lives matter is racist
He believes in equality for all
He supports LGBT rights
He believes in smart gun laws (red flag laws, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

DP. You're assuming, PP, that "conservative" = "forced birther anti-abortion stance." Not always true. The forced birthers shout the loudest but there are conservatives out there who are pro-choice and pro-privacy. Don't assume everyone is the same everywhere.

This is magical thinking. The GOP is directly responsible for our daughters reproductive rights being terminated.

Yes. And you are once again making an assumption that every "conservative" supports the GOP or supports an end to abortion. You missed the idea that there are still some conservatives, even some who still call themselves Republicans, who abhor the GOP of today and what it's doing. Making broad-brush assumptions is a great way to annihilate any shots at getting those conservatives to work with liberals on fighting for abortion access.

You know how to do that? You elect pro choice candidates that intend to protect reproductive rights. These candidates are overwhelmingly democrats .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m liberal and my h is conservative. We never had any problems…. But …

He never voted for trump
He thinks BLM
He thinks BLUE lives matter is racist
He believes in equality for all
He supports LGBT rights
He believes in smart gun laws (red flag laws, etc)

but he votes republican? ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

DP. You're assuming, PP, that "conservative" = "forced birther anti-abortion stance." Not always true. The forced birthers shout the loudest but there are conservatives out there who are pro-choice and pro-privacy. Don't assume everyone is the same everywhere.

This is magical thinking. The GOP is directly responsible for our daughters reproductive rights being terminated.

Yes. And you are once again making an assumption that every "conservative" supports the GOP or supports an end to abortion. You missed the idea that there are still some conservatives, even some who still call themselves Republicans, who abhor the GOP of today and what it's doing. Making broad-brush assumptions is a great way to annihilate any shots at getting those conservatives to work with liberals on fighting for abortion access.

Yes, there are so many courageous Republican lawmakers. They don't walk on eggshells around Tucker Carlson/Fox and the MAGA rabble base, at all!

[Anonymous]

I couldn't do it. And I'd like to think I'm a reasonable individual that is respectful of different view points. Case in point, I recently went out with a man who is a high ranking exec in the mortgage industry, JD/MBA, and generally seems to be a kind, intelligent, successful person. He's from Texas though, and while he dislikes Trump's personality, he clearly is on board with the policy direction of the current GOP. When asked what we should do about school shootings, his response was that "bad actors" are just the price we have to pay for having the most individual freedom in the world. He respects women's right to choice to a degree, but also repeats Fox News tropes that women just use late term abortion as birth control, which no evidence supports and shows a lack of independent critical thinking to me. He said he supports a certain amount of "toxic masculinity" and that we are teaching boys to be to "woke" and "feminine." Ron DeSantis is clearly his man for 2024, which for a host of reasons I cannot respect.

Despite his success and kindness, dating him is a non-starter for me. I don't respect his reasoning or viewpoints and think he lacks care and concern for others in the name of supporting "individual freedom." I don't think you can have a good relationship with men you can't respect.

I do have republican friends who are very socially liberal but more small government/fiscal conservative types. They've voted democrat in all recent elections and don't really identify with the GOP any longer. Those types could possibly be on the table for friends/dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you aren't a troll, he probably thinks your career is a joke and has zero respect for the work you do. If you're ok with that, then you're fine.

Conservative here. Wrong. My mom was a doctor and my wife is a lawyer. I respect their work.

If you try to raise a daughter with a progressive partner, what do you do about your pro choice partner teaching your daughter to fight for pro choice values? There is no middle ground on this issue. You either belive you forced birther view must be imposed on everyone including your children, or you believe in choice.

DP. You're assuming, PP, that "conservative" = "forced birther anti-abortion stance." Not always true. The forced birthers shout the loudest but there are conservatives out there who are pro-choice and pro-privacy. Don't assume everyone is the same everywhere.

This is magical thinking. The GOP is directly responsible for our daughters reproductive rights being terminated.

Yes. And you are once again making an assumption that every "conservative" supports the GOP or supports an end to abortion. You missed the idea that there are still some conservatives, even some who still call themselves Republicans, who abhor the GOP of today and what it's doing. Making broad-brush assumptions is a great way to annihilate any shots at getting those conservatives to work with liberals on fighting for abortion access.

DP but no. Stating facts is not "annihilat[ing] any shots at getting those conservatives to work with liberals." It's stating facts. The idea that there exist a group of 1) conservatives that 2) abhor the GOP of today, and 3) support abortion rights, but 4) need to be carefully wooed by liberals to join them in supporting access to abortion, and 5) that wooing includes pretending that ending abortion isn't a GOP goal and accomplishment that has been celebrated at all levels of the party, *is* magical thinking.

But it lines right up with the guy upthread who said he doesn't agree with the GOP on anything anymore but can't imagine voting D unless they pull a unicorn out of their hat designed to appeal to him and him alone. The PP who said that those pretending to disagree with the party but still voting for them are "some combination of dumb, weak, hypocrites, or lying about their actual views" hit the nail on the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how much conservative (more center or middle would be ideal. )- and find out his views on children, abortion. Been married to a conservative last 16 years and have to say they make great husbands and fathers long term.

please. Conservative men don't believe in equal housework and childcare.

I grew up in a conservative household.

Liberal men are much more aware of women's rights than conservative men, who really don't care much about women's rights.

Also, the highly educated tend to be liberal.

I disagree, I’m very liberal.

Conservative men fix things, take care of the lawn/yard, paint rooms, fix light fixtures, do the taxes, grill, take orders when there is a party, plan tail gates, do the dishes, take their plates to the sink, set up tvs, move furniture, coach kids sports teams, help with nighttime routine (anything family), etc.

Things are equal but fall on gender norm lines.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't do it. And I'd like to think I'm a reasonable individual that is respectful of different view points. Case in point, I recently went out with a man who is a high ranking exec in the mortgage industry, JD/MBA, and generally seems to be a kind, intelligent, successful person. He's from Texas though, and while he dislikes Trump's personality, he clearly is on board with the policy direction of the current GOP. When asked what we should do about school shootings, his response was that "bad actors" are just the price we have to pay for having the most individual freedom in the world. He respects women's right to choice to a degree, but also repeats Fox News tropes that women just use late term abortion as birth control, which no evidence supports and shows a lack of independent critical thinking to me. He said he supports a certain amount of "toxic masculinity" and that we are teaching boys to be to "woke" and "feminine." Ron DeSantis is clearly his man for 2024, which for a host of reasons I cannot respect.

+1. He sounds very douchey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m liberal and my h is conservative. We never had any problems…. But …

He never voted for trump
He thinks BLM
He thinks BLUE lives matter is racist
He believes in equality for all
He supports LGBT rights
He believes in smart gun laws (red flag laws, etc)

but he votes republican? ok.

Most the time but not always. He’s very thoughtful about his vote. So am I. I’ve voted for republicans when I thought it made sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how much conservative (more center or middle would be ideal. )- and find out his views on children, abortion. Been married to a conservative last 16 years and have to say they make great husbands and fathers long term.

please. Conservative men don't believe in equal housework and childcare.

I grew up in a conservative household.

Liberal men are much more aware of women's rights than conservative men, who really don't care much about women's rights.

Also, the highly educated tend to be liberal.

Totally disagree. “Conservative” can apply to a lot of different types of people. My parents are what most people here would call conservative (observant Catholics who are pro-life, don’t support gay marriage, etc) and have an equal marriage. My dad respects my mom’s career and has always been her #1 supporter, encouraged her to go back to school to get her masters, etc. He was and is an incredible, hands-on father and now grandfather. I saw this dynamic in many of the households in our social circle growing up, which was made up of highly-educated Catholics like my parents (ie conservatives).

My highly educated observant Catholic parents are not conservative at all, are pro-choice and support LGBTQ+ rights and the environment. Your Opus Dei circle does not the Church make.

That said, OP, the people saying "this can work" are pointing to examples from generations past and a time when politics was not so very polarized. Look at the women telling you "I cannot speak to my spouse anymore because he has been radicalized by Fox News" (and then for a laugh, the conservative man saying "conservative men are live and let live in relationships" because he doesn't realize terrorizing your wife into silence is not peace), because that's the current situation.

I'm having a hard time believing that a person who works in women's rights would even post this topic, though.

Lol, ok. I’ve never known anyone in Opus Dei and I frankly don’t get why people want to call themselves Catholic when they actively oppose what the Chirch teaches. Go be Methodist or something, but you can’t really have your cake and eat it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how much conservative (more center or middle would be ideal. )- and find out his views on children, abortion. Been married to a conservative last 16 years and have to say they make great husbands and fathers long term.

please. Conservative men don't believe in equal housework and childcare.

I grew up in a conservative household.

Liberal men are much more aware of women's rights than conservative men, who really don't care much about women's rights.

Also, the highly educated tend to be liberal.

Totally disagree. “Conservative” can apply to a lot of different types of people. My parents are what most people here would call conservative (observant Catholics who are pro-life, don’t support gay marriage, etc) and have an equal marriage. My dad respects my mom’s career and has always been her #1 supporter, encouraged her to go back to school to get her masters, etc. He was and is an incredible, hands-on father and now grandfather. I saw this dynamic in many of the households in our social circle growing up, which was made up of highly-educated Catholics like my parents (ie conservatives).

My highly educated observant Catholic parents are not conservative at all, are pro-choice and support LGBTQ+ rights and the environment. Your Opus Dei circle does not the Church make.

That said, OP, the people saying "this can work" are pointing to examples from generations past and a time when politics was not so very polarized. Look at the women telling you "I cannot speak to my spouse anymore because he has been radicalized by Fox News" (and then for a laugh, the conservative man saying "conservative men are live and let live in relationships" because he doesn't realize terrorizing your wife into silence is not peace), because that's the current situation.

I'm having a hard time believing that a person who works in women's rights would even post this topic, though.

Lol, ok. I’ve never known anyone in Opus Dei and I frankly don’t get why people want to call themselves Catholic when they actively oppose what the Chirch teaches. Go be Methodist or something, but you can’t really have your cake and eat it too.

Because we were taught Catholicism is not a cult and when Catholic teaching is in opposition to Jesus’s teachings we speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how much conservative (more center or middle would be ideal. )- and find out his views on children, abortion. Been married to a conservative last 16 years and have to say they make great husbands and fathers long term.

please. Conservative men don't believe in equal housework and childcare.

I grew up in a conservative household.

Liberal men are much more aware of women's rights than conservative men, who really don't care much about women's rights.

Also, the highly educated tend to be liberal.

Totally disagree. “Conservative” can apply to a lot of different types of people. My parents are what most people here would call conservative (observant Catholics who are pro-life, don’t support gay marriage, etc) and have an equal marriage. My dad respects my mom’s career and has always been her #1 supporter, encouraged her to go back to school to get her masters, etc. He was and is an incredible, hands-on father and now grandfather. I saw this dynamic in many of the households in our social circle growing up, which was made up of highly-educated Catholics like my parents (ie conservatives).

My highly educated observant Catholic parents are not conservative at all, are pro-choice and support LGBTQ+ rights and the environment. Your Opus Dei circle does not the Church make.

That said, OP, the people saying "this can work" are pointing to examples from generations past and a time when politics was not so very polarized. Look at the women telling you "I cannot speak to my spouse anymore because he has been radicalized by Fox News" (and then for a laugh, the conservative man saying "conservative men are live and let live in relationships" because he doesn't realize terrorizing your wife into silence is not peace), because that's the current situation.

I'm having a hard time believing that a person who works in women's rights would even post this topic, though.

Lol, ok. I’ve never known anyone in Opus Dei and I frankly don’t get why people want to call themselves Catholic when they actively oppose what the Chirch teaches. Go be Methodist or something, but you can’t really have your cake and eat it too.

I'll run and tell my mom, who is Director of Religious Education for our diocese, that she should "go be Methodist" because an internet twit who can't spell church and doesn't understand Catholic Social Justice disagrees with the Pope about gay rights. Sure thing.