How to deal with angry FIL

[Anonymous]

Imagine this scenario: Your daughter watches the men in her life disrespect the women in her life and sees others remain passive when it happens. She internalizes that and thinks it's normal. Then she falls completely head over heels in love with an abuser but doesn't see any of the red flags because she learned that when someone bullies you, you laugh it off and make a game out of it, because deep down, they love you, right?

Ask me how I know?

Do you want that for your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in with the others that his antoganozing/demeaning you in front of the kids is unacceptable and must end. It's one thing to disagree with someone, it's completely different to engage in the behaviors he's displaying. Model the behavior you want your kids to have - do you want them to think they have to 'take it' just because it's 'family' doing it?

As an aside, my DH's uncle began treating me in a similar manner a few year after we got married. Turns out, it was early stage dementia. For some reason, I became his target.

DP. Though we don't know that OP's FIL has dementia or any other issue -- the point in bold above is a good point to consider, not only for OP but for anyone who seems to be the target of someone's irrational ire. Mental issues/illness/dementia are NOT an excuse but can be an explanation (again, not for OP's FIL but maybe someone else will benefit from hearing this). I became the target of my DH's aunt's completely fabricated accusations at one point, but we all knew she was a lovely person who had mental health issues that waxed and waned. Sure enough, she was off meds and doctor-shopping during the period when she would drop bombshells in letters, saying I had turned up someplace she was 1,000 miles away from where I live to whisper lies about her--etc. etc. I refused to take it personally because I loved her and I knew it meant she was unhinged at that point. No need to speculate why I was a target that time (other relatives were targets during other periods). And that ended when she got on better meds and stuck with them for good.

Just noting, along with the PP, that sometimes there is more going on and it's not about you, the person who feels targeted; however, that's an aside to the main thread. In OP's case, the FIL sounds like he's been terrible to her for so long, it's his personality and not something else going on with him, that's beneath his nasty behaviors.