After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all about your goals in life, OP.

To me going out to expensive restaurants is a waste of money. In my 20s I had a kid to raise and was already focused on getting all of my kids a great education. We needed to save to visit family abroad. What makes me happy is having a cute house in a great school district (worth 1.5-3M in my location) and being able to afford nice vacations, pay for any college my kids want, help with purchasing their first home, etc.

I hope you won't wake up 10 years from now and realize that you actually missed out on what's truly important.

Good for you. What makes you happy isn’t necessarily what makes OP happy.
Eating at expensive restaurants makes OP happy.
Having a cute house in a good school district worth 1.5m isn’t that important to me.
I hope you won’t wake up 10 years from now and be sad because your life has been boring.

[Anonymous]

I did the save and spend model in my 20’s. I lived in a small studio with all utilities included and paid off all my student loans aggressively in less than 3 years. And saved as much as i could, investing it.

I went out 3-4 times a week but had no shame in scouring happy hour meals and drinks. I was a religious happy hour attendant and frozen pizza eater. I was a runner so I didn’t need a gym membership when others were paying $30 for a spin class 5x a week. I got rid of my college car. I just stripped it down and had plenty to spend and save.

I’m happy about it now because it’s clear life would be much different with kids if I hadn’t saved aggressively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

You lived in the moment. That’s legit.

Too many people obsess with saving for the future and then die early and never get to enjoy it. Those are the suckers.

Do you really know anyone who did that? Most people I know who aren't spendthrifts are just mainly reasonably balanced or they just don't get a lot of pleasure out of spending money. That idea of the obsessive miser is common in fiction, but I personally have never met anyone like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all about your goals in life, OP.

To me going out to expensive restaurants is a waste of money. In my 20s I had a kid to raise and was already focused on getting all of my kids a great education. We needed to save to visit family abroad. What makes me happy is having a cute house in a great school district (worth 1.5-3M in my location) and being able to afford nice vacations, pay for any college my kids want, help with purchasing their first home, etc.

I hope you won't wake up 10 years from now and realize that you actually missed out on what's truly important.

I like how you make it seem like eating out at expensive restaurants will preclude all the things you mentioned. Oh no, a few $100 meals and there goes my $1.5m house.

[Anonymous]

I had a blast too in my 20s, but didn’t need to spend a ton to do so. I’m now fully retired at 55 and and having an awesome time. I’m very glad I didn’t eat away my opportunity to quit the rat race early. Hopefully you make a ton of money to catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a blast too in my 20s, but didn’t need to spend a ton to do so. I’m now fully retired at 55 and and having an awesome time. I’m very glad I didn’t eat away my opportunity to quit the rat race early. Hopefully you make a ton of money to catch up.

What do you do now that you’re retired?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

My wife and I were married fairly young, at 23, and we spent a few years enjoying a lot of nice restaurants and traveling, and then in our later 20s we became parents.

All along, we invested half our income. Like you mentioned, we enjoy the idea of building wealth for ourselves, and building a financial legacy that will eventually pass to our children.

I’m satisfied with the balance that we struck. Only you can decide if you are satisfied with where your personal goals are, and if anything should change so that you might achieve them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

These are people who live to suffer and lord it over people who aren't just working and saving every single shilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

These are people who live to suffer and lord it over people who aren't just working and saving every single shilling.

You’re attacking a strawman. Almost everyone has said that it’s a balance, and do what works for you.

We’re not the ones who brought it up in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

It is all about balance and what is right for you. As long as you don’t complain in 3 years that you now have a baby and suddenly want a sfh And cannot save for down payment for a house because you now have childcare costs but also cannot keep renting a condo because you think you deserve more than a condo and life is so unfair, then you are ok.

You can replace scenario above with the other classic of this forum «  but I don’t understand my 2 kids are teenagers and I need to come up with money for college in 3 years and I cannot do it »; or «  I am 50 and I have no retirement savings, this is crazy I cannot work forever »; or « all my 45 yo friends are buying secondary homes and I cant, what in the world happen »….

You are entitled to enjoy the memories and experience of your 20s and value the present more. You just need to fully grasp what you are sacrificing in terms of future comfort or security. There is no right answer, only preferences, if you drop dead tomorrow you are the objective winner in terms of spending strategy.

Oh wow. I didn't realize we that THE anonymous poster who set the rules for what people are allowed to complain about! How interesting.
(yawn)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a blast too in my 20s, but didn’t need to spend a ton to do so. I’m now fully retired at 55 and and having an awesome time. I’m very glad I didn’t eat away my opportunity to quit the rat race early. Hopefully you make a ton of money to catch up.

How nice for you that you haven't had any medical bills or other things beyond your control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a blast too in my 20s, but didn’t need to spend a ton to do so. I’m now fully retired at 55 and and having an awesome time. I’m very glad I didn’t eat away my opportunity to quit the rat race early. Hopefully you make a ton of money to catch up.

How nice for you that you haven't had any medical bills or other things beyond your control.

NP. Neither did OP. It was all safari trips and Michelin restaurants. Take your “it must be nice” bitter commentary to another thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

It is all about balance and what is right for you. As long as you don’t complain in 3 years that you now have a baby and suddenly want a sfh And cannot save for down payment for a house because you now have childcare costs but also cannot keep renting a condo because you think you deserve more than a condo and life is so unfair, then you are ok.

You can replace scenario above with the other classic of this forum «  but I don’t understand my 2 kids are teenagers and I need to come up with money for college in 3 years and I cannot do it »; or «  I am 50 and I have no retirement savings, this is crazy I cannot work forever »; or « all my 45 yo friends are buying secondary homes and I cant, what in the world happen »….

You are entitled to enjoy the memories and experience of your 20s and value the present more. You just need to fully grasp what you are sacrificing in terms of future comfort or security. There is no right answer, only preferences, if you drop dead tomorrow you are the objective winner in terms of spending strategy.

Oh wow. I didn't realize we that THE anonymous poster who set the rules for what people are allowed to complain about! How interesting.
(yawn)

Complain all you want. I don’t give a shit. You made your bed. —np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. I'm happy to have travelled and tried things in my 20s. I can afford what I want/have now (kids, house admittedly in a lower cost of living area than the DMV, etc). Maybe life would be easier if I had dived into crazy hours at a high-paying job 10 years ago I'd be able to afford a better house/be less stressed about finances/etc. But I can't bring myself to regret the fun and experiences I had and the friends I made and the skills I learned.

Interestingly, while I miss travelling a bit I don't mind passing on it now. I like my bed, I like my home routine, I don't want to find a catsitter, hotels for travelling with kids are SO expensive. I'm glad I saw a lot of the world when I could just up and go and spend $15/night at youth hostel.

Travel with money vs. $15 youth hostels are tow very different things. I have done both, and let me tell you, traveling in my mid 40s now with our kids and on a healthy budget is SO nice and worth it. We have a dog and again, money buys you some really great dog and cat sitters

[Anonymous]

What do you want? Fun memories and adventures in your youth and a stressful and insecure adulthood and retirement?

Or boring and busy work life in youth but wealth and success in adulthood and older age?