After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?

[Anonymous]

A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

YOLO, right? I took a more balanced approach. It's nice to be in my early 40s with a personal NW of $2m and a HH NW of much higher because DH had a similar approach. Now we can afford to travel a lot with our kids, eat at nice restaurants, etc. The bigger issue for us in our 20s was that we both worked like 70+ hours a week - less of an issue that we regret over saving and more of an issue that we regret not traveling a little more before kids (we traveled, but I wish we traveled as much as the current generation of 20-somethings who have a completely different attitude than I did at their age).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

It is all about balance and what is right for you. As long as you don’t complain in 3 years that you now have a baby and suddenly want a sfh And cannot save for down payment for a house because you now have childcare costs but also cannot keep renting a condo because you think you deserve more than a condo and life is so unfair, then you are ok.

You can replace scenario above with the other classic of this forum «  but I don’t understand my 2 kids are teenagers and I need to come up with money for college in 3 years and I cannot do it »; or «  I am 50 and I have no retirement savings, this is crazy I cannot work forever »; or « all my 45 yo friends are buying secondary homes and I cant, what in the world happen »….

You are entitled to enjoy the memories and experience of your 20s and value the present more. You just need to fully grasp what you are sacrificing in terms of future comfort or security. There is no right answer, only preferences, if you drop dead tomorrow you are the objective winner in terms of spending strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

You need Michelin stars for a thrill?
I was able to do both, OP. We had a lot of fun in those pre-wedding, pre-kid days, but I also managed to save.
I wasn't locked in my house worried about my 401k, but I wasn't riding camels in Dubai either.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are in your 30s and you have time to do what you can. Or even 40s? Better now than never.

But it sounds like you had fun when you were young. That's worth something. I vacationed at a place I've always wanted to go to with my teens recently. We all loved it, but I could see the value in having experienced it in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you are in your 30s and you have time to do what you can. Or even 40s? Better now than never.

But it sounds like you had fun when you were young. That's worth something. I vacationed at a place I've always wanted to go to with my teens recently. We all loved it, but I could see the value in having experienced it in my 20s.

Sorry just read you are mid 30s. With a good income, you can finish well, even though others have more. Run your own race.

[Anonymous]

I worked long and hard hours in my 20s, and did not eat much at fancy restaurants.

But I have taken off work for months at a time twice in my 30s and 40s to travel around the world with my kids, living off savings both times.

Both statements are those of extraordinary privilege no matter how you cut it, and I am grateful and happy in the life I have. I was lucky to have the ability to work and save and I was lucky to have the ability to not work and travel with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

nothing wrong with having a little fun. personally, I find the idea of being overly responsible at the cost of some of those experiences to be a pendulum swing too far. Sounds like you had a blast. Hopefully you were at least contributing up to your company's match into retirement at the same time. If you come back and say you saved 0 for the entire decade - that was probably a little irresponsible. If you had that fun and saved some but not the maximum (meaning you weren't hitting the IRS max or putting an additional 20% of your salary into investment accounts) then that seems fine. Enjoying your 20s was probably worth that tradeoff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

You did it all right!!! Don’t stress!!!! 99 percent of the people I know who are truly wealthy did everything you mentioned, the big life, the great restaurants and cool trips. And they have made good financial decisions on real estate and savings and gotten jobs that pay them the big bucks. You gotta do both!!!!

We are frugal bc I stay home with the kids but thankfully my hubby earns high six figures and I manage our real estate rental
Portfolio plus have some side income from family assets. There’s no one path!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. I'm happy to have travelled and tried things in my 20s. I can afford what I want/have now (kids, house admittedly in a lower cost of living area than the DMV, etc). Maybe life would be easier if I had dived into crazy hours at a high-paying job 10 years ago I'd be able to afford a better house/be less stressed about finances/etc. But I can't bring myself to regret the fun and experiences I had and the friends I made and the skills I learned.

Interestingly, while I miss travelling a bit I don't mind passing on it now. I like my bed, I like my home routine, I don't want to find a catsitter, hotels for travelling with kids are SO expensive. I'm glad I saw a lot of the world when I could just up and go and spend $15/night at youth hostel.

[Anonymous]

Different things for different people.

If you're happy with your experiences more than you would be with the savings, then so be it.

I had experiences and I saved money.
I ate at Michelin starred restaurants as well but maybe not as many as others (?)

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. I'm happy to have travelled and tried things in my 20s. I can afford what I want/have now (kids, house admittedly in a lower cost of living area than the DMV, etc). Maybe life would be easier if I had dived into crazy hours at a high-paying job 10 years ago I'd be able to afford a better house/be less stressed about finances/etc. But I can't bring myself to regret the fun and experiences I had and the friends I made and the skills I learned.

Interestingly, while I miss travelling a bit I don't mind passing on it now. I like my bed, I like my home routine, I don't want to find a catsitter, hotels for travelling with kids are SO expensive. I'm glad I saw a lot of the world when I could just up and go and spend $15/night at youth hostel.

I relate to this. I did a lot of traveling in my 20s and the idea of doing anything close to it now, at least the way I did it then, sounds horrificly exhausting. Maybe that will change when the kids are older but nowadaysin my mid-30s, I am perfectly happy to stay home and enjoy quiet. Though I am looking forward to our next island vacay. Otherwise it's ok.

[Anonymous]

I think there's a big difference between going to fabulous dinners that you enjoy with friends and wasting tons of money on take out food that is expensive and not that good. I'm glad I did the former and aspire to plan better to avoid the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?

It is all about balance and what is right for you. As long as you don’t complain in 3 years that you now have a baby and suddenly want a sfh And cannot save for down payment for a house because you now have childcare costs but also cannot keep renting a condo because you think you deserve more than a condo and life is so unfair, then you are ok.

You can replace scenario above with the other classic of this forum «  but I don’t understand my 2 kids are teenagers and I need to come up with money for college in 3 years and I cannot do it »; or «  I am 50 and I have no retirement savings, this is crazy I cannot work forever »; or « all my 45 yo friends are buying secondary homes and I cant, what in the world happen »….

You are entitled to enjoy the memories and experience of your 20s and value the present more. You just need to fully grasp what you are sacrificing in terms of future comfort or security. There is no right answer, only preferences, if you drop dead tomorrow you are the objective winner in terms of spending strategy.

There is no right answer, and so much depends on your current career and lifestyle. If you are saving a big chunk of your HHI, even in your mid-30s you can catch up and have enough for a comfortable retirement. But if you're living paycheck to paycheck and fall into PP's classic scenarios above, you will be struggling into retirement age and beyond.

[Anonymous]

I wish i hadn't worried about money so much when I was in my 20s. It's not like there was ever much to invest or spend lavishly, but what little discretionary income I had was spent on bands in bars and concerts. Wish I had been bold and spent more on traveling when I was younger.