Evil Stepmom
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Anonymous
| Best case, SD is ordinary teen separating from adults in home. Worst case, kids learn early which buttons to push and “evil” stepmom reads your button. Whichever it is, hope you can talk to someone so you can let the pulling away not hurt you or you’ll be a mess when bigger things come (the wedding when SD only wants her mom and dad to be in certain photos, to do this and that, etc.). |
Anonymous
This. It’s the age. She will come around. |
Anonymous
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You sound very kind OP. I wish I had had such a thoughtful stepmom growing up.
I am a daughter from the first marriage, and my dad's wife was nice too, for years. However, once they had their own kids, dad's wife treated them as tier 1, and us as tier 2. Over time she simply redirected all the energy to their family and the eventually moved to a different state. Relationships were never repaired and none of us have any communication with them. Give your SD some space as pps suggest. Let her dad carry the water, but invite her and include her as part of your family. |
Anonymous
What does this mean? This is a very melodramatic statement. And it isn't that I am not sympathetic to your position, but really what does this mean? Are you going to divorce dad? Are you going to stop letting her come over? Are you going to slam the door shut on ever possibly opening the door again? It sounds like definitely not 1, 2 would be horrible and turn you into the evil stepmother you think she sees, and 3 is, frankly, ignorant of the ebb and flow of human relationships. You aren't super close right now, but when this girl starts living on her own, she will see her childhood more clearly. She will see all of you, all of her parents, clearly, and as she matures and starts her own family, her feelings about all of this will evolve. If you are the parent that was always there and was ok when she went through her tumultuous teens, then she will remember that. If you have some enormous dramatic tantrum when she's 17 about how you love her and she's mean to you then she'll remember that too. But no matter what happens here, she is your husbands daughter, and no matter what you say, you will always think of her as a daughter, this child you have known since age 1. These types of things happen with biological children too. So stop with this dramatic talk. this is your family, you don't give up on a child, you decided you were in it for the long haul. Accept that the long haul has ups and downs. Accept that you can only control your own actions. Accept that teenagers need stable loving adults who don't give up on them. |
Anonymous
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It is mostly the age, I have the same with my daughter. Be the grown up & continue to show affection, pour love & care into her, without looking for a return in kind. Be that kind, steady presence that a parent needs to be in a teen’s life.
You can’t chase the relationship you had with her as a little kid. I definitely wish I could go back to those days before 10 yrs old when my daughter loved doing those fun beach/museum/etc trips. But this is a different phase of life, & as parents, I think we have to be careful that we don’t feel resentful about losing our fun times/little buddy. That was a phase in her life, and now she is in a different phase, where she is pulling away from childhood. Let her -but always be a kind steady presence who is there to chat when she needs it, make her a special meal, etc. it is hard & sad at times for us parents who would still like the closeness & hugs & fun times, but it’s not about us. This is totally normal development, not an evil stepmom dynamic, so I wouldn’t start getting hurt and pulling further away or retaliating, which is where you seem to be going. |