Reply to Evil Stepmom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kids need people who don't "give up" on them even when they are difficult and distant. Be that rock steady, loving presence. Give selflessly. She's a child. You're an adult.[/quote]

Thank you. Hoping I don’t get to a point where I can’t give anymore. I am pretty close.[/quote]

What does this mean? This is a very melodramatic statement. And it isn't that I am not sympathetic to your position, but really what does this mean? Are you going to divorce dad? Are you going to stop letting her come over? Are you going to slam the door shut on ever possibly opening the door again? It sounds like definitely not 1, 2 would be horrible and turn you into the evil stepmother you think she sees, and 3 is, frankly, ignorant of the ebb and flow of human relationships.

You aren't super close right now, but when this girl starts living on her own, she will see her childhood more clearly. She will see all of you, all of her parents, clearly, and as she matures and starts her own family, her feelings about all of this will evolve.

If you are the parent that was always there and was ok when she went through her tumultuous teens, then she will remember that. If you have some enormous dramatic tantrum when she's 17 about how you love her and she's mean to you then she'll remember that too.

But no matter what happens here, she is your husbands daughter, and no matter what you say, you will always think of her as a daughter, this child you have known since age 1. These types of things happen with biological children too. So stop with this dramatic talk. this is your family, you don't give up on a child, you decided you were in it for the long haul. Accept that the long haul has ups and downs. Accept that you can only control your own actions. Accept that teenagers need stable loving adults who don't give up on them. [/quote]

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