Am I being unfaithful? Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

If this isn’t a troll, this is the most delusional, narcissistic, and harmful advice I’ve read in a very long time.

Agree, our spouses are not commodities that we transact on when a better product comes along.

The major mistake here is to explore the attraction. No, that is called temptation. When tempted we need to plug into our integrity and values. This is utter bs advice and a recipe for disaster, especially if there are kids involved.

[Anonymous]

I thought having a sexual dream about another person is an indication that you aren't enjoying enough intimacy in your day/evening.

or not..........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

If this isn’t a troll, this is the most delusional, narcissistic, and harmful advice I’ve read in a very long time.

Agree, our spouses are not commodities that we transact on when a better product comes along.

The major mistake here is to explore the attraction. No, that is called temptation. When tempted we need to plug into our integrity and values. This is utter bs advice and a recipe for disaster, especially if there are kids involved.

Lol. That PP was clearly being sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve met people where I could feel a certain level of chemistry and even attraction with. I can tell if we weren’t both married this is someone I would be really excited about. I absolutely do not have a wandering eye. This is something that I notice with certain individuals and it’s really only happened like twice in the last 15 years I’ve been with my DH.

I think there are just some people we are more aligned with than others. Like there is more than one suitable life partner for us in life and maybe these other individuals fall in that category for me.

I approach it as well I’m already married though so those doors are closed. Both people I still see. One regularly and after a few years I reached a new place in how I saw him. That I could be really fond of him as a human but that there would be nothing. The other person was actually a school dad so I rarely see him and put am mindful that if I do to keep it brief and move on. I think both of the other parties feel something too but I don’t know for sure and I will never ask.

I made my choice about who I am committed to. I know my DH and I are meant for each other. Too many things were serendipitous in our courtship. And there are still other humans out there I feel an inherent connection to when I meet them. Glad to know I’m alive.

It's not this deep.

It's really just a crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought having a sexual dream about another person is an indication that you aren't enjoying enough intimacy in your day/evening.

or not..........

There was nothing sexual in that dream

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

Thank goodness for sarcasm!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar experience (feeling the beginnings of having a crush on someone who was in a relationship and then dreaming about them). It freaked me out a bit, too, OP. I pretty much made a point to avoid that person in future and sort of redirect any conscious thoughts about them, but I refuse to feel guilty about my dreams. I can't control those. FWIW, I didn't dream about them again, and we moved a year later and now I just think of them as someone nice I used to know and honestly can't see the attraction any more. Like they weren't even that attractive!

Agree. Past lives and all that. Even if it isn’t (though no one can prove it isn’t)— energy, matter, a universe that is wholly unknown is bound to get entangled. I don’t believe it’s lights out in the end. The only relatable experience I’ve had, OP, was also a school thing. I was waiting in line for the math teacher at a middle school parent/teacher conference. He was waiting in the line next to me for a science teacher. We looked over at each other and smiled. Pure energy. I knew he felt the same thing. Was very weird because we didn’t talk or introduce ourselves. Just glanced much longer than normal. The long glance wasn’t because we thought we recognized one another. That was the weird part, it was a familiar energy. This was years ago, and I still remember what he was wearing. He wasn’t particularly tall or handsome. He was wearing a long overcoat which was ill fitting lol. Never ran into him again.

I wonder if only women have this kind of encounter, any man here who had similar feelings?

Yes am a man and just had this recently with a waitress. Not a sexual thing because she’s older but just like when we make eye contact I can just feel she is a good person and I somehow know we are similar and would get along really well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He checked you out. You felt it, you liked it. Now you’re making up stories in your head because it feels good. That’s all it is. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as you stay on straight and narrow.

OP here, no he didn't "check me out". His wife was right there, and we saw each other at the same time, our eye met at the exact same time. Like I said, it was a strange feeling, I think maybe the "past life" thing makes sense.

Are you people this ugly that is the first time you have had some guy eye connect with you in front of a wife or girlfriend or in a work meeting????

Christ, I'm 53 and have had that experience 1,000s time over in my lifetime. The difference is it made me feel creepy AF with their wife right there.

I guess that's why some women are 'easy pickins' for married men.

I think that there are a lot of insecure women on this thread who are in denial that their husbands find other women attractive or occasionally have crushes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

If this isn’t a troll, this is the most delusional, narcissistic, and harmful advice I’ve read in a very long time.

Agree, our spouses are not commodities that we transact on when a better product comes along.

The major mistake here is to explore the attraction. No, that is called temptation. When tempted we need to plug into our integrity and values. This is utter bs advice and a recipe for disaster, especially if there are kids involved.

So marriage is a prison sentence? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He checked you out. You felt it, you liked it. Now you’re making up stories in your head because it feels good. That’s all it is. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as you stay on straight and narrow.

OP here, no he didn't "check me out". His wife was right there, and we saw each other at the same time, our eye met at the exact same time. Like I said, it was a strange feeling, I think maybe the "past life" thing makes sense.

Are you people this ugly that is the first time you have had some guy eye connect with you in front of a wife or girlfriend or in a work meeting????

Christ, I'm 53 and have had that experience 1,000s time over in my lifetime. The difference is it made me feel creepy AF with their wife right there.

I guess that's why some women are 'easy pickins' for married men.

I think that there are a lot of insecure women on this thread who are in denial that their husbands find other women attractive or occasionally have crushes.

The people in this thread were posting 8 months ago; what was the point of reopening it?

[Anonymous]

Reverse the situation and ask yourself how you would feel if your DH was doing what you are.

Or better yet, what if your child's spouse was doing it. How would you feel about that spouse?

[Anonymous]

It's called a crush. It will pass.

[Anonymous]

I think that was chemistry. Lovely lovely chemistry.