Saw my 4 yo at preschool today and his behavior was terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preschool team says he needs visual schedules, give him the visual schedules. I promise you, they know. I'm assuming the preschool team is comprised of a preschool teacher, some paraducators, and possibly some extra services like speech, and OT. Listen to the team. There is a huge difference between three-four year olds, and four-five-year-olds. He has another year to get ready for kindergarten. And he might need a learning center. You don't know if he can do homeschool model, or the Learning Center, but give him the other year to mature

The other option ice he needs a more structured preschool vs. play based. But, do get an assessment and see if he needs more.

[Anonymous]

There are many preschools in between structured and play based. It’s a spectrum. Reggio, for example, can be amazing for easily distracted kids because the parent is very involved from the outset and seen as a partner to the teacher. Also, it’s exploratory but also includes circle time.

I’m curious how NCRC would approach this student. They aren’t Reggio but are leaders in special needs in this age group.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks so much for the helpful and supportive replies.

For the replies that are convinced I’m in denial about my son’s issues, I’m really not interested in your input. If you read my OP, you’d know that I have a 4 year old who has an IEP. I’m aware he has problems. He has had many evaluations and receives lots of therapies. Schools don’t give IEPs to 3 year olds without good reason. DS has been receiving support since he was 8 months old.

As I explained, we are doing a visual schedule. I don’t think it helps, but we are doing it.

I just get sick of people not reading the post and then concluding that the issue is me thinking I have a perfect snowflake and blaming the teacher for his bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks so much for the helpful and supportive replies.

For the replies that are convinced I’m in denial about my son’s issues, I’m really not interested in your input. If you read my OP, you’d know that I have a 4 year old who has an IEP. I’m aware he has problems. He has had many evaluations and receives lots of therapies. Schools don’t give IEPs to 3 year olds without good reason. DS has been receiving support since he was 8 months old.

As I explained, we are doing a visual schedule. I don’t think it helps, but we are doing it.

I just get sick of people not reading the post and then concluding that the issue is me thinking I have a perfect snowflake and blaming the teacher for his bad behavior.

I would change preschools. It doesn't sound like this is a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Being the youngest in a group when you are 3 and the other kids are 4 or 5 is huge!

He’s 4. It’s literally in the title.

Why in the world would you want your son to be the youngest in the class?? That’s insane! Stop pushing him. Let him re-enter that classroom next year with more maturity and the ability to behave on par with the other students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the teacher what they recommend. Do everything they say.

Op here. I will follow up but we had a meeting in November for his IEP and the teachers basically said that they are giving him time to mature and that they do not try to force him to participate. They said he still has all of next year to get ready for kindergarten and that they plan to ramp up the expectations more next year and give him time this year.

They also recommended a visual schedule, which we’ve done, but which I don’t think helps.

I’m going to reach out again today to see if she has other thoughts.

We were right where you are literally a year ago. We continued outside OT, added outside speech therapy, and started Ritalin. I can swear to you that 12 month later, things are so much better!

My big evidence: I took my son to a birthday party at My Gym this past weekend, and he was able to participate, listen, and enjoy. It's not perfect by any means, but we made a ton of progress between PK and K - with a group of great teachers and an IEP for ADHD. Fall of 2021, I was leaving My Gym, birthday parties, and play groups with both of us in tears.

Hang in there and trust your son's team!

[Anonymous]

Agree with the others who said not to send the nanny so that she can encourage him to comply. Sitting in a circle for morning meeting might not be a reasonable expectation for him right now, and that’s ok. Definitely meet him where he is and don’t force him to sit in one place just because that’s the rule at school. He’s still so young, OP! Preschool teachers should be able to deal with a kid who runs circles during morning meeting. They can handle this.

[Anonymous]

I’m a PP and wanted to add that my kindergartener still can’t sit still but somehow she’s learning to read. When we go to programs at the library or birthday parties or weekend classes, she is NEVER doing what the group is doing. But! She’s doing ok in kindergarten, thanks to a lovely and understanding teacher and a solid IEP.

[Anonymous]

Have they mentioned having him just repeat this class next year, to give him more time to mature?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

The benefit of preschool is that it teaches kids how to behave in a classroom setting. It prepares them for the next 12 years of their lives.

Trust me, as someone who was a K teacher years ago, we could immediately tell the kids who'd never been to preschool or even a daycare setting vs those who had.

[Anonymous]

Please don't blame yourself OP. He's so little! Things will get better with time! Your little one is likely a kinesthetic learner and needs more movement than some of his peers.

Op, you're a great mom! It's heartbreaking in the moment, but thing will certainly be better by the time kindergarten begins!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Being the youngest in a group when you are 3 and the other kids are 4 or 5 is huge!

He’s 4. It’s literally in the title.

Why in the world would you want your son to be the youngest in the class?? That’s insane! Stop pushing him. Let him re-enter that classroom next year with more maturity and the ability to behave on par with the other students.

Op here. My son has special needs and an IEP. He went straight from early intervention to this inclusive preschool classroom at our local public school when he turned 3. I’m hardly pushing him. I’m following the advice of our medical teams to give him the best shot at kindergarten in fall of 2024. He’s only in class for 3 hours, 4 days per week. I have a full time nanny so it’s not even about childcare. I’m pushing to see if he might have a chance of being on the low side of average, not trying to get my son into Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have they mentioned having him just repeat this class next year, to give him more time to mature?

Op here. He just turned 4 so he will be in this same classroom all of next year and will go to kindergarten in the fall of 2024.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the teacher what they recommend. Do everything they say.

Op here. I will follow up but we had a meeting in November for his IEP and the teachers basically said that they are giving him time to mature and that they do not try to force him to participate. They said he still has all of next year to get ready for kindergarten and that they plan to ramp up the expectations more next year and give him time this year.

They also recommended a visual schedule, which we’ve done, but which I don’t think helps.

I’m going to reach out again today to see if she has other thoughts.

We were right where you are literally a year ago. We continued outside OT, added outside speech therapy, and started Ritalin. I can swear to you that 12 month later, things are so much better!

My big evidence: I took my son to a birthday party at My Gym this past weekend, and he was able to participate, listen, and enjoy. It's not perfect by any means, but we made a ton of progress between PK and K - with a group of great teachers and an IEP for ADHD. Fall of 2021, I was leaving My Gym, birthday parties, and play groups with both of us in tears.

Hang in there and trust your son's team!

Do doctors give 5 year olds Ritalin? That seems young.

[Anonymous]

What about a good BCBA who can visit his class a few times a week? That's been working for us and our DS is 3.5yrs old with not really disruptive behaviors, but some repetitive and some sensory...it's been doing great.