Saw my 4 yo at preschool today and his behavior was terrible
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Anonymous
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Today I dropped my preschooler in his classroom instead of at the door and his teacher invited me to stick around for morning circle.
While all the other kids sat down and participated in morning circle, my DS was running around the classroom, grabbing things and dropping them on the floor. I tried to get him to go sit down but that just escalated things further and he’d start throwing himself on the ground or throwing toys. I’m so demoralized. I knew he had struggles and I knew he was behind but I haven’t often seen him with a group of his peers. He is so, so, different from them. This is an inclusive preschool but the other kids seemed a lot more advanced behaviorally. DS is the youngest in the class, but still. I will of course reach out to his teacher to discuss. One idea I had was to ask if our nanny could join him in class for a few days, weeks, or months to help enforce him participating. Our nanny has the greatest success of anyone at getting DS to comply. Can anyone say anything encouraging to me? What should I be doing? DS already has an IEP and this is a public preschool with a mixed classroom. |
Anonymous
| How old is he? Being the youngest in a group when you are 3 and the other kids are 4 or 5 is huge! |
Anonymous
He’s 4. It’s literally in the title. |
Anonymous
| Ask the teacher what they recommend. Do everything they say. |
Anonymous
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If you send the nanny, it shouldn't be to force him to comply. Instead she can try to do a quiet activity in parallel or sit with him to watch the other kids if he's unwilling to participate. I would speak to the teachers and ask what they think is best.
Also, he may have been acting worse in your presence. See what the teachers have to say. |
Anonymous
Agree. Our preschool teachers and assistants are all very experienced--all have 15 plus years of experience. They were spot on with their observations about my kid and had very specific suggestions. |
Anonymous
| Is it possible he was acting up because you were there and he was out of his routine? He might listen better to the teachers when you aren't present. Maybe ask his teacher if that's the case. |
Anonymous
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Big hug OP. I know this sinking feeling all too well. My DS, also 4, is similar (he definitely has ADHD, I expect he's likely got ASD too though for now it has been "ruled out").
I found OT for his attention issues very helpful. Some of what you describe could also be sensory issues. It sounds like an OT-specific eval could help if you have not done that. In my experience, an IEP team is not looking at that kind of thing through the same lens as an OT. For my DS, I talked to his teachers about drawing him into participating in circle time more. Like I said above, a lot of his behaviors are related to underlying neurodiversity, but there is a behavioral component as well (for my son! not saying I think all kids who do this have behavioral issues) and I want to make sure that he is being given the message that the expectation is he participates. The teachers have focused on this and I do see him participating more. Hope some of this is helpful! |
Anonymous
My guess is the teacher invited OP to stay so OP could see how he normally behaves, and this was it. |
Anonymous
Yes, agree with this. Because if OP had heard that this was what he was like without seeing it, she never would have believed it given how surprised she was. |
Anonymous
Op here. I will follow up but we had a meeting in November for his IEP and the teachers basically said that they are giving him time to mature and that they do not try to force him to participate. They said he still has all of next year to get ready for kindergarten and that they plan to ramp up the expectations more next year and give him time this year. They also recommended a visual schedule, which we’ve done, but which I don’t think helps. I’m going to reach out again today to see if she has other thoughts. |
Anonymous
| Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home. |
Anonymous
Op here. He just turned 4. The other kids I think are generally closer to 5, but I am not sure. This is a public school and it’s preschool so if they are 5, it would be more like recently turned 5 because otherwise they’d be in kindergarten. |
Anonymous
Op here. I think so. He has an IEP and receives therapy at school and we’re trying to prepare him for kindergarten. It’s only 3 hours, 4 days a week. He’s been going to this same program for a whole year now and still isn’t integrated into the routine of the classroom though. I know he has challenges but I thought preschool was going better than this 
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Anonymous
What? |