Saw my 4 yo at preschool today and his behavior was terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

Op here. I think so. He has an IEP and receives therapy at school and we’re trying to prepare him for kindergarten. It’s only 3 hours, 4 days a week. He’s been going to this same program for a whole year now and still isn’t integrated into the routine of the classroom though.

I know he has challenges but I thought preschool was going better than this

Why did you think that?
Did the school indicate that, did they tell you he was doing better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

What?

I am the PP with the very similar kid, and I couldn't disagree more. A four-year-old is ready for some kind of preschool to be ready to meet the expectations of kindergarten, especially if you are seeing this kind of stuff going on! I think all the time about how it would be easier to pull my kid, get a nanny, and not deal with all of this because it is anxiety-provoking and often heart-wrenching to see him so behind his peers but all that would do is delay beginning to help him with these issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

Op here. I think so. He has an IEP and receives therapy at school and we’re trying to prepare him for kindergarten. It’s only 3 hours, 4 days a week. He’s been going to this same program for a whole year now and still isn’t integrated into the routine of the classroom though.

I know he has challenges but I thought preschool was going better than this

Why did you think that?
Did the school indicate that, did they tell you he was doing better?

Op here. We had conferences earlier this month and they said he was doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

Op here. I think so. He has an IEP and receives therapy at school and we’re trying to prepare him for kindergarten. It’s only 3 hours, 4 days a week. He’s been going to this same program for a whole year now and still isn’t integrated into the routine of the classroom though.

I know he has challenges but I thought preschool was going better than this

Please do not send him to K in the fall (if that's what you're implying).

[Anonymous]

I think that if they said he is doing well, and he is also getting support and therapy, you need to read those two things together. "He' is doing well does not mean he is on the same trajectory as his classmates. He may be improving and advancing in ways that the teachers consider meaningful and ALSO be way behind/different than his peers. I would suggest that you connect with the school and ask for a conference. It may be time to consider what this will look like longer term. For example, does the preschool and do the counselors/therapists think that he will be able to join a mainstream kindergarten class based on where he is now. Or, is their experience that he may need to enroll in a more specialized school. Or, is it all just too soon to tell. I think you need to have a conversation about what is really happening now that the scales are off your eyes. Sorry OP. It is a tough situation and I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

Op here. I think so. He has an IEP and receives therapy at school and we’re trying to prepare him for kindergarten. It’s only 3 hours, 4 days a week. He’s been going to this same program for a whole year now and still isn’t integrated into the routine of the classroom though.

I know he has challenges but I thought preschool was going better than this

Please do not send him to K in the fall (if that's what you're implying).

Even without special needs in the picture, I would not send a kid the age of OP's kid (who will only be 4.5 when K starts) to kindergarten in the fall. I don't even think they would take him at a public school under normal circumstances since he's too young for the age cutoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that if they said he is doing well, and he is also getting support and therapy, you need to read those two things together. "He' is doing well does not mean he is on the same trajectory as his classmates. He may be improving and advancing in ways that the teachers consider meaningful and ALSO be way behind/different than his peers. I would suggest that you connect with the school and ask for a conference. It may be time to consider what this will look like longer term. For example, does the preschool and do the counselors/therapists think that he will be able to join a mainstream kindergarten class based on where he is now. Or, is their experience that he may need to enroll in a more specialized school. Or, is it all just too soon to tell. I think you need to have a conversation about what is really happening now that the scales are off your eyes. Sorry OP. It is a tough situation and I feel for you.

This OP.

And make the appointment like tomorrow. You need the information to help your DC and this is the first step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that if they said he is doing well, and he is also getting support and therapy, you need to read those two things together. "He' is doing well does not mean he is on the same trajectory as his classmates. He may be improving and advancing in ways that the teachers consider meaningful and ALSO be way behind/different than his peers. I would suggest that you connect with the school and ask for a conference. It may be time to consider what this will look like longer term. For example, does the preschool and do the counselors/therapists think that he will be able to join a mainstream kindergarten class based on where he is now. Or, is their experience that he may need to enroll in a more specialized school. Or, is it all just too soon to tell. I think you need to have a conversation about what is really happening now that the scales are off your eyes. Sorry OP. It is a tough situation and I feel for you.

Op here. We raised this question at the IEP meeting in November and they said it was too soon to know, especially since he still has all of next year before he starts kindergarten. We also talked about other alternatives at that meeting but they said we should keep him where he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible he was acting up because you were there and he was out of his routine? He might listen better to the teachers when you aren't present. Maybe ask his teacher if that's the case.

My guess is the teacher invited OP to stay so OP could see how he normally behaves, and this was it.

I’m a former preschool teacher/first grade. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that if they said he is doing well, and he is also getting support and therapy, you need to read those two things together. "He' is doing well does not mean he is on the same trajectory as his classmates. He may be improving and advancing in ways that the teachers consider meaningful and ALSO be way behind/different than his peers. I would suggest that you connect with the school and ask for a conference. It may be time to consider what this will look like longer term. For example, does the preschool and do the counselors/therapists think that he will be able to join a mainstream kindergarten class based on where he is now. Or, is their experience that he may need to enroll in a more specialized school. Or, is it all just too soon to tell. I think you need to have a conversation about what is really happening now that the scales are off your eyes. Sorry OP. It is a tough situation and I feel for you.

Op here. We raised this question at the IEP meeting in November and they said it was too soon to know, especially since he still has all of next year before he starts kindergarten. We also talked about other alternatives at that meeting but they said we should keep him where he is.

I think asking for a Spring semester check in is appropriate. I also think you need to convey to them that you now see that he is not in the same zone as his peers. You may not have been as open to this concept in the Fall and teachers and therapists don't want to come off as harsh or judgmental. Now you have seen it. Maybe you even ask if you can observe a longer period or be a playground monitor or lunch helper or something so you can see more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Being the youngest in a group when you are 3 and the other kids are 4 or 5 is huge!

Op here. He just turned 4. The other kids I think are generally closer to 5, but I am not sure. This is a public school and it’s preschool so if they are 5, it would be more like recently turned 5 because otherwise they’d be in kindergarten.

So he was 3 all of fall. If there were kids who missed the cutoff for kindergarten other students could have been turning 5. That is a really big difference. I wouldn't worry about it right now because he has all of the rest of this year and the following school year before he goes to K. If there is room in the class as new students who are turning 3 are placed in the class then he won't be the youngest and the teachers will have to have more age appropriate expectations.

[Anonymous]

Do not panic OP. This sounds within the realm of normal for a four year old in preschool and your school's approach sounds reasonable and appropriate.

Not all four year olds are ready for preschool and the expectations. Heck some 5 year olds and 6 year olds are not ready for kindergarten or 1st grade and they turn out just fine.

DD had a child in her K class who was young for the grade and was doing the same things your child is doing the previous year. He just could not sit still and follow directions and would throw things. His parents pulled him from school that year and put him in K the following year. When he came back to K the next year he was the star student. Very well behaved, top of the class academically, got along well with peers.

I could tell you the same story about other kids who matured late and looked out of place in 1st grade and then by 2nd they were doing great.

When you have the perspective of time like I do you can see how certain behaviors may be exasperating but not really huge red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Being the youngest in a group when you are 3 and the other kids are 4 or 5 is huge!

Op here. He just turned 4. The other kids I think are generally closer to 5, but I am not sure. This is a public school and it’s preschool so if they are 5, it would be more like recently turned 5 because otherwise they’d be in kindergarten.

So he was 3 all of fall. If there were kids who missed the cutoff for kindergarten other students could have been turning 5. That is a really big difference. I wouldn't worry about it right now because he has all of the rest of this year and the following school year before he goes to K. If there is room in the class as new students who are turning 3 are placed in the class then he won't be the youngest and the teachers will have to have more age appropriate expectations.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

Op here. I think so. He has an IEP and receives therapy at school and we’re trying to prepare him for kindergarten. It’s only 3 hours, 4 days a week. He’s been going to this same program for a whole year now and still isn’t integrated into the routine of the classroom though.

I know he has challenges but I thought preschool was going better than this

Please do not send him to K in the fall (if that's what you're implying).

If he just turned 4, how is he old enough for kindergarten next fall? Wouldn't he have another year of preschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

Op here. I think so. He has an IEP and receives therapy at school and we’re trying to prepare him for kindergarten. It’s only 3 hours, 4 days a week. He’s been going to this same program for a whole year now and still isn’t integrated into the routine of the classroom though.

I know he has challenges but I thought preschool was going better than this

Please do not send him to K in the fall (if that's what you're implying).

If he just turned 4, how is he old enough for kindergarten next fall? Wouldn't he have another year of preschool?

Op here. He will go to kindergarten in the fall of 2024, not fall of 2023 he still has a full year of preschool left after this current school year. Our district has a sept 1 cutoff and he won’t turn 5 until after that.