Does anyone else not want to live to be very old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of people who are enjoying life and healthy at 65. I think the stuff may really hit the fan around 80, so that may be a better goal.

80 is the major shit hitting fan time for a large percentage of family and neighbors we have known, but really the shit is already flying at 75. It just gets unbearable by 80 and down hill from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is 80 and we are talking about her financial situation. Her parents lived well into their 90s eating red meat, drinking daily and smoking for decades. She does none of that AND has their genes, so she could easily live another 20 years.

Every time I talk about making her money last till she's 100, she says, "Oh I don't want to live that long."

So, Mom. What's the plan? Load your pockets with rocks and walk into the sea?

A friend said her dad told her that when he gets to the point of major cognitive decline, “just drive me off a cliff.” And she was like, well, dad, you know I can’t do that, so…?

I need to have this conversation soon with my mom and am dreading it. Sigh. Personally, I’d rather assisted suicide when I’m lucid enough to realize that things are about to go downhill, if given the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely agree. Aging terrifies me. Dying at 65 sounds great to me.

I gotta tell you that you will most likely change your mind when you are in your 60s, once there it doesn't seem old at all. Unless you have serious health problems, I guess.

I am 61 and can't imagine being dead in four years. I guess it helps that I am healthy, have great friends, and do work I enjoy.

Me too!

I just went out to a bar with friends Wednesday night after a full day of demanding work.

I was on a getaway last week and am heading to Florida next week with swimming, drinks and roller coasters.

I am fine and nowhere near ready for death.

Good that you are enjoying yourself, but nothing is guaranteed - accidents, unexpected cardiac events etc can happen without notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check out DR. Ezekiel Emmanuel (Rahm’s brother). He recently did a follow up on a NYT article he did several years ago. I think he’s spot on. He doesn’t want chemo, major surgery after age 70.

Here is a write-up about it.

https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2023/01/13/ezekiel-emanuel

[Anonymous]

I have a very strong family history of aortic aneurysm and I'm not getting tested. My life has been rough - incest, rape, anxiety, divorce. My aunt died before she hit the floor. That sounds ideal to me. I already have a will and told everyone who matters to me. If I am diagnosed with a treatable disease in the meantime i won't treat it - i'll retire and spend what time remains just chilling.

[Anonymous]

My dad always said he didn’t want to be infirm and sick. We watched. My mom die of cancer young (50s) via a long drawn out process and he wanted no part of that. Mid 70s with a cancer diagnosis and chronic pain and he started researching assisted suicide. Thing is, when the end started really approaching, it became clear he really did not want to die and let go of this life. It’s easy to say in abstract, but when rubber hit the road, he’s clinging to every bit of life he has left. He’s in hospice now in his early 80s and doesn’t want to let go. It’s heartbreaking. I totally understand both desires - not wanting to live a life a pain and hardship but also not wanting to let go of the experience of being alive, especially when it’s unclear what comes next (he once was very religious but is no longer).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely agree. Aging terrifies me. Dying at 65 sounds great to me.

I gotta tell you that you will most likely change your mind when you are in your 60s, once there it doesn't seem old at all. Unless you have serious health problems, I guess.

I am 61 and can't imagine being dead in four years. I guess it helps that I am healthy, have great friends, and do work I enjoy.

Me too!

I just went out to a bar with friends Wednesday night after a full day of demanding work.

I was on a getaway last week and am heading to Florida next week with swimming, drinks and roller coasters.

I am fine and nowhere near ready for death.

Good that you are enjoying yourself, but nothing is guaranteed - accidents, unexpected cardiac events etc can happen without notice.

Um, do you think the PP isn't aware of that?

[Anonymous]

I'm on the assisted suicide side of things right now. I have no desire to be incapacitated and have no quality of life. I already hate being sick and stuck in bed. I'm curious to see if my opinion changes as I grow older. 54 now, and have thought this way pretty much since I thought about this issue - probably starting when I saw my grandparents grow old, fall ill, and die in various ways.

[Anonymous]

For those that want to live long, are you anticipating and hoping your kids give up their vibrant lives to care for you? It takes a toll on your kids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those that want to live long, are you anticipating and hoping your kids give up their vibrant lives to care for you? It takes a toll on your kids too.

I don't want to live much past late 70s but my adult kids' vibrant lives actually include me so I'm not sure what you mean.

[Anonymous]

OP here. For the people who are saying they have loved ones who lived enjoyable lives into their 80s and 90s, are you really telling me they didn’t endure chronic physical ailments? That just doesn’t track with what I’ve seen.

The reality is that you don’t get to choose. Killing yourself is a lot harder than one might think. You don’t want to mess it up and leave yourself worse. I can sort of see that desire to keep going. When I was as at my worst I’d often fantasize about how I could do it if I just couldn’t take anymore; and it weirdly calmed me down. I felt like it was a way out of my body. But I didn’t really want to die. I just didn’t want to suffer anymore. My mom just continues to suffer every day and no doctor ever really helps. It’s very frightening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely agree. Aging terrifies me. Dying at 65 sounds great to me.

I gotta tell you that you will most likely change your mind when you are in your 60s, once there it doesn't seem old at all. Unless you have serious health problems, I guess.

I am 61 and can't imagine being dead in four years. I guess it helps that I am healthy, have great friends, and do work I enjoy.

Me too!

I just went out to a bar with friends Wednesday night after a full day of demanding work.

I was on a getaway last week and am heading to Florida next week with swimming, drinks and roller coasters.

I am fine and nowhere near ready for death.

Good that you are enjoying yourself, but nothing is guaranteed - accidents, unexpected cardiac events etc can happen without notice.

Way to knock a vibrant 61 years young down. Live long, happy, and healthy everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For the people who are saying they have loved ones who lived enjoyable lives into their 80s and 90s, are you really telling me they didn’t endure chronic physical ailments? That just doesn’t track with what I’ve seen.

The reality is that you don’t get to choose. Killing yourself is a lot harder than one might think. You don’t want to mess it up and leave yourself worse. I can sort of see that desire to keep going. When I was as at my worst I’d often fantasize about how I could do it if I just couldn’t take anymore; and it weirdly calmed me down. I felt like it was a way out of my body. But I didn’t really want to die. I just didn’t want to suffer anymore. My mom just continues to suffer every day and no doctor ever really helps. It’s very frightening.

Well, there's my mother, who died suddenly (cardiac arrest) at age 87. She had a few health problems, but nothing serious. She had her own apartment, drove herself wherever she wanted to go, did her own shopping and cooking, and was physically active -- hiked to and from the shopping mall (a half-mile trip each way) at least once a week, and even in very cold Michigan weather. I begged her to come live with me and my family numerous times, but she {understandably) wanted to keep her independence. Everyone in her extended family loved her, and I still miss her, though 26 years have passed since her death.

I would love to live as long and as well as she. So far, so good. I will shortly turn 78 and am in good health (as is my husband), but who knows? When I was younger, I used to waste my time thinking about what death would be like, and whether I should stick it out to the end, or off myself before I started to deteriorate. But I don't do that anymore. I now realize it for what it is -- a fool's game. You just can't know these things, and brooding about them is a waste of time. Live your best life as long as you can.

[Anonymous]

My great grandmother lived to 112 yrs and started to decline at 110.5 yrs. Grand parents started noticeable decline at 94 and 97. Everyone is different regardless of age. Great grandmother was apparently an outlier but lived a healthy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For the people who are saying they have loved ones who lived enjoyable lives into their 80s and 90s, are you really telling me they didn’t endure chronic physical ailments? That just doesn’t track with what I’ve seen.

The reality is that you don’t get to choose. Killing yourself is a lot harder than one might think. You don’t want to mess it up and leave yourself worse. I can sort of see that desire to keep going. When I was as at my worst I’d often fantasize about how I could do it if I just couldn’t take anymore; and it weirdly calmed me down. I felt like it was a way out of my body. But I didn’t really want to die. I just didn’t want to suffer anymore. My mom just continues to suffer every day and no doctor ever really helps. It’s very frightening.

Well, there's my mother, who died suddenly (cardiac arrest) at age 87. She had a few health problems, but nothing serious. She had her own apartment, drove herself wherever she wanted to go, did her own shopping and cooking, and was physically active -- hiked to and from the shopping mall (a half-mile trip each way) at least once a week, and even in very cold Michigan weather. I begged her to come live with me and my family numerous times, but she {understandably) wanted to keep her independence. Everyone in her extended family loved her, and I still miss her, though 26 years have passed since her death.

I would love to live as long and as well as she. So far, so good. I will shortly turn 78 and am in good health (as is my husband), but who knows? When I was younger, I used to waste my time thinking about what death would be like, and whether I should stick it out to the end, or off myself before I started to deteriorate. But I don't do that anymore. I now realize it for what it is -- a fool's game. You just can't know these things, and brooding about them is a waste of time. Live your best life as long as you can.

perfectly said.