Does anyone else not want to live to be very old?

[Anonymous]

My mom lived to be 86 and mostly healthy and very active. Once I am no longer healthy, I’ll be ready to go.

[Anonymous]

This post is so depressing…

[Anonymous]

Having cared for both of my parents well into their 90s I can say with no reservations that I never want to live that long! They were relatively healthy and active till the last few years of their lives- but it was a good 10 years of falls and day-to-day scares of them living in their home and driving that I'd like to spare my own kids (my mom eventually went into independent living facility which was a lovely environment, but she just wanted to be with my dad at that point - the last few years of her life were so depressing because she was unhappy even with constant family visits etc. So sad and depressing - def. don't want to live like that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely agree. Aging terrifies me. Dying at 65 sounds great to me.

I gotta tell you that you will most likely change your mind when you are in your 60s, once there it doesn't seem old at all. Unless you have serious health problems, I guess.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe you’re depressed.

My father said similar things when he was around 65, that life was basically over and he was just waiting to die, despite being physically healthy. Then he remarried and moved to a new place and is totally happy and thriving at 80 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think maybe you’re depressed.

My father said similar things when he was around 65, that life was basically over and he was just waiting to die, despite being physically healthy. Then he remarried and moved to a new place and is totally happy and thriving at 80 now.

Not OP, but I think maybe you haven't spent over a decade dealing with declining parents as they become hostile, anxious, combative and demeaning all while having so many emergencies your head is spinning. I will not do this to my own children. We all admit child abuse is bad right, yet people have such mixed feelings about an elderly parent (who may or may not yet fit dementia dx) exploding at his/her adult child and making their life a living hell. Some elderly eat their own young. I want my adult children to enjoy their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think maybe you’re depressed.

My father said similar things when he was around 65, that life was basically over and he was just waiting to die, despite being physically healthy. Then he remarried and moved to a new place and is totally happy and thriving at 80 now.

Not OP, but I think maybe you haven't spent over a decade dealing with declining parents as they become hostile, anxious, combative and demeaning all while having so many emergencies your head is spinning. I will not do this to my own children. We all admit child abuse is bad right, yet people have such mixed feelings about an elderly parent (who may or may not yet fit dementia dx) exploding at his/her adult child and making their life a living hell. Some elderly eat their own young. I want my adult children to enjoy their lives.

To be fair, that stage you are talking about typically starts much later than 65. Few people are in major cognitive decline at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely agree. Aging terrifies me. Dying at 65 sounds great to me.

I gotta tell you that you will most likely change your mind when you are in your 60s, once there it doesn't seem old at all. Unless you have serious health problems, I guess.

I am 61 and can't imagine being dead in four years. I guess it helps that I am healthy, have great friends, and do work I enjoy.

[Anonymous]

My mother is 80 and we are talking about her financial situation. Her parents lived well into their 90s eating red meat, drinking daily and smoking for decades. She does none of that AND has their genes, so she could easily live another 20 years.

Every time I talk about making her money last till she's 100, she says, "Oh I don't want to live that long."

So, Mom. What's the plan? Load your pockets with rocks and walk into the sea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an RN and I've seen a lot of people whose quality of life is very limited/minimal. I really do not want to be alive if I can't independently take care of myself (whatever that age may be). I hope that assisted suicide is something that becomes more of a feasible option here in the U.S. If not, I hope that if I were to be diagnosed with Alzheimer's or some other debilitating or terminal illness I'm able to travel to Switzerland (or another country where it's legal) to do it. I know it's quite an extensive process. I recently read a memoir title (In Love by Amy Bloom) about the writer's husband's dementia diagnosis and subsequent assisted suicide-it's a difficult and time consuming endeavor.

Switzerland is my plan if I develop dementia and some other debilitating condition. I do not want to live when I can’t function independently and do not want to be a burden on my kids. I have an uncle who committed suicide after early signs of dementia. Yes, it was sad, but I also admire that he ended his life on his terms. Robin Williams committed suicide after his Lewis Body dementia diagnosis. My mom has a friend who recently died after years-long battle with Lewis Body. She had no quality of life and it was awful for her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely agree. Aging terrifies me. Dying at 65 sounds great to me.

I gotta tell you that you will most likely change your mind when you are in your 60s, once there it doesn't seem old at all. Unless you have serious health problems, I guess.

I am 61 and can't imagine being dead in four years. I guess it helps that I am healthy, have great friends, and do work I enjoy.

Me too!

I just went out to a bar with friends Wednesday night after a full day of demanding work.

I was on a getaway last week and am heading to Florida next week with swimming, drinks and roller coasters.

I am fine and nowhere near ready for death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had TMJ since my teens. While the likelihood of health problems may increase as you age, there aren’t certainties. A lot of general health is related to lifestyle. I’ve also had the heartburn problems since my mid 40s (I think partly due to a hernia and partly due to bad gut health. Eating probiotics helped a lot.)

Of my four grandparents (all of whom I think lived into their 80s), the two who never gave up smoking cigarettes (heavily), had severe health problems and a lot of pain. The grandfather who had smoked mostly cigars and given them up decades earlier (50s/early 60s?), had a heart attack when he was planting trees in his yard.

My parents are in their 70s. My mom had a terrible stroke in 2021 and it was basically a miracle she survived. While she had a terrible year, through the grace of God, the support of my father, and incredible hard work (she’s a formidable woman), she’s pretty much made a full recovery (just a slight tremor in one hand when she gets tired). She travels, drives herself around town, plays the piano, visits friends, crafts, walks over a mile a day, and does what she wants to do. I’m pretty sure she’s in better shape than I am at 51.

My father is slowing down some, but still leads a full life. He can no longer lift heavy things, and probably has to hire people for home/yard maintenance and repair he would have done previously. I don’t think he misses mowing the yard, and considering his handyman skills, the house is probably better off in tge hands of a professional. Meanwhile, last November, he drove my mom 900 miles for a holiday in Vegas and then 900 miles back home.

My ex-father-in-law is in his 80s. I think he’s slowing down a little now, but until recently, he was cycling (a lot) daily and would travel around the world scuba diving.

My ex-mother-in-law, unfortunately passed away several years ago in her 70s. She had been leading an active lifestyle, including playing tennis, being an avid gardener, and visiting us from Georgia every year.

I think you can have a high quality of life in your 80s. While there are, of course, a myriad of interacting variables, I think if you avoid smoking, minimize alcohol consumption, and have daily exercise (this is where I fall short) to maintain bone density, muscle tone, and cardiovascular health, your chances of having “golden” years rise significantly.

There is a lot of wishful thinking in this. I think longevity researchers would tell you that the reality is that your genes matter much more than lifestyle for many things like cardiovascular health and cancer, the two major killers. There is a huge overestimation of the ability of for example diet to play a role in reducing your chances of cancer. It's highly genetic. People attribute long life to healthy lifestyles and it certainly plays a role, but much smaller than people think. If you look at longevity research, this is borne out. The people in good health at 100 have genes for good cardiovascular health and they don't have cancer genes. You can reduce risk by exercising and not smoking, but much less than you think.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. There is something to be said for dying quickly and unexpectedly, one minute you are fine, the next minute you are gone.

I have watched a lot of family members suffer a prolonged period of suffering before death. Doctors selling drugs and treatment to prolong their lives. Strangely some of them hung on out of shear will to live - even while suffering and so I wonder about that will to live. Some people have more of it than others.

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of people who are enjoying life and healthy at 65. I think the stuff may really hit the fan around 80, so that may be a better goal.

[Anonymous]

My Dad died far too young, at 50. My Mom at 72–both cancers related to smoking. However my Moms parents lived to be 93 and 99–both declined in last year but totally fine and with it until the decline. So if I’m lucky (non smoker) I hope to be 84.
(Age 56 now)