Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna

[Anonymous]

Why did you move to Vienna, exactly? So many other places nearby to excercise your social justice and improve schools through volunteering and being laid back.

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of kids in Vienna who are not in AAP or travel sports. There are lots of normal non-striver families, although if you live in a McMansion, belong to Westwood and only shop at WF, you may be missing them. Try getting out of that zone. Shop at Giant or Safeway, have your kid join a rec sport, Mt. Kim, or go to a community center class or look around for a small church, or go to Oakton Comm Ctr. or a park. Vienna has a range of people living there. You might actually find that the people can be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

You should go to Takoma Park, MD, or DC. Vienna is a good housing market and you should be able to easily sell your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

+1 That's fine but you can't then complain that you are not fitting in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound obnoxious and full of yourself. A very "not like the other girls" vibe. Gross.

At least we know why she's a single parent.

Yikes. The Vienna moms are living up to their “mean girls” reputation and then some.

OP here. This is what I'm referring to. I could totally imagine someone in my neighborhood saying this to me -- the intolerance for anyone who doesn't fit the "Vienna mold" is intense.

[Anonymous]

I mean, yeah people like to keep their political opinions to themselves. I’m liberal but geez nobody wants to hear about woke social justice crap 24/7. It gets tiring after a while. People move to the suburbs for space and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound obnoxious and full of yourself. A very "not like the other girls" vibe. Gross.

At least we know why she's a single parent.

Yikes. The Vienna moms are living up to their “mean girls” reputation and then some.

OP here. This is what I'm referring to. I could totally imagine someone in my neighborhood saying this to me -- the intolerance for anyone who doesn't fit the "Vienna mold" is intense.

Imagine is the key. You're imagining a lot... assuming you aren't just a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound obnoxious and full of yourself. A very "not like the other girls" vibe. Gross.

At least we know why she's a single parent.

Yikes. The Vienna moms are living up to their “mean girls” reputation and then some.

OP here. This is what I'm referring to. I could totally imagine someone in my neighborhood saying this to me -- the intolerance for anyone who doesn't fit the "Vienna mold" is intense.

I hear you, OP, but you need to give it some time and really work to find your crew. I would probably describe myself similarly, and had a similar experience my first few years, as well. We are here on the Southside, and I just love the people I know. I think most of the town is also socially motivated, but many are also of the "don't talk politics ever" crowd. But they still share your same values.

Also, don't be too quick to judge. A lot of the friends you are looking for may be hiding there in plain sight...people are not always what they appear to be in this town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound obnoxious and full of yourself. A very "not like the other girls" vibe. Gross.

At least we know why she's a single parent.

Yikes. The Vienna moms are living up to their “mean girls” reputation and then some.

OP here. This is what I'm referring to. I could totally imagine someone in my neighborhood saying this to me -- the intolerance for anyone who doesn't fit the "Vienna mold" is intense.

OP, we have family in Vienna. I 100% concur with what you're saying. It is a "mean girl" vibe and when I'm with them, I feel like I never left high school. It's strange, and not at all what I wanted for our family.
This is a Vienna thing

[Anonymous]

OP, too bad you can't move to, say, Silver Spring Maryland. The problem for NoVa and everyone conforming is the heavy concentration of military folks. They have been trained to conform.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, too bad you can't move to, say, Silver Spring Maryland. The problem for NoVa and everyone conforming is the heavy concentration of military folks. They have been trained to conform.

Vienna does not have a high military presence. Not in the slightest.
It's more of a sorority vibe, or a wealthy country club feeling.

[Anonymous]

The thumbing your nose at folks with conservative political views explains why no one wants to talk politics. I promise your life will be much richer if you find friends across the political spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, too bad you can't move to, say, Silver Spring Maryland. The problem for NoVa and everyone conforming is the heavy concentration of military folks. They have been trained to conform.

What? You're making a lot of assumptions about military folks and pretty clueless about Nova demographics.

[Anonymous]

I also moved from dc Columbia heights to Vienna 5 years ago. I loved my DC community but crime and schools drove me out. But my Vienna experience is not at all like this thread. There are lots of people here who are more laid back. I wonder if it’s your particular neighborhood or subdivision? I’m being serious, a lot of this thread is stereotype and so I wonder if it’s your specific area? We live on the vienna side that is closer to Oakton and it’s been really great. I also am very liberal and curse like a sailor btw lol.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to upper Fairfax County OP!!! This is what it is unfortunately.