What limits do you have around “I have to have this or I won’t fit in” “I’ll get made fun of”?

[Anonymous]

The “I’ll get made fun of” reasoning concerns me. My kids ask for sneakers that they think are cool, but they’ve never used “I won’t fit in” or “I’ll be made fun of” as an argument. My older one (14) buys and sells sneakers and buys his own off what he makes. My younger one (10) doesn’t want to buy anything that isn’t on sale and cleans his brother’s hand me downs with a toothbrush and wears them. He recently won a woman’s coat in a raffle, and he wears it to school every day. I would understand them telling me they will get teased FOR wearing something specific, but getting teased for not having something seems off. Usually there’s a cheaper substitute that is maybe not the coolest, but doesn’t get you teased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we moved out of the DMV. The importance placed on superficiality rather than substance didn't align with our ethics. We moved to a major city, and while yes some kids have dunks, kids also praise other kids for their creativity in fashion choices, and nobody teases anyone for anything that could be related to being poor. Our kids can buy fancy things with babysitting (or other job) money - one got a Kate Spade purse she'd wanted for almost a year.

One of the reasons? I really hope it was reason number 982634512490, because otherwise you're painting an entire region with a very broad, and ignorant brush... We live in a wealthy district in the DC area and no kids I know are how you and OP describe. We've lived here 23 years.

Lol, yes, there were a lot of other reasons. But Dh and I both noticed how much people, both kids and adults, are into status symbols in every way - clothes, shoes, cars, bags, etc.

I’ve lived here over 25 years and have yet to observe this. I’ve had out of town friends comment on the fact that there aren’t visible brands and logos.

You can’t be serious. People are SO into conspicuous consumption here.

Really? I think the flashiness:income ratio is pretty low in this region, on average. There's a lot of money flowing around here, but it's far less conspicuous than many other large metro areas that I've been to.

[Anonymous]

So far, my 13 yo couldn’t care less about brands. My kids attend schools with a fair bit of SES diversity, & I don’t think brands are a big thing. That said, I’d probably buy a couple of nice things if my kid cared, but that’s it. When one of my siblings went through a phase of wanting expensive name brand shoes & clothes, that’s what he got for Christmas & birthday that year. He soon decided it was boring to get that stuff as gifts & didn’t seem to care as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we moved out of the DMV. The importance placed on superficiality rather than substance didn't align with our ethics. We moved to a major city, and while yes some kids have dunks, kids also praise other kids for their creativity in fashion choices, and nobody teases anyone for anything that could be related to being poor. Our kids can buy fancy things with babysitting (or other job) money - one got a Kate Spade purse she'd wanted for almost a year.

One of the reasons? I really hope it was reason number 982634512490, because otherwise you're painting an entire region with a very broad, and ignorant brush... We live in a wealthy district in the DC area and no kids I know are how you and OP describe. We've lived here 23 years.

Lol, yes, there were a lot of other reasons. But Dh and I both noticed how much people, both kids and adults, are into status symbols in every way - clothes, shoes, cars, bags, etc.

I’ve lived here over 25 years and have yet to observe this. I’ve had out of town friends comment on the fact that there aren’t visible brands and logos.

You can’t be serious. People are SO into conspicuous consumption here.

Really? I think the flashiness:income ratio is pretty low in this region, on average. There's a lot of money flowing around here, but it's far less conspicuous than many other large metro areas that I've been to.

+1 Compared to cities like Dallas, Atlanta, and LA, DC is not flashy at all.

[Anonymous]

Parents at my kids' schools are feds and non-profit workers. I don't see much in the way of brand-consciousness around here.

If kids were getting teased for the price of the clothes they wear, I'd be reaching out to the school to ask about how they are planning to address it. That's not okay.

[Anonymous]

We like well made clothes that suit us and are comfortable. So my kids wear a lot of clothes from Kohls, Macy's, Costco, Old Navy, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Land's End, Target, GAP, Loft, Amazon etc. If our kids want something expensive (Northface jackets, Uggs boots, some name brand sneakers) we will buy it for them, but most of the times my kids are just not interested. They go to public school in MoCo UpCounty. No one in their school is wearing very expensive clothes or shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably an outlier here, but I am pro-active in making sure my kid has whatever is needed in terms of not getting made fun of and looking cool and so on. This is because I was bullied mercilessly as a child, to the point where I actually have PTSD because of it. I will literally do anything and everything to eliminate any possible reason for my kid to get teased or bullied or excluded or whatever.

Naturally, my kid could not care less what he wears, and would go to school in a paper bag if I let him.

The problem is that it’s ineffective. If he wears the “right” clothes, they will tease him about his name, his appearance, the look on his face, etc. Bullies target weakness, not just kids in cheap shoes.

So true. There could be many reasons for my kid to be picked on but he is a very laid back and self assured kid, so he breezes through life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7th grader has big emotions on having clothing items that others will not make fun of.

I went to uniform school where it was on a lesser level, moreso when athletic shoe days were allowed but DH says it was a huge thing for him growing up also that he had to wear certain brands because there were people who would tease you and make your days miserable.

As a parent I have always been more of a bargain shopper because kids grow fast and at that time no one had opinions on the brand or style they wore.

Now we are talking about wanting or needing Marc Jacobs bags, Jordan’s, Uggs, Dunks, Docs, Converse - all of which are not inexpensive for a growing almost teenager.

I’ve heard of other adults outside of my husband talking about their childhood traumas over not fitting in because they wore non-name brand clothing so I understand it can cause long lasting trauma.

For Christmas she did receive Ugg slide and a pair of Dunks. But it seems she may be behind what others have/own or wear.

What do you find has worked in your home or what is reasonable in this day and age? How many of these types of designer items does your child own or should I look into adding to what she recently received? Am I behind the curve?

Lol! My kids and their classmates do not play these reindeer games. We have no issues around "I have to have this or I won't fit in" or "I'll get made fun of" because their peer group is very academically focused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7th grader has big emotions on having clothing items that others will not make fun of.

I went to uniform school where it was on a lesser level, moreso when athletic shoe days were allowed but DH says it was a huge thing for him growing up also that he had to wear certain brands because there were people who would tease you and make your days miserable.

As a parent I have always been more of a bargain shopper because kids grow fast and at that time no one had opinions on the brand or style they wore.

Now we are talking about wanting or needing Marc Jacobs bags, Jordan’s, Uggs, Dunks, Docs, Converse - all of which are not inexpensive for a growing almost teenager.

I’ve heard of other adults outside of my husband talking about their childhood traumas over not fitting in because they wore non-name brand clothing so I understand it can cause long lasting trauma.

For Christmas she did receive Ugg slide and a pair of Dunks. But it seems she may be behind what others have/own or wear.

What do you find has worked in your home or what is reasonable in this day and age? How many of these types of designer items does your child own or should I look into adding to what she recently received? Am I behind the curve?

I think if you send her to a school like this then you have to be prepared for the social dimension and understand that that is part of what you signed up for. The cost of fitting inis part of the cost of private school.