Middle age DH career boost

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

*hard eye roll* no-most people outside of DCUM land cannot drop their income by 1/3 and be fine without making lifestyle changes. So typical that this thread would turn into bashing OP for spending too much instead of providing helpful career advice as requested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

So they live in Burke and commute 1 hr+?

We bought a $1.2M house inside the beltway; anything cheaper was literally falling apart and this is a small colonial updates in the 90s.

If we drop to $250k, half our take home would go to the mortgage — that is not sustainable.

I really want to know the numbers where working parents earning $300k live with small mortgages?

I’m fine moving but it’s what we’ll need to do to drop that much.

You’re living beyond your means.

So anyone making $300k has a house that cost less than $900k? So you all live outside the beltway or in townhouses? PP lives in an exurb, which means we would lose 12 hours a week each just commuting.

I can’t believe people making $300+ choose such soul sucking commutes? Sure TODAY for some telework is an option (but is not for our jobs). And when we bought telework was not a thing.

If you move out and buy cheaper house than you both don’t have the 12 hour commutes. That’s the whole point. I fully telework and only part time because we bought a less than 500 K house in Anne arundel and it’s mostly paid off. It’s not a mcmansion but schools are very good, cheaper house in a nice neighborhood. Dh goes in once a week. We make 300k. Frankly his commute is his favorite part of his week lol.

But lets say your wife decides to lean out - she could find a primarily telework job for 30 hours a week. Let’s assume she can make 100k doing this. And then you still commute but negotiate something like one telework day a week. You buy a 600k house in a good school district. This would be very manageable for you guys financially. invest the house swap savings for college.

Just get out of that moco rat race. Very few moco kids make it to Ivy League, if that’s what she’s thinking. Also start applying for fed jobs so you can get telework and flexible schedule options.

DW would need to retrain for a new career — her current work doesn’t support telework at all. So we are looking at multi year training and entry level in 40s, so even $100k telework might be long shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

*hard eye roll* no-most people outside of DCUM land cannot drop their income by 1/3 and be fine without making lifestyle changes. So typical that this thread would turn into bashing OP for spending too much instead of providing helpful career advice as requested.

I think that the thing op is looking for (a way to pivot to a 350k breadwinner job from his nonprofit role) is a long shot, so posters are looking for other ways to help them reduce the DW’s stress level. One way is cutting back expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

So they live in Burke and commute 1 hr+?

We bought a $1.2M house inside the beltway; anything cheaper was literally falling apart and this is a small colonial updates in the 90s.

If we drop to $250k, half our take home would go to the mortgage — that is not sustainable.

I really want to know the numbers where working parents earning $300k live with small mortgages?

I’m fine moving but it’s what we’ll need to do to drop that much.

You’re living beyond your means.

So anyone making $300k has a house that cost less than $900k? So you all live outside the beltway or in townhouses? PP lives in an exurb, which means we would lose 12 hours a week each just commuting.

I can’t believe people making $300+ choose such soul sucking commutes? Sure TODAY for some telework is an option (but is not for our jobs). And when we bought telework was not a thing.

If you move out and buy cheaper house than you both don’t have the 12 hour commutes. That’s the whole point. I fully telework and only part time because we bought a less than 500 K house in Anne arundel and it’s mostly paid off. It’s not a mcmansion but schools are very good, cheaper house in a nice neighborhood. Dh goes in once a week. We make 300k. Frankly his commute is his favorite part of his week lol.

But lets say your wife decides to lean out - she could find a primarily telework job for 30 hours a week. Let’s assume she can make 100k doing this. And then you still commute but negotiate something like one telework day a week. You buy a 600k house in a good school district. This would be very manageable for you guys financially. invest the house swap savings for college.

Just get out of that moco rat race. Very few moco kids make it to Ivy League, if that’s what she’s thinking. Also start applying for fed jobs so you can get telework and flexible schedule options.

DW would need to retrain for a new career — her current work doesn’t support telework at all. So we are looking at multi year training and entry level in 40s, so even $100k telework might be long shot.

What job doesn’t support telework at all? Is she a anesthesia nurse or medical professional that can’t do telehealth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

*hard eye roll* no-most people outside of DCUM land cannot drop their income by 1/3 and be fine without making lifestyle changes. So typical that this thread would turn into bashing OP for spending too much instead of providing helpful career advice as requested.

I think that the thing op is looking for (a way to pivot to a 350k breadwinner job from his nonprofit role) is a long shot, so posters are looking for other ways to help them reduce the DW’s stress level. One way is cutting back expenses.

Except the PPs were saying OP shouldn’t need to cut back expenses and should already be living on <2/3 of his income, basically saying doing otherwise is irresponsible which is just out of touch with reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

*hard eye roll* no-most people outside of DCUM land cannot drop their income by 1/3 and be fine without making lifestyle changes. So typical that this thread would turn into bashing OP for spending too much instead of providing helpful career advice as requested.

I think that the thing op is looking for (a way to pivot to a 350k breadwinner job from his nonprofit role) is a long shot, so posters are looking for other ways to help them reduce the DW’s stress level. One way is cutting back expenses.

Except the PPs were saying OP shouldn’t need to cut back expenses and should already be living on <2/3 of his income, basically saying doing otherwise is irresponsible which is just out of touch with reality.

NP and it's not that anyone should be able to cut their income by 1/3, it's anyone making what OP and his spouse are making that should be able to reduce their income and be fine. It's not like a couple with a normal salary where basic expenses consume most of their income, if OP is truly spending most of his current income there should be a ton of discretionary items that can be cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

*hard eye roll* no-most people outside of DCUM land cannot drop their income by 1/3 and be fine without making lifestyle changes. So typical that this thread would turn into bashing OP for spending too much instead of providing helpful career advice as requested.

I think that the thing op is looking for (a way to pivot to a 350k breadwinner job from his nonprofit role) is a long shot, so posters are looking for other ways to help them reduce the DW’s stress level. One way is cutting back expenses.

Except the PPs were saying OP shouldn’t need to cut back expenses and should already be living on <2/3 of his income, basically saying doing otherwise is irresponsible which is just out of touch with reality.

NP and it's not that anyone should be able to cut their income by 1/3, it's anyone making what OP and his spouse are making that should be able to reduce their income and be fine. It's not like a couple with a normal salary where basic expenses consume most of their income, if OP is truly spending most of his current income there should be a ton of discretionary items that can be cut.

You act like $300k is some ridiculous wealthy salary. It’s all consumed by having a modest house with okay schools and good commute. That’s it. I suspect those with similar salaries but cheaper houses have at least one spouse not commuting or are even single breadwinner households where they can live wherever and the worker commutes as needed. We both commute downtown, and there are no cheap options for that.

[Anonymous]

I think your wife is stressed and is romanticizing staying home. I don’t think it’s fair she should pressure you to make enough to allow her to do that. I’m a woman, BTW. I think an equal partnership requires equal weight on decision-making, so unless you also want to ramp up and her to stay home, you need to make a plan together that works for you both. You may have done that, but your posts don’t sound that way at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife is stressed and is romanticizing staying home. I don’t think it’s fair she should pressure you to make enough to allow her to do that. I’m a woman, BTW. I think an equal partnership requires equal weight on decision-making, so unless you also want to ramp up and her to stay home, you need to make a plan together that works for you both. You may have done that, but your posts don’t sound that way at all.

My wife after birth of first quit. I was making $69k a year. She cried and promised to cut every expense to bone. She never went back. We had three kids. We had a small starter home at time in a second tier neighborhood we bought with a big downpayment and a paid off Camry and Ford Taurus.

She promised I could work as many hours I want, travel business, do what I want to support my career. I had a five year plan to double my salary to make it work.

I went from 69k to 140k in five years. Barely made that goal. But next five years went from 140k to 280k then next five years 280k to 330k then it peaked.

Women underestimated working holds their husbands career back. I do wish my wife kept working. And I do think this is not a man thing. My sister her husband stayed home 10 years.

But I was guy in office early, staying late, traveling for work, meeting with regulators, external auditors, board. Available moments notice.

You also not need to be silly and “mission driven” work where they pay and do the job no one wants and jobs with pressure and long hours. That is what I did. Otherwise you can’t shine. My big promotion that set me up I was at work in a super super demanding high profile project I was gone 7 am to 8-9 pm for 52 weeks straight without a vacation day and had a 3 and 1 year old at home. That project set me up my big promotion which put chain of moving up on full throttle.

This guy should get the rock on his back. My wife has the kids I have my career my other dual income sister and husband has nothing in one sense she did not really raise her three kids her Mexican nanny and childcare did and neither could focus on career. In end they are now 65 and she is not close to kids and he had a horrible lame career of nothing. He even told me sad his lifelong resume does not have one single big job ot big raise just 44 years of crappy jobs.

Let this guy fly. He could easily be making 300k in 5-7 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife is stressed and is romanticizing staying home. I don’t think it’s fair she should pressure you to make enough to allow her to do that. I’m a woman, BTW. I think an equal partnership requires equal weight on decision-making, so unless you also want to ramp up and her to stay home, you need to make a plan together that works for you both. You may have done that, but your posts don’t sound that way at all.

My wife after birth of first quit. I was making $69k a year. She cried and promised to cut every expense to bone. She never went back. We had three kids. We had a small starter home at time in a second tier neighborhood we bought with a big downpayment and a paid off Camry and Ford Taurus.

She promised I could work as many hours I want, travel business, do what I want to support my career. I had a five year plan to double my salary to make it work.

I went from 69k to 140k in five years. Barely made that goal. But next five years went from 140k to 280k then next five years 280k to 330k then it peaked.

Women underestimated working holds their husbands career back. I do wish my wife kept working. And I do think this is not a man thing. My sister her husband stayed home 10 years.

But I was guy in office early, staying late, traveling for work, meeting with regulators, external auditors, board. Available moments notice.

You also not need to be silly and “mission driven” work where they pay and do the job no one wants and jobs with pressure and long hours. That is what I did. Otherwise you can’t shine. My big promotion that set me up I was at work in a super super demanding high profile project I was gone 7 am to 8-9 pm for 52 weeks straight without a vacation day and had a 3 and 1 year old at home. That project set me up my big promotion which put chain of moving up on full throttle.

This guy should get the rock on his back. My wife has the kids I have my career my other dual income sister and husband has nothing in one sense she did not really raise her three kids her Mexican nanny and childcare did and neither could focus on career. In end they are now 65 and she is not close to kids and he had a horrible lame career of nothing. He even told me sad his lifelong resume does not have one single big job ot big raise just 44 years of crappy jobs.

Let this guy fly. He could easily be making 300k in 5-7 years

You again????

This guy can’t fly no matter what his wife does. You don’t jump from the type of project management he does in a nonprofit to 350k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife is stressed and is romanticizing staying home. I don’t think it’s fair she should pressure you to make enough to allow her to do that. I’m a woman, BTW. I think an equal partnership requires equal weight on decision-making, so unless you also want to ramp up and her to stay home, you need to make a plan together that works for you both. You may have done that, but your posts don’t sound that way at all.

My wife after birth of first quit. I was making $69k a year. She cried and promised to cut every expense to bone. She never went back. We had three kids. We had a small starter home at time in a second tier neighborhood we bought with a big downpayment and a paid off Camry and Ford Taurus.

She promised I could work as many hours I want, travel business, do what I want to support my career. I had a five year plan to double my salary to make it work.

I went from 69k to 140k in five years. Barely made that goal. But next five years went from 140k to 280k then next five years 280k to 330k then it peaked.

Women underestimated working holds their husbands career back. I do wish my wife kept working. And I do think this is not a man thing. My sister her husband stayed home 10 years.

But I was guy in office early, staying late, traveling for work, meeting with regulators, external auditors, board. Available moments notice.

You also not need to be silly and “mission driven” work where they pay and do the job no one wants and jobs with pressure and long hours. That is what I did. Otherwise you can’t shine. My big promotion that set me up I was at work in a super super demanding high profile project I was gone 7 am to 8-9 pm for 52 weeks straight without a vacation day and had a 3 and 1 year old at home. That project set me up my big promotion which put chain of moving up on full throttle.

This guy should get the rock on his back. My wife has the kids I have my career my other dual income sister and husband has nothing in one sense she did not really raise her three kids her Mexican nanny and childcare did and neither could focus on career. In end they are now 65 and she is not close to kids and he had a horrible lame career of nothing. He even told me sad his lifelong resume does not have one single big job ot big raise just 44 years of crappy jobs.

Let this guy fly. He could easily be making 300k in 5-7 years

You again????

This guy can’t fly no matter what his wife does. You don’t jump from the type of project management he does in a nonprofit to 350k.

I was non profit at 34 in a low level operations job and was there 6 years. I completely fabricated my resume and got a job at a name brand company, then did it again six months later before ax fell as really no skills. Then did it again six months later once again before ax fell. On to job I bend 8 years with several promotions.

My resume is what I write. I have a few versions. I pretty much pull job listings of jobs I want and pull pieces of threads to create it.

My resume to get killer IT job. My Finance put it into Word and as I owned no computer or knew how to use email!! Heck I did not even use internet!! I think I was last man on earth to buy a computer or cell phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife is stressed and is romanticizing staying home. I don’t think it’s fair she should pressure you to make enough to allow her to do that. I’m a woman, BTW. I think an equal partnership requires equal weight on decision-making, so unless you also want to ramp up and her to stay home, you need to make a plan together that works for you both. You may have done that, but your posts don’t sound that way at all.

My wife after birth of first quit. I was making $69k a year. She cried and promised to cut every expense to bone. She never went back. We had three kids. We had a small starter home at time in a second tier neighborhood we bought with a big downpayment and a paid off Camry and Ford Taurus.

She promised I could work as many hours I want, travel business, do what I want to support my career. I had a five year plan to double my salary to make it work.

I went from 69k to 140k in five years. Barely made that goal. But next five years went from 140k to 280k then next five years 280k to 330k then it peaked.

Women underestimated working holds their husbands career back. I do wish my wife kept working. And I do think this is not a man thing. My sister her husband stayed home 10 years.

But I was guy in office early, staying late, traveling for work, meeting with regulators, external auditors, board. Available moments notice.

You also not need to be silly and “mission driven” work where they pay and do the job no one wants and jobs with pressure and long hours. That is what I did. Otherwise you can’t shine. My big promotion that set me up I was at work in a super super demanding high profile project I was gone 7 am to 8-9 pm for 52 weeks straight without a vacation day and had a 3 and 1 year old at home. That project set me up my big promotion which put chain of moving up on full throttle.

This guy should get the rock on his back. My wife has the kids I have my career my other dual income sister and husband has nothing in one sense she did not really raise her three kids her Mexican nanny and childcare did and neither could focus on career. In end they are now 65 and she is not close to kids and he had a horrible lame career of nothing. He even told me sad his lifelong resume does not have one single big job ot big raise just 44 years of crappy jobs.

Let this guy fly. He could easily be making 300k in 5-7 years

You again????

This guy can’t fly no matter what his wife does. You don’t jump from the type of project management he does in a nonprofit to 350k.

I was non profit at 34 in a low level operations job and was there 6 years. I completely fabricated my resume and got a job at a name brand company, then did it again six months later before ax fell as really no skills. Then did it again six months later once again before ax fell. On to job I bend 8 years with several promotions.

My resume is what I write. I have a few versions. I pretty much pull job listings of jobs I want and pull pieces of threads to create it.

My resume to get killer IT job. My Finance put it into Word and as I owned no computer or knew how to use email!! Heck I did not even use internet!! I think I was last man on earth to buy a computer or cell phone.

Sure, sweetie. Keep trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife is stressed and is romanticizing staying home. I don’t think it’s fair she should pressure you to make enough to allow her to do that. I’m a woman, BTW. I think an equal partnership requires equal weight on decision-making, so unless you also want to ramp up and her to stay home, you need to make a plan together that works for you both. You may have done that, but your posts don’t sound that way at all.

My wife after birth of first quit. I was making $69k a year. She cried and promised to cut every expense to bone. She never went back. We had three kids. We had a small starter home at time in a second tier neighborhood we bought with a big downpayment and a paid off Camry and Ford Taurus.

She promised I could work as many hours I want, travel business, do what I want to support my career. I had a five year plan to double my salary to make it work.

I went from 69k to 140k in five years. Barely made that goal. But next five years went from 140k to 280k then next five years 280k to 330k then it peaked.

Women underestimated working holds their husbands career back. I do wish my wife kept working. And I do think this is not a man thing. My sister her husband stayed home 10 years.

But I was guy in office early, staying late, traveling for work, meeting with regulators, external auditors, board. Available moments notice.

You also not need to be silly and “mission driven” work where they pay and do the job no one wants and jobs with pressure and long hours. That is what I did. Otherwise you can’t shine. My big promotion that set me up I was at work in a super super demanding high profile project I was gone 7 am to 8-9 pm for 52 weeks straight without a vacation day and had a 3 and 1 year old at home. That project set me up my big promotion which put chain of moving up on full throttle.

This guy should get the rock on his back. My wife has the kids I have my career my other dual income sister and husband has nothing in one sense she did not really raise her three kids her Mexican nanny and childcare did and neither could focus on career. In end they are now 65 and she is not close to kids and he had a horrible lame career of nothing. He even told me sad his lifelong resume does not have one single big job ot big raise just 44 years of crappy jobs.

Let this guy fly. He could easily be making 300k in 5-7 years

Your are a total and complete douche bag. I'm pretty sure if your family knew what you said about them in your penultimate paragraph, they'd cut you out of your family for life.

Congrats on your less than impressive IT career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife is stressed and is romanticizing staying home. I don’t think it’s fair she should pressure you to make enough to allow her to do that. I’m a woman, BTW. I think an equal partnership requires equal weight on decision-making, so unless you also want to ramp up and her to stay home, you need to make a plan together that works for you both. You may have done that, but your posts don’t sound that way at all.

My wife after birth of first quit. I was making $69k a year. She cried and promised to cut every expense to bone. She never went back. We had three kids. We had a small starter home at time in a second tier neighborhood we bought with a big downpayment and a paid off Camry and Ford Taurus.

She promised I could work as many hours I want, travel business, do what I want to support my career. I had a five year plan to double my salary to make it work.

I went from 69k to 140k in five years. Barely made that goal. But next five years went from 140k to 280k then next five years 280k to 330k then it peaked.

Women underestimated working holds their husbands career back. I do wish my wife kept working. And I do think this is not a man thing. My sister her husband stayed home 10 years.

But I was guy in office early, staying late, traveling for work, meeting with regulators, external auditors, board. Available moments notice.

You also not need to be silly and “mission driven” work where they pay and do the job no one wants and jobs with pressure and long hours. That is what I did. Otherwise you can’t shine. My big promotion that set me up I was at work in a super super demanding high profile project I was gone 7 am to 8-9 pm for 52 weeks straight without a vacation day and had a 3 and 1 year old at home. That project set me up my big promotion which put chain of moving up on full throttle.

This guy should get the rock on his back. My wife has the kids I have my career my other dual income sister and husband has nothing in one sense she did not really raise her three kids her Mexican nanny and childcare did and neither could focus on career. In end they are now 65 and she is not close to kids and he had a horrible lame career of nothing. He even told me sad his lifelong resume does not have one single big job ot big raise just 44 years of crappy jobs.

Let this guy fly. He could easily be making 300k in 5-7 years

Your are a total and complete douche bag. I'm pretty sure if your family knew what you said about them in your penultimate paragraph, they'd cut you out of your family for life.

Congrats on your less than impressive IT career.

I actually was part of building multiple systems. On line fidelity app, whole Fannie and Freddie MBS system, fin tech apps, BNPL, Crypto, mobile banking, surveillance tools. I picked it all up starting at age of 34. I am funny as I am old but really only started IT in a big way at 45. Never too old to learn. I use apps and systems I say 90 percent of people use daily that I touched. Heck I even build part of software they wrote a book about. That was funny

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Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider this entire plan. Why not just have your DW downshift to a less stressful job and see what that looks like? Let's say she gets something making $110K you're still collectively pulling in $250K which should be plenty of money.

This would require selling house, moving and changing school for our 3 kids

And DW does not want this because she is worried about paying for college so dropping income is untenable without severe need (medical, etc).

I don’t understand why this means you have to sell your home. Unless you are living that paycheck to paycheck in which case you have a spending problem.

+1. Unless there's some kind of special needs situation if reducing your HHI to $250K requires you to sell your home you have a spending problem so maybe focus on that first.

We currently make $380k but most goes to mortgage ($6k). We bought close in, small old house but a proper SFH inside beltway with good schools.

Dropping to $250k is dropping gross income by 1/3 — do most people live on 2/3 of their income just to have option to drop the other 1/3??

Yes, most people that make what you make can drop their income by 1/3 and be fine. At your income level you should be saving a ton of money not spending most of it.

So they live in Burke and commute 1 hr+?

We bought a $1.2M house inside the beltway; anything cheaper was literally falling apart and this is a small colonial updates in the 90s.

If we drop to $250k, half our take home would go to the mortgage — that is not sustainable.

I really want to know the numbers where working parents earning $300k live with small mortgages?

I’m fine moving but it’s what we’ll need to do to drop that much.

You’re living beyond your means.

So anyone making $300k has a house that cost less than $900k? So you all live outside the beltway or in townhouses? PP lives in an exurb, which means we would lose 12 hours a week each just commuting.

I can’t believe people making $300+ choose such soul sucking commutes? Sure TODAY for some telework is an option (but is not for our jobs). And when we bought telework was not a thing.

450k here and we have soul sucking commute and live in a dumpster 700k house that’s older than my grandma.
I mean we tried for three years, every single 900-1.2mm house in the whole $&@ Fairfax would have 20 bids…

This seems crazy conservative. With a 450k income, you are probably spending like 10-15% on PITI. Do you have high expenses elsewhere or are you just saving an insane amount? I get that you were losing bidding wars but you easily could have gone up to, say, $1.5 million if your expenses elsewhere are under control.