Non Drinkers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Urban schools like NYU, Northeastern, Boston University

Lots of drinking at BU

I think the point was that non-drinkers at more urban or urban-adjacent schools have plenty of off campus activities to enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is looking for a school with a non-drinking crowd, pick a school near stuff to do. My DS at a college goes out to dinner, sees concerts, attends professional sporting events and otherwises uses the city where his college is located. He also drinks some, but he has friends that don't and he has lots of things to do other than partying.

+1

Too often the only real social option for students at small, cold weather, rural schools revolves around drinking alcohol.

You really are a one-trick pony, aren't you?

Apparently someone has trouble with accepting reality.

You should be aware of the frequently cited Harvard study which found that binge drinking was a serious problem at small, rural, cold weather schools with Greek social life and lots of white students. (A prime example would be Colgate University--even though it is quite large for an LAC.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

I have a non drinker who I really am certain will stay a non drinker and the issue fir him in looking at schools is that even going to those kind of sloppy college parties and holding a solo cup won’t be his thing so he’s really trying to figure out which schools will have other social opportunities. He really likes hiking o one thing we’ve been looking at are schools that have robust outdoors clubs. I was the light drinker in college that was okay with going to the parties, having one beer and hanging out. It wasn’t really my scene but I kind of adjusted myself to fit for better or worse. Some kids will do that. My DS is not like that also for better or worse.

Hiking takes place during the day - isn’t most drinking at parties at night? I suspect you can find a hiking/outdoor club at most colleges, but I’d look for schools that have evening entertainment (comedy shows, concerts, restaurants nearby to walk to) as alternatives to heavy drinking parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

yes but again you're talking about HS kids. Neither of my kids ever went to a party in HS and are in the "smart kid" group, lots of movies, coffee dates, etc. Never into the party, popular kid scene. The minute they walk onto campus though, they are hit with nonstop partying, drinking, smoking (and worse). Just FYI. I have posted on this board about this before and still people just have their heads in the sand. Most of my kids friends did not drink in high school either and ALOT of them went somewhat crazy with drinking, drugs and sex once they got to school. Thankfully, they eventually do settle down but that first year is somewhat of a free for all. Believe me or don't.

[Anonymous]

My non-partying Junior son told me last night he wants to live at home and commute to USF. I had thought that residential-living was really important for the social connections but changed my mind for my younger son. He has a bedroom with en suite bath to himself here at home in San Francisco. He doesn’t drink, has misophonia and would rather eat my food. He stands to get a big merit aid package from USF based on his practice tests and GPA. So why not save money for law school? My older son is very much a social animal and is enjoying dorm life. Younger son makes friends easily. I don’t think he needs to be in a dorm.

[Anonymous]

Forgot to add, OP, why not have him commute to a school? Do you live near any good ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

yes but again you're talking about HS kids. Neither of my kids ever went to a party in HS and are in the "smart kid" group, lots of movies, coffee dates, etc. Never into the party, popular kid scene. The minute they walk onto campus though, they are hit with nonstop partying, drinking, smoking (and worse). Just FYI. I have posted on this board about this before and still people just have their heads in the sand. Most of my kids friends did not drink in high school either and ALOT of them went somewhat crazy with drinking, drugs and sex once they got to school. Thankfully, they eventually do settle down but that first year is somewhat of a free for all. Believe me or don't.

So kids who drink in high school are more responsible drinkers in college? Definitely not from what I've seen and heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What portion of the student body at your DC’s college are non drinkers? And, how are they faring socially?

Avoid schools with big frat culture

at the same time, learn to handle one or two drinks

Mom, I don't drink due to fear of becoming an alcoholic like you.

Well said. The ignorant smugness around here...

+1

And none more ignorantly smug that the parent who posted above about condoning one sibling teaching the other (apparently teenaged) sibling to smoke weed "to lessen the awkwardness" if second sibling went to college and was around weed smokers.

I'm wagering that mom and dad smoke weed themselves--they're adults, after all--but they refuse to acknowledge that plenty of research over many years shows that weed is terrible for developiing brains -- and our brains keep developing into our early 20s.

But nope, better be sure the poor, naive kid has experience with weed before going off to college, because God forbid the kid should ever have an "awkward" moment, or learn to say no thanks.

I’m that poster. The kid is fine. We all are, in fact. We laugh about it now. And yea, we all smoke a little weed still. So what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

yes but again you're talking about HS kids. Neither of my kids ever went to a party in HS and are in the "smart kid" group, lots of movies, coffee dates, etc. Never into the party, popular kid scene. The minute they walk onto campus though, they are hit with nonstop partying, drinking, smoking (and worse). Just FYI. I have posted on this board about this before and still people just have their heads in the sand. Most of my kids friends did not drink in high school either and ALOT of them went somewhat crazy with drinking, drugs and sex once they got to school. Thankfully, they eventually do settle down but that first year is somewhat of a free for all. Believe me or don't.

So kids who drink in high school are more responsible drinkers in college? Definitely not from what I've seen and heard.

I did not say that. Just echoing that those who do not drink in HS, may still end up drinking, and quite heavily, in college. Best to have open and honest conversations with your kid rather than assuming they will be sitting at home reading until 11 and then going to bed every night like some of the parents on this board think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

It’s not judging at all. It’s reality. Unless your kid goes to Grove City, Liberty or BYU when they go to college they are going to be exposed to a lot of drinking, and in all likelihood they are going to join in. In my experience, it’s the kids who had strict parents in high school who are the most at risk when it comes to not handling the transition well. I’m not saying they’re all going to turn into drunken floosies or predatory frat boys, but they are going to have adjustment issues.

Every single one of my kids’ high school friends (we raised four kids) ALL drink now. They ALL do. It’s gonna happen to your kids, too. It’s amazing how divorced so many of you are from reality. You really can’t remember college? Did you speed age from 30 to 80 the moment you gave birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

yes but again you're talking about HS kids. Neither of my kids ever went to a party in HS and are in the "smart kid" group, lots of movies, coffee dates, etc. Never into the party, popular kid scene. The minute they walk onto campus though, they are hit with nonstop partying, drinking, smoking (and worse). Just FYI. I have posted on this board about this before and still people just have their heads in the sand. Most of my kids friends did not drink in high school either and ALOT of them went somewhat crazy with drinking, drugs and sex once they got to school. Thankfully, they eventually do settle down but that first year is somewhat of a free for all. Believe me or don't.

So kids who drink in high school are more responsible drinkers in college? Definitely not from what I've seen and heard.

I did not say that. Just echoing that those who do not drink in HS, may still end up drinking, and quite heavily, in college. Best to have open and honest conversations with your kid rather than assuming they will be sitting at home reading until 11 and then going to bed every night like some of the parents on this board think.

No argument with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

It’s not judging at all. It’s reality. Unless your kid goes to Grove City, Liberty or BYU when they go to college they are going to be exposed to a lot of drinking, and in all likelihood they are going to join in. In my experience, it’s the kids who had strict parents in high school who are the most at risk when it comes to not handling the transition well. I’m not saying they’re all going to turn into drunken floosies or predatory frat boys, but they are going to have adjustment issues.

Every single one of my kids’ high school friends (we raised four kids) ALL drink now. They ALL do. It’s gonna happen to your kids, too. It’s amazing how divorced so many of you are from reality. You really can’t remember college? Did you speed age from 30 to 80 the moment you gave birth?

There's a difference between kids who, on their own, choose not to drink, versus kids who want to try alcohol but are too scared to cross their parents. Sure, even the former may eventually choose to drink in college (that was me, for example), and some may go overboard, but the most irresponsible partiers in my fraternity were proficient drinkers before they left high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

This is a legitimate concern. Our daughter’s college roommate was a skinny little thing who never drank before college and once she got there she would get herself absolutely hammered and our daughter would have to take care of her. Overly protective parents in high school really do their kids a disservice.

this is one of the judgy-est threads I’ve read on dcum and that is saying a lot. plenty of teens don’t drink in HS and college and it isn’t due to overprotective parents. my own HS aged teens and their friends don’t drink and don’t go to parties, because that is their social “scene.” They watch movies, get food, hang out and play poker or whatever. If that’s what teens feel most comfortable doing, should we push them to chug a beer and go to a party?? geez

It’s not judging at all. It’s reality. Unless your kid goes to Grove City, Liberty or BYU when they go to college they are going to be exposed to a lot of drinking, and in all likelihood they are going to join in. In my experience, it’s the kids who had strict parents in high school who are the most at risk when it comes to not handling the transition well. I’m not saying they’re all going to turn into drunken floosies or predatory frat boys, but they are going to have adjustment issues.

Every single one of my kids’ high school friends (we raised four kids) ALL drink now. They ALL do. It’s gonna happen to your kids, too. It’s amazing how divorced so many of you are from reality. You really can’t remember college? Did you speed age from 30 to 80 the moment you gave birth?

There's a difference between kids who, on their own, choose not to drink, versus kids who want to try alcohol but are too scared to cross their parents. Sure, even the former may eventually choose to drink in college (that was me, for example), and some may go overboard, but the most irresponsible partiers in my fraternity were proficient drinkers before they left high school.

Sure isn’t that way in Europe

[Anonymous]

Big difference between, on the one hand, kids that have open communication with the parents and either (1) choose not to drink entirely or (2) drink moderately and, on the other hand, kids whose parents have rigidly ensured their children have no opportunity to drink and impose harsh penalty if they get caught.

We have an 18 year old senior. She has started drinking a bit this school year. Not a lot, but, following many conversations from her younger years we talk about it because we want her to arrive at college with an understanding of how to keep safe and what not to do. I don’t want her to be the one blackout drunk every weekend. I feel like talking with her as the adult she is is our best hope. Smart kid, a little nerdy, hard worker that also wants to have fun sometimes.