Non Drinkers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

Really? I find drunks to be so boring. They get sloppier and sloppier, and laugh at stupid things. Then some throw up or need help to stay safe. Not my crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many kids that parents here think are not drinkers will drink plenty of alcohol in college.

Thanks, but some of us are pretty close to our kids. My freshman's ONLY complaint about college was the fact that she could not find other non-drinkers to hang out with. Also, she liked to get up early and on weekends the dining hall opened very late, under the assumption that everyone would be hung over. And the breakfast conversation among freshmen seemed to revolve around how hung over everyone was. Not her scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because your kid is a non-drinker now doesn’t mean they won’t become one in college. And it won’t happen simply because others around them drink. It’ll be because they will be becoming adults and making their own decisions. If they decide not to drink, they’re not going to be ostracized socially. They can find other outlets for fun if they don’t want to go to parties. You worry too much and don’t have enough faith in your kid.

When our second kid was about to head off to college our oldest kid, a year or two outside of college, expressed concern to us that their sibling (a nerdy kid who never did anything in high school) might find themselves in an awkward position in college around kids smoking weed. The older kid offered to show their sibling how to smoke weed to lessen the awkwardness. We thought this was a good idea - better to start with someone you know and trust. It worked out pretty well.

?? Wow, interesting family. Where the older sibling introduces the younger one to drug use and the parents endorse the plan. As a way to prepare for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

I have a non drinker who I really am certain will stay a non drinker and the issue fir him in looking at schools is that even going to those kind of sloppy college parties and holding a solo cup won’t be his thing so he’s really trying to figure out which schools will have other social opportunities. He really likes hiking o one thing we’ve been looking at are schools that have robust outdoors clubs. I was the light drinker in college that was okay with going to the parties, having one beer and hanging out. It wasn’t really my scene but I kind of adjusted myself to fit for better or worse. Some kids will do that. My DS is not like that also for better or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

You need/needed better friends.

OP, I had no issues at big university as a non/light drinker. I just joined plenty of clubs and activities and went to and left parties when I wanted to. None of my friends ever pushed me to drink, even at parties. There are were other nondrinkers at my school and I definitely had some in my friend group as well as some harder core partiers (and some people in these categories swapped over the course of our four years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

Underage drinking is dangerous. Your kid sounds like he has more sense than his parents.

There are MANY studies which show that the increase in legal drinking age in the US has saved thousands and thousands of lives. And prevented sexual assaults and fatal falls, fights, etc.

Aging parents should not remember their youth fondly and think underage drinking is inevitable.

Society evolves...but progress is hard with the likes of many DCUM posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would anyone know that?

Drinking is not the main thing that will keep or not keep a kid from being happy and engaged in college.

Disagree--especially with respect to small, cold weather, rural schools.

My non-drinker is having a great time at their small, cold weather school.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Urban schools like NYU, Northeastern, Boston University

Lots of drinking at BU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would anyone know that?

Drinking is not the main thing that will keep or not keep a kid from being happy and engaged in college.

Disagree--especially with respect to small, cold weather, rural schools.

My non-drinker is having a great time at their small, cold weather school.

Can you name the school?

[Anonymous]

College students have been shown to consistently overestimate the drinking of their peers.

There are studies on it if you want to google it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is looking for a school with a non-drinking crowd, pick a school near stuff to do. My DS at a college goes out to dinner, sees concerts, attends professional sporting events and otherwises uses the city where his college is located. He also drinks some, but he has friends that don't and he has lots of things to do other than partying.

+1

Too often the only real social option for students at small, cold weather, rural schools revolves around drinking alcohol.

Then those are crap schools with students who lack the imagination to create other things to do and an administration that sits back and shrugs at alcohol culture while failing to encourage other activities.

This is not true. Lots of heavy drinking at top notch schools--ask any student at MIT, for example. It is important to be at a school which offers alternative non-drinking focused activities. Very easy to find at large schools and at urban schools, not so easy at small rural cold weather schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you go to a party. You hold a drink. No one knows you're not drinking. No one knows what's in the cup. Lots of ways to handle this responsibly, enjoy college life and have fun.

oh no. They push it. They ask. They look inside your cup. You are found out and labeled. It’s a real problem for the non-drinker. Plus, it’s not enjoyable to stand around while others are getting smashe
D.

I have a non drinker who I really am certain will stay a non drinker and the issue fir him in looking at schools is that even going to those kind of sloppy college parties and holding a solo cup won’t be his thing so he’s really trying to figure out which schools will have other social opportunities. He really likes hiking o one thing we’ve been looking at are schools that have robust outdoors clubs. I was the light drinker in college that was okay with going to the parties, having one beer and hanging out. It wasn’t really my scene but I kind of adjusted myself to fit for better or worse. Some kids will do that. My DS is not like that also for better or worse.

As mentioned, you can see survey results from different schools on UNIGO. The cultures vary greatly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is looking for a school with a non-drinking crowd, pick a school near stuff to do. My DS at a college goes out to dinner, sees concerts, attends professional sporting events and otherwises uses the city where his college is located. He also drinks some, but he has friends that don't and he has lots of things to do other than partying.

+1

Too often the only real social option for students at small, cold weather, rural schools revolves around drinking alcohol.

Then those are crap schools with students who lack the imagination to create other things to do and an administration that sits back and shrugs at alcohol culture while failing to encourage other activities.

This is not true. Lots of heavy drinking at top notch schools--ask any student at MIT, for example. It is important to be at a school which offers alternative non-drinking focused activities. Very easy to find at large schools and at urban schools, not so easy at small rural cold weather schools.

Lol I'm a previous (nondrinking) poster who said I was fine at my big university... which was MIT. There were lots of activities, both administration-sponsored and otherwise, with and without alcohol. I assume there are plenty of happy non-drinkers at small, rural, cold weather schools as well (I acquired my nondrinking habits in my small, rural, cold weather town of origin).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is looking for a school with a non-drinking crowd, pick a school near stuff to do. My DS at a college goes out to dinner, sees concerts, attends professional sporting events and otherwises uses the city where his college is located. He also drinks some, but he has friends that don't and he has lots of things to do other than partying.

+1

Too often the only real social option for students at small, cold weather, rural schools revolves around drinking alcohol.

You really are a one-trick pony, aren't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always talk to our HS Senior about making safe choices when they go out, calling us, using Uber, etc. Well they recently announced to us that we can stop b/c they don't drink and are always the designated driver for their friends. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are not disappointed, and if this is ultimately their lifestyle choice we support it 100%, but we are concerned DC is going to go to college and decide to drink with 0 experience - which could be dangerous.

Underage drinking is dangerous. Your kid sounds like he has more sense than his parents.

There are MANY studies which show that the increase in legal drinking age in the US has saved thousands and thousands of lives. And prevented sexual assaults and fatal falls, fights, etc.

Aging parents should not remember their youth fondly and think underage drinking is inevitable.

Society evolves...but progress is hard with the likes of many DCUM posters.

I appreciate the perspective, but I also work to meet my kids where they're at as opposed to playing ostrich like my parents did in the 90s and having my kids lie to me. Doesn't mean I green-light all their decisions, but when I don't it gives us an opportunity to talk about it. My kid is 18 and will be living on his own in less than a year. Part of our job is to prepare him for that, but we are far from laissez-faire parents. He has made his own decision not to drink, which is the best sort of a decision a person can make - self-directed as opposed to forced on them - so we must be doing something right.