In-laws don’t offer to host. Tired of hosting. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

Plan a vacation during the Holidays to break the habit.
Then next time, say you're not up to hosting and that you'll celebrate as a nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was prepared for you to have been doing this for two decades and have to say I’m underwhelmed by you doing it since 2019! Having said that, your husband needs to suggest that you rotate hosting. Easy.

Well, aren’t you a martyr! It would be nice for the ILs to host the 10th holiday, and that’s assuming they don’t host Easter or birthdays. OP has every right to be tired.

To be fair, 2019 wasn’t all that long ago.

And at least a year of holidays were lost to covid. So OP is complaining about having hosted like, 4 holidays.

What’s your point? Are you the Exhaustion Police? Are you saying OPs feelings aren’t valid? Maybe she doesn’t want to host the FIFTH holiday. Why doesn’t she get a preference?

I think people are reacting to the assumption that her in-laws probably hosted for 20-30 years before their kid got married and they could pawn it off.

[Anonymous]

Set a new standard for hosting the holidays. DH tidies the house, order food to be delivered, paper plates/napkins and DH throws out the trash.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you willing to do if not a full-scale hosting? Tell your spouse, who can tell his parents:

I'm willing to have everyone over if you clean and we serve takeout
I'm willing to have everyone over for dessert, which I will buy, after Christmas dinner, which will be soup
I'd like everyone to come over for Christmas movies and hot chocolate on the 23rd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was prepared for you to have been doing this for two decades and have to say I’m underwhelmed by you doing it since 2019! Having said that, your husband needs to suggest that you rotate hosting. Easy.

Well, aren’t you a martyr! It would be nice for the ILs to host the 10th holiday, and that’s assuming they don’t host Easter or birthdays. OP has every right to be tired.

To be fair, 2019 wasn’t all that long ago.

And at least a year of holidays were lost to covid. So OP is complaining about having hosted like, 4 holidays.

What’s your point? Are you the Exhaustion Police? Are you saying OPs feelings aren’t valid? Maybe she doesn’t want to host the FIFTH holiday. Why doesn’t she get a preference?

I think people are reacting to the assumption that her in-laws probably hosted for 20-30 years before their kid got married and they could pawn it off.

Except apparently they're not "pawning it off" on their own dayom kids, now are they? OP didn't benefit from their years of hosting, now did she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was prepared for you to have been doing this for two decades and have to say I’m underwhelmed by you doing it since 2019! Having said that, your husband needs to suggest that you rotate hosting. Easy.

Well, aren’t you a martyr! It would be nice for the ILs to host the 10th holiday, and that’s assuming they don’t host Easter or birthdays. OP has every right to be tired.

To be fair, 2019 wasn’t all that long ago.

And at least a year of holidays were lost to covid. So OP is complaining about having hosted like, 4 holidays.

What’s your point? Are you the Exhaustion Police? Are you saying OPs feelings aren’t valid? Maybe she doesn’t want to host the FIFTH holiday. Why doesn’t she get a preference?

I think people are reacting to the assumption that her in-laws probably hosted for 20-30 years before their kid got married and they could pawn it off.

Except apparently they're not "pawning it off" on their own dayom kids, now are they? OP didn't benefit from their years of hosting, now did she?

So why does she do it now? Nobody asked her.

[Anonymous]

Go out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tired. DH is very helpful but I’m tired of hosting. I’m tired of helping clean the house and shopping, prepping and cooking, cleaning. I want to be hosted! In-laws never offer and wait for you to offer to host. I oblige because I don’t want to not celebrate with them. We just did Thanksgiving. We’ve done every holiday since 2019. I’m done.
How to drop the rope, or get DH on board. Because let’s be honest, DH is helpful, but majority of hosting falls on the women.

Don't mean to hijack your thread with this question, but... what does the bolded mean?

I've seen this expression used a number of times on DCUM (usually in reference to either feeding like a doormat, creating boundaries or cutting off a toxic relationship/family member).

Is there something in particular that this phrase is referenced from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tired. DH is very helpful but I’m tired of hosting. I’m tired of helping clean the house and shopping, prepping and cooking, cleaning. I want to be hosted! In-laws never offer and wait for you to offer to host. I oblige because I don’t want to not celebrate with them. We just did Thanksgiving. We’ve done every holiday since 2019. I’m done.
How to drop the rope, or get DH on board. Because let’s be honest, DH is helpful, but majority of hosting falls on the women.

Don't mean to hijack your thread with this question, but... what does the bolded mean?

I've seen this expression used a number of times on DCUM (usually in reference to either feeding like a doormat, creating boundaries or cutting off a toxic relationship/family member).

Is there something in particular that this phrase is referenced from?

You can't figure it out from context in the many posts you've seen it used in? That's how I learned it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tired. DH is very helpful but I’m tired of hosting. I’m tired of helping clean the house and shopping, prepping and cooking, cleaning. I want to be hosted! In-laws never offer and wait for you to offer to host. I oblige because I don’t want to not celebrate with them. We just did Thanksgiving. We’ve done every holiday since 2019. I’m done.
How to drop the rope, or get DH on board. Because let’s be honest, DH is helpful, but majority of hosting falls on the women.

Don't mean to hijack your thread with this question, but... what does the bolded mean?

I've seen this expression used a number of times on DCUM (usually in reference to either feeding like a doormat, creating boundaries or cutting off a toxic relationship/family member).

Is there something in particular that this phrase is referenced from?

It comes from the game tug-of-war. You can end the battle immediately by dropping the rope.

[Anonymous]

As soon as you are done with hosting all the holidays for this year, please announce that you will not be hosting and parties going forward. It is amazing that no one minds as no one want to do the hosting either.

Then, going forward, you can just serve a Chinese takeout dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As soon as you are done with hosting all the holidays for this year, please announce that you will not be hosting and parties going forward. It is amazing that no one minds as no one want to do the hosting either.

Then, going forward, you can just serve a Chinese takeout dinner.

Saddest thing ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As soon as you are done with hosting all the holidays for this year, please announce that you will not be hosting and parties going forward. It is amazing that no one minds as no one want to do the hosting either.

Then, going forward, you can just serve a Chinese takeout dinner.

Saddest thing ever.

People who feel like you do are welcome to host! Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was prepared for you to have been doing this for two decades and have to say I’m underwhelmed by you doing it since 2019! Having said that, your husband needs to suggest that you rotate hosting. Easy.

Well, aren’t you a martyr! It would be nice for the ILs to host the 10th holiday, and that’s assuming they don’t host Easter or birthdays. OP has every right to be tired.

To be fair, 2019 wasn’t all that long ago.

And at least a year of holidays were lost to covid. So OP is complaining about having hosted like, 4 holidays.

What’s your point? Are you the Exhaustion Police? Are you saying OPs feelings aren’t valid? Maybe she doesn’t want to host the FIFTH holiday. Why doesn’t she get a preference?

I think people are reacting to the assumption that her in-laws probably hosted for 20-30 years before their kid got married and they could pawn it off.

Except apparently they're not "pawning it off" on their own dayom kids, now are they? OP didn't benefit from their years of hosting, now did she?

So why does she do it now? Nobody asked her.

And how do you know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tired. DH is very helpful but I’m tired of hosting. I’m tired of helping clean the house and shopping, prepping and cooking, cleaning. I want to be hosted! In-laws never offer and wait for you to offer to host. I oblige because I don’t want to not celebrate with them. We just did Thanksgiving. We’ve done every holiday since 2019. I’m done.
How to drop the rope, or get DH on board. Because let’s be honest, DH is helpful, but majority of hosting falls on the women.

Don't mean to hijack your thread with this question, but... what does the bolded mean?

I've seen this expression used a number of times on DCUM (usually in reference to either feeding like a doormat, creating boundaries or cutting off a toxic relationship/family member).

Is there something in particular that this phrase is referenced from?

You’re familiar with tug-of-war, right? Where two teams are each pulling at a rope, trying to drag the other team across the center line? Drop the rope means stop playing tug-of-war, drop the rope and walk away.