Dad (70s) communicating with younger (30s) woman- what is her motive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will eventually tell him she needs money for something, possibly have an "emergency" when they are supposed to meet up and ask for him to send her money so she can get there.

He needs to stop communicating with her.

This is EXACTLY what I told him would happen. i’m going to his house tomorrow to have a discussion with him.

And by discussion you mean sitting there with him as he deletes all threads and blocks all contact info and the app where this started. It’s no guarantee that he won’t connect with her, but it’s a start.

Yep- I’m not sure where the contact started but she has been communicating with him through the Telegram app even though she has an iPhone- ding ding ding there is another red flag. It’s one of those things like why wouldn’t she use iMessage, FaceTime? Yes I will be asking him to delete the app too.

So what is he saying when you tell him this is a scam?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will eventually tell him she needs money for something, possibly have an "emergency" when they are supposed to meet up and ask for him to send her money so she can get there.

He needs to stop communicating with her.

This is EXACTLY what I told him would happen. i’m going to his house tomorrow to have a discussion with him.

And by discussion you mean sitting there with him as he deletes all threads and blocks all contact info and the app where this started. It’s no guarantee that he won’t connect with her, but it’s a start.

Yep- I’m not sure where the contact started but she has been communicating with him through the Telegram app even though she has an iPhone- ding ding ding there is another red flag. It’s one of those things like why wouldn’t she use iMessage, FaceTime? Yes I will be asking him to delete the app too.

So what is he saying when you tell him this is a scam?

He is saying “it’s really common for younger people to use these apps”. I don’t know what Gen Z is doing but if this person is my age then no I really don’t think it’s common. He is saying “what if she is just lonely and socially awkward”. Again, even if that is the case why not talk to someone your own age. Her phone number is a weird area code- “what if that’s where she moved from”- nope, I told him that area code is very new. I think he wants to see why things might have explanations. The easiest explanation is that it’s a scammer.

[Anonymous]

My dad throws away so much money with "women" and he doesn't get its all about money. Nothing you can do, sadly.

[Anonymous]

OP has too many convenient answers vs just blocking the scammer on Dads phone. I’m calling fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has too many convenient answers vs just blocking the scammer on Dads phone. I’m calling fake.

what? This is OP. This situation is seriously happening with my stubborn 75 yo dad who is not an unintelligent person. I’ve never been too worried about his judgement until now and he is not one to just “hand over” his phone to his daughter. Logic usually works with him but it doesn’t seem to be this time, so I’m going to let him know how concerning it is and how worried I am - that might be something that he listens to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has too many convenient answers vs just blocking the scammer on Dads phone. I’m calling fake.

what? This is OP. This situation is seriously happening with my stubborn 75 yo dad who is not an unintelligent person. I’ve never been too worried about his judgement until now and he is not one to just “hand over” his phone to his daughter. Logic usually works with him but it doesn’t seem to be this time, so I’m going to let him know how concerning it is and how worried I am - that might be something that he listens to.

Try this logic: “Dad, why is some 30-something woman interested in you?” Tough love, but it’s got to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will eventually tell him she needs money for something, possibly have an "emergency" when they are supposed to meet up and ask for him to send her money so she can get there.

He needs to stop communicating with her.

This is EXACTLY what I told him would happen. i’m going to his house tomorrow to have a discussion with him.

And by discussion you mean sitting there with him as he deletes all threads and blocks all contact info and the app where this started. It’s no guarantee that he won’t connect with her, but it’s a start.

Yep- I’m not sure where the contact started but she has been communicating with him through the Telegram app even though she has an iPhone- ding ding ding there is another red flag. It’s one of those things like why wouldn’t she use iMessage, FaceTime? Yes I will be asking him to delete the app too.

So what is he saying when you tell him this is a scam?

He is saying “it’s really common for younger people to use these apps”. I don’t know what Gen Z is doing but if this person is my age then no I really don’t think it’s common. He is saying “what if she is just lonely and socially awkward”. Again, even if that is the case why not talk to someone your own age. Her phone number is a weird area code- “what if that’s where she moved from”- nope, I told him that area code is very new. I think he wants to see why things might have explanations. The easiest explanation is that it’s a scammer.

NP. You mentioned she used the app Telegram to reach him at first -- is that right, OP? Telegram is most heavily used in India and Russia -- you can look it up online and show it to him. This is likely a scammer overseas.

OP, it sounds as if he's defensive. You said earlier he wants to "confront" her and now he's making excuses for "her" such as "what if that (area code) is where she moved from" etc. Sounds like he's not going to listen to you about this. Is there some peer of his, someone his own generation, whom he trusts and to whom he would listen? Can you engage someone like that, a friend or sibling, someone from his work/social circle/place of worship/anything, to show him the light? Sometimes people need to hear these things from a friend and peer, or a professional like a doctor or pastor etc., when they refuse to hear from their own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has too many convenient answers vs just blocking the scammer on Dads phone. I’m calling fake.

DP. You PPs thinking the OP can simply grab her dad's phone and start blocking numbers etc. are being jerks. Maybe YOUR parents will just hand over their phones to you, or maybe you're fine digging around to steal a parent's phone, but it's entirely possible that an older person might refuse to hand over a phone even to their own adult child. And guess what? Some older users even know how to, gasp!, password protect and otherwise protect access to their phones and even their computers. I know! Amazing, right? But true. Stop claiming it's a piece of cake to "just block the scammers on Dad's phone" without dad's consent or passcodes.

[Anonymous]

Will he watch an episode of Catfish with you?

[Anonymous]

Omg I get weird texts like that and I'm female. I think it's scammers overseas. Please tell him never to give credit card info, bank, SSN, never click on links, don't go to any website she shares, don't download anything. If she wants to be friends, they can connect on FB and video each other on messenger if they want. If it's even a real person

[Anonymous]

He'll send the money because he's lonely and if he doesn't, she'll cut off all communication, which he'd rather die then let happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It never ceases to surprise me that mature men actually think that women half their age could possibly be remotely interested in them in a sexual or romantic way.

Yes this is very sad
I am not OP but my dad is very vulnerable because he was abused by my mother for decades and is hungry for every little bit of approval
There is a male friend I was super suspicious of who kept telling him he was a genius etc etc
So far it’s ok but I am very suspicious still
The problem is that my dad is far away and his “friend” is in the same city as him
If I were OP I would just take dad’s phone and block and delete. Or change the number. The warnings won’t work because these elderly people are hungry for feeling young and desired and admired… very sad

[Anonymous]

This is a scam. If you're interested, here's a link to my DCUM thread from Sep 2020 after my mom was scammed:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/915381.page#18213196

Please please please block the number whatever it takes. Your dad won't just come to his senses. The scammers are too good at what they do.

[Anonymous]

The problem with situations like this is that a person’s kids can’t give him the same satisfaction as online scammers, simply because the scammers will pretend that their vis a vis is the best, the greatest, etc.
Whereas us kids, we know our parents are flawed but we still love them
But they want the admiration, they want to feel young again… that’s what scammers are so good at exploiting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with situations like this is that a person’s kids can’t give him the same satisfaction as online scammers, simply because the scammers will pretend that their vis a vis is the best, the greatest, etc.
Whereas us kids, we know our parents are flawed but we still love them
But they want the admiration, they want to feel young again… that’s what scammers are so good at exploiting

I 100% agree.