I hate that I ended up in stressful, rat race DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you meet a jerk in the morning, you had a bad morning. If you meet jerks all day… you’re the jerk.

I’m just amazed at people who lament the “DC culture.” YOU are part of the DC culture. You have complete power over every aspect of this, so make whatever changes you need to make not to be in a “rat race.”

Nice try, but some places like DC are just filled with jerks, and you encounter a lot of them on a regular basis.

Yes and they mostly commute along the Dulles toll rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you meet a jerk in the morning, you had a bad morning. If you meet jerks all day… you’re the jerk.

I’m just amazed at people who lament the “DC culture.” YOU are part of the DC culture. You have complete power over every aspect of this, so make whatever changes you need to make not to be in a “rat race.”

Thank you! This x 100! If all you experience is status obsessed folks around here, it’s bc you are buying into the BS yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How strange. As a Fed I feel none of this, and think that the DMV is a chill place to raise a family. Maybe it's a private sector rat race thing?

I'm a fed and my new boss runs the office like big law. it's awful -- i'm looking to make a change. but i used to feel the same way as you.

I’m a fed too. I work hard and get my stuff done, but it’s far from stressful. There are those in the office that continually talk about how overworked and under resourced we are…I just laugh to myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a Fed, I am in the arts. Our HHI is about $170. We live a very non-rat-race life in Bethesda. Family dinner almost every night. Hang out on the weekends. I agree there are some very competitive people around here, but it is pretty easy to avoid them. Honestly our friends and neighbors are pretty down to earth for the most part.

Sounds like you are hanging with the wrong crowd, or maybe your job is ruining your life.

Try to focus on what is amazing about the DMV -- the unbelievable diversity and tolerance. The free museums. Rock Creek park. Great hiking and camping nearby. Lots of cute towns in Va and Md to do day trips. Canoeing/kayaking on the Potomac. Art classes offered at Glen Echo.

And get a new job

You are describing my life, except that we are a dual Fed couple in Bethesda. You know what’s a lot worse than growing up in the DMV? Growing up in a racist rural town. I absolutely love Bethesda and DC. We have so many lovely friends in our neighborhood (Bannockburn) and with parents on our kids sports teams.

I will say that I occasionally focus on how much friendlier strangers are elsewhere. We are hosting Thanksgiving in Bethany Beach, and I did all my shopping at the Millville Giant. I think I spoke to half the people in the store, from the man who was grocery shopping for what seemed like the first time ever and needed help finding sweet potatoes and picking ripe avocados, to the lady who warned me not to step on a slippery spot and blessed me for helping her find buttermilk, to all the people who apologized for leaving their cart in the way, and to the checkout guy who grew up near White Flint mall in a house his parents bought for $15k in the 1950s. I like both places a lot.

[Anonymous]

Another bethesda person here who is oblivious to the rat race. The PP comment about the MLM cracked me up because that was such a thing when I lived in my hometown in a non-coastal state but I’ve never met anyone here who does that. If you feel like people aren’t friendly, be more friendlly yourself. I’d say 80% of the time people respond very positively. I’m the person that will compliment someone in the grocery line on her dress, or ask someone what their dogs name is and how old he is. The parents at our public school are mostly super friendly and I feel like I know a fair number of them.

I do hate the traffic but try to use the buses and metro. No metro in my hometown and only addicts take the bus system, so that’s a plus for the DMV! I also hate how stuff for kids books up and it seems like it’s hard to do anything like sports “casually” here —- but I think that’s also now true in a lot of exurbs and rural areas. I see teams from rural PA and VA at these travel tournaments that look way more intense than our teams so I guess sports at least is pretty competitive in a lot of places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How strange. As a Fed I feel none of this, and think that the DMV is a chill place to raise a family. Maybe it's a private sector rat race thing?

I'm a fed and my new boss runs the office like big law. it's awful -- i'm looking to make a change. but i used to feel the same way as you.

I work in local government and don’t make a big salary and I am expected to be responsive evenings, weekends and holidays. It’s ridiculous.

It’s easier to change jobs/agencies within the Fed. I remember having a job like this early in my Fed days, and it was great for experience/learning. But when I had kids, I switched agencies and found a job that gave me much more work-life balance.

Definitely agree that the rat race can be avoided entirely within the Fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hated it too, and moved to NYC. We find it much less stressful and the people to be much more secure in themselves and more open-minded.

I also think that people in Miami are incredibly insecure and superficial. NY was much better. People have interests and personality and can talk about things other than their house and their cars.

Lol at the people who think NYC is so down to earth and uncompetitive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've lived in NY, Boston and the SF bay (both SF and east)- as well as rural new england and florida.

DC is so much less stressful than NY and SF (though not east bay). But that may just be since we don't hang out with finance and tech types here. Man some of those people are so wound up.

Now it is still 100x worse than rural new england. I want to move back someday. (I'll pass on rural florida for all the weird shit you deal with there)

+1 never been happier or felt wealthier in the ways that mattered than in rural New England

[Anonymous]

Lack of humility in DC. People are afraid to be self-degrading here. Irony is lost on the people of DC. Compare with NYC where everyone openly acknowledges when the going gets tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you meet a jerk in the morning, you had a bad morning. If you meet jerks all day… you’re the jerk.

I’m just amazed at people who lament the “DC culture.” YOU are part of the DC culture. You have complete power over every aspect of this, so make whatever changes you need to make not to be in a “rat race.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you meet a jerk in the morning, you had a bad morning. If you meet jerks all day… you’re the jerk.

I’m just amazed at people who lament the “DC culture.” YOU are part of the DC culture. You have complete power over every aspect of this, so make whatever changes you need to make not to be in a “rat race.”

Nice try, but some places like DC are just filled with jerks, and you encounter a lot of them on a regular basis.

Yes and they mostly commute along the Dulles toll rd.

This is just another reason I really need to move to Europe to get away from here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of work and people and constantly being on my toes and having everything be so high stakes. I wish I lived in a log cabin in Norway or somewhere with free healthcare, just by myself and two or three dogs. .

This area is the worst. No one cares about anyone but themselves. Everyone is keeping up with the jones'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived in the DMV for ten years. Made one real friend. Everyone else who I initially thought was a friend wanted to use me in some way. They wanted to use me for free childcare. They wanted me to buy their MLM line. They wanted for some purpose that was beyond just being.

You learn not to say "hi" to many of your neighbors. When you say "ho" and they don't reply or even look at you, well, you learn from that.

You learn never to admit ANY weakness or challenge in your life with anyone, about anything, If you do, then they will one-up you in a heartbeat. So you keep your struggles, and your children's struggles (if you have them), as closely guarded things you never share.

Living in the DMC makes you very cynical. OP, just know that the DC area is uniquely awful. Get in, get some work experience, and get out. Regain your humanity.

It was hard.

THIS!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it ironic that this is a common refrain among transplants who came to DC in the first place for their careers. You’re part of the problem that you’re complaining about. Many of us locals have managed to establish a balanced lifestyle by avoiding transplant strivers as much as possible.

Laughable....maybe you are what people describe but you don't realize because this is normal to you.

[Anonymous]

I liked it for many years until it became too much. Then I moved out of the area. I still miss the area. Wish I could retire there, but due to the cost of living it is not a place to retire to, but a place to retire from. It would be great to be there with no stress or pressures.