Inexpensive wedding gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s an anonymous forum, I admit I would think less of someone who gave me a $40 gift too. I know I am prone to bean counting, and of course ‘know’ that the greatest gift is their presence but it still doesn’t feel good to have such a lowly amount.

I agree completely. And surely we can all agree that some sort of gift, at some point, is an insult/signal of their feelings. Like some cups from Dollar Tree? Sure sounds like whatever this gift was, it was leaning toward that category.

OP indicated she doesn’t actually like these people. So, why get bent out of shape over an obligatory invite? It’s childish. Reading what OP has to say, I’m wondering if she is a young bride.

I doubt it, since she dropped $300 on them 10 years ago for their wedding.

She said “we” spent $300 on them 10 years ago. How long have you been dating/engaged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a family member gives a low dollar wedding gift (say under $40 for a couple) for a $100/person wedding, do you think they are signaling they don’t like you or think very much of you or the relationship, they’re cheap, or just clueless? They’re not poor. Of course I will be gracious to them but do I back off any relationship with them in the future?

How much did they spend to be at the wedding?

OP here. It’s a local wedding so they have no travel expenses. They have family watching their kids so no expense there. We gave them $300 for their wedding over 10 years ago. Our wedding is no more fancy than theirs was. I wasn’t expecting to recoup dollar for dollar and I don’t view the wedding as a gift grab. It’s just that the amount they spent is what we have spent on a birthday present for their kid. We are closely related, but not “close” if that makes any sense. There was no falling out or anything like that. Just different interests and life circumstances. This gift makes me think they don’t want to keep up the charade.

How do you know how much their gift cost? Are you complaining because someone chose something from your registry — in the belief that they were picking something that you would actually like?

Seriously, I don’t know any of you, but since you view this as “a charade” — why exactly did you invite them to your wedding in the first place?

Responded above that it was obligatory based on a close family tie. Matriarch would have been offended if they weren’t invited.

[Anonymous]

I think you should back off of the relationship with them because you dislike them, not because of the gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s an anonymous forum, I admit I would think less of someone who gave me a $40 gift too. I know I am prone to bean counting, and of course ‘know’ that the greatest gift is their presence but it still doesn’t feel good to have such a lowly amount.

I agree completely. And surely we can all agree that some sort of gift, at some point, is an insult/signal of their feelings. Like some cups from Dollar Tree? Sure sounds like whatever this gift was, it was leaning toward that category.

OP indicated she doesn’t actually like these people. So, why get bent out of shape over an obligatory invite? It’s childish. Reading what OP has to say, I’m wondering if she is a young bride.

I doubt it, since she dropped $300 on them 10 years ago for their wedding.

Hold up… is this a second wedding?

No it is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$100/pp wedding sounds pretty cheap to me.

Sounded cheap to me as well. Maybe they held down the price to be able to invite more people and increase their gift yield.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$100/pp wedding sounds pretty cheap to me.

Sounded cheap to me as well. Maybe they held down the price to be able to invite more people and increase their gift yield.

It’s why I asked if there wasn’t a dinner. Something is off with that number…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a family member gives a low dollar wedding gift (say under $40 for a couple) for a $100/person wedding, do you think they are signaling they don’t like you or think very much of you or the relationship, they’re cheap, or just clueless? They’re not poor. Of course I will be gracious to them but do I back off any relationship with them in the future?

How much did they spend to be at the wedding?

OP here. It’s a local wedding so they have no travel expenses. They have family watching their kids so no expense there. We gave them $300 for their wedding over 10 years ago. Our wedding is no more fancy than theirs was. I wasn’t expecting to recoup dollar for dollar and I don’t view the wedding as a gift grab. It’s just that the amount they spent is what we have spent on a birthday present for their kid. We are closely related, but not “close” if that makes any sense. There was no falling out or anything like that. Just different interests and life circumstances. This gift makes me think they don’t want to keep up the charade.

How do you know how much their gift cost? Are you complaining because someone chose something from your registry — in the belief that they were picking something that you would actually like?

Seriously, I don’t know any of you, but since you view this as “a charade” — why exactly did you invite them to your wedding in the first place?

Responded above that it was obligatory based on a close family tie. Matriarch would have been offended if they weren’t invited.

Ok, so at least the Matriarch should be pleased with their presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$100/pp wedding sounds pretty cheap to me.

Sounded cheap to me as well. Maybe they held down the price to be able to invite more people and increase their gift yield.

It’s why I asked if there wasn’t a dinner. Something is off with that number…

$100/pp is the catering cost. Doesn’t include the fixed expenses like venue, photographer, music, etc. Guests will have cocktail hour with appetizers, and a sit down dinner. Again, I am not expecting that each guest pay their way. This wedding was paid for by savings and we are not hurting for money in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$100/pp wedding sounds pretty cheap to me.

Sounded cheap to me as well. Maybe they held down the price to be able to invite more people and increase their gift yield.

It’s why I asked if there wasn’t a dinner. Something is off with that number…

$100/pp is the catering cost. Doesn’t include the fixed expenses like venue, photographer, music, etc. Guests will have cocktail hour with appetizers, and a sit down dinner. Again, I am not expecting that each guest pay their way. This wedding was paid for by savings and we are not hurting for money in any way.

You really do count beans. Given the tab in your head, I can’t see how you are deriving any true joy from this event. If you can’t let go of the cost, you can’t afford to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a family member gives a low dollar wedding gift (say under $40 for a couple) for a $100/person wedding, do you think they are signaling they don’t like you or think very much of you or the relationship, they’re cheap, or just clueless? They’re not poor. Of course I will be gracious to them but do I back off any relationship with them in the future?

Why would you do this? So money equals love, therefore if they don't give you much money, they must not love you very much? Maybe they're not "signaling" anything. Move on with your marriage and don't give it anymore thought.

+1. I cringed when I read the OP. A wedding is not bartering: I give you a $100/pp meal, you give me a gift in kind…You are hosting an event. Do you leave out a tip jar at a dinner party you host so your guests can make up the difference between what their bottle of wine cost and what you spent on the meal?

This. The "pay for your plate" concept is horrid.

Throw a pricey party if you want to, but don't expect to recoup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s an anonymous forum, I admit I would think less of someone who gave me a $40 gift too. I know I am prone to bean counting, and of course ‘know’ that the greatest gift is their presence but it still doesn’t feel good to have such a lowly amount.

It doesn't feel good?

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$100/pp wedding sounds pretty cheap to me.

Sounded cheap to me as well. Maybe they held down the price to be able to invite more people and increase their gift yield.

It’s why I asked if there wasn’t a dinner. Something is off with that number…

$100/pp is the catering cost. Doesn’t include the fixed expenses like venue, photographer, music, etc. Guests will have cocktail hour with appetizers, and a sit down dinner. Again, I am not expecting that each guest pay their way. This wedding was paid for by savings and we are not hurting for money in any way.

Charming!

[Anonymous]

Given the volume of objections in this thread I’m starting to think you’re all a bunch of grinch givers.

[Anonymous]

I'd be grateful they were thoughtful enough to send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the volume of objections in this thread I’m starting to think you’re all a bunch of grinch givers.

Plenty of us give generously, but most are adult enough to get over this petty score keeping.