I am choosing not to breastfeed.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all of the responses.

I particularly appreciate those who say to give the colostrum a try. I was thinking about doing this. I could just "give it a go" but not go so far as to pump or push it if I run into any problems, and introduce formula for some feedings. It is possible I might go that far, depending on how I feel right after the baby is born.

Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Keep an open mind, OP. I've heard that BFing is a lot easier and a different experience with #2 (better supply, mother more relaxed, etc.).

If it doesn't work out for whatever reason (physical, emotional, psychological), then stop.

[Anonymous]

why are you looking for validation here? if this is a decision you have made that is best for you and your family- who cares what random, annoymous strangers think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses.

I particularly appreciate those who say to give the colostrum a try. I was thinking about doing this. I could just "give it a go" but not go so far as to pump or push it if I run into any problems, and introduce formula for some feedings. It is possible I might go that far, depending on how I feel right after the baby is born.

Thanks again.

Go for it! You don't have to make an all-or-nothing choice, unless you WANT to. Do what you feel will be best for your family - your baby, you, your family as a whole. You may find out that nursing this time around is different, better, or possibly worse - in which case formula feeding is certainly available and ready as soon as you want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am insecure about it. Absolutely. I've wrestled with the decision for months. And the reason I am posting is to find out if anyone else has made a similar choice.

It is very rare on this board to hear about someone making the choice not to BF. People most often say they had supply issues, were unable to BF etc. I'm sure this is true in most cases. I'm curious if there are instances in which people do make the same choice I am making and feel insecure saying it.

I breastfed but many of my colleagues and my sister and my sister in law did not breastfeed and all of them had some "excuse" but the real truth was that they just did not want to. I found it a little annoying that they just made excuses, especially annoying was my sister who has told me several different versions of why she stopped. I really don't care what anyone else feeds their baby as long as they are feeding their baby! But I did hate listening to the silly and dishonest excuses: I don't judge people and I felt a little hurt at times that people made excuses with me as if I would judge them, or maybe they were insecure in their decisions - I don't know, but it doesn't matter to me, all have happy healthy babies. One friend genuinely could not - she just did not actually produce any milk and she cried over it - turns out some of the placenta was still there - it was very telling the difference in behaviors. So OP, you are being very honest and I find your honesty to be very refreshing and I respect you greatly for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses.

I particularly appreciate those who say to give the colostrum a try. I was thinking about doing this. I could just "give it a go" but not go so far as to pump or push it if I run into any problems, and introduce formula for some feedings. It is possible I might go that far, depending on how I feel right after the baby is born.

Thanks again.

As I sit here pumping for the sixth time today, I will tell you that this was my attitude before my second DC was born. I had so much trouble breastfeeding my first, and I spent so much time feeling like a failure to my baby, that I told myself I'd take a more relaxed attitude with #2 and just "give it a go." But, for me, there's something so endearing about nursing that "giving it a go" turned into the same crazy --hospital pump, LC, herbs, tea, oatmeal-- fiasco it did the last time. Maybe it's the hormones? I don't know. I think you should try, I'm just warning you that, as you allude to, you never know how you'll feel when the baby is born.

My first was supplemented until 3.5 months when I went back to work and my supply dropped almost completely. This one gets mostly breastmilk, but from a bottle. She's only patient enough to nurse first thing in the morning. I hate pumping. When I'm not pumping, I'm worried about how I'll make sure she and my older child are settled so I can pump the next time. Sometimes when my toddler is plunked in front of the TV and my baby is fussing in her bouncy seat instead of being held, I wonder how the hell this is better for my baby than just giving her well-balanced formula. I plan to stop around the same time I stopped with my first. I remember it being hard when I weaned my first, but only for a couple weeks.

I completely support your decision to do whatever works for you. Most people won't have a clue how you feed your baby and most people won't really care. Before I was pregnant, I had no idea how much pressure there was to breastfeed and that formula feeding could make you feel like a black sheep. Isn't it a shame that the people who judge are other mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is my story, take from it what you will.
I EBF one of my DDs for 3 months and it totally ruined my life and hers for those three months. She didn't get the love and attention from her mother as a newborn because I was so freaking tired, worried about nipple confusion from pacifiers and was determined formula feeding would make me a failure. Plus, I was constantly dealing with blood running down my chest. I was more concerned about BFing the child than loving her because I bought the propaganda that only BFing mothers love their children. It threw me into life threatening depression. Finally, I gave up and weaned her. I mean, what the hell was I thinking for those three months? I could have been enjoying my baby.
Fast forward to the birth of my second DD three years later and I refused to consider BFing. Until the nurse said right after she was born, "do you want to try to get her to latch on?" Sure, I tried it, it worked, and we ended up with a very loving and bonding BFing experience minus all the pressure for over a year.
OP, just take the pressure off yourself. Let mothering be what is best for you and your children--for a lifetime. If you know you are doing what is best for your mental health and your child, there is no reason for guilt.

I had a similar experience. My DD would not nurse, so I pumped for her 8 freaking times a day for 6 months. I spent more time attached to the damn pump than playing with her. I, too, drank the same Kool Aid as the PP and believed that only BF moms love their kids. I was also embarrassed to give her a bottle in public because I thought people would think it was formula and that I was a failure.

I finally had it at 6 months and stopped.

She was so much happier on formula (finally started sleeping through the night) and I was also much happier.

She is 5 and healthy as can be. Sweet as can be, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am insecure about it. Absolutely. I've wrestled with the decision for months. And the reason I am posting is to find out if anyone else has made a similar choice.

It is very rare on this board to hear about someone making the choice not to BF. People most often say they had supply issues, were unable to BF etc. I'm sure this is true in most cases. I'm curious if there are instances in which people do make the same choice I am making and feel insecure saying it.

I breastfed but many of my colleagues and my sister and my sister in law did not breastfeed and all of them had some "excuse" but the real truth was that they just did not want to. I found it a little annoying that they just made excuses, especially annoying was my sister who has told me several different versions of why she stopped. I really don't care what anyone else feeds their baby as long as they are feeding their baby! But I did hate listening to the silly and dishonest excuses: I don't judge people and I felt a little hurt at times that people made excuses with me as if I would judge them, or maybe they were insecure in their decisions - I don't know, but it doesn't matter to me, all have happy healthy babies. One friend genuinely could not - she just did not actually produce any milk and she cried over it - turns out some of the placenta was still there - it was very telling the difference in behaviors. So OP, you are being very honest and I find your honesty to be very refreshing and I respect you greatly for that.

Get over yourself -- you don't get to decide how valid other people's "excuses" for breastfeeding are. Of course they thought you would judge them, and they were right.

[Anonymous]

"I breastfed but many of my colleagues and my sister and my sister in law did not breastfeed and all of them had some "excuse" but the real truth was that they just did not want to. I found it a little annoying that they just made excuses, especially annoying was my sister who has told me several different versions of why she stopped. I really don't care what anyone else feeds their baby as long as they are feeding their baby! But I did hate listening to the silly and dishonest excuses: I don't judge people and I felt a little hurt at times that people made excuses with me as if I would judge them, or maybe they were insecure in their decisions - I don't know, but it doesn't matter to me, all have happy healthy babies. One friend genuinely could not - she just did not actually produce any milk and she cried over it - turns out some of the placenta was still there - it was very telling the difference in behaviors. So OP, you are being very honest and I find your honesty to be very refreshing and I respect you greatly for that. "

I understand what she is saying. I don't care either whether someone BFs or not nor do I need to understand their thought process on why they did or didn't. IMO the weather is a perfectly fine conversation piece, no need to go further into more personal details of your life.

My SIL, the ultimate authority on all things in mommydom, asked me what formula we were using and I told her we hadn't tried any yet. Her response was I only BF for 3 weeks because that is all you need to do for immunity. She went on about how she didn't want to be tethered to the baby and formula is just as nutrious. She next switched gears and told me she was sending me a link to an article about a nanny abusing a child. The article might give me some tips on early warning signs in case my nanny was an ax murderer.

[Anonymous]

I planned not to with #2, because I HATED every moment of breastfeeding with #1.

Then I found out #2 had a severe milk protein allergy, and the only formula he could tolerate cost us $500 per month.

Suddenly, BFing wasn't so bad. We did it for 11 months. I never, ever, EVER would have predicted I'd do that.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine decided she did not want to BF, and didn't. Doesn't care what others think. I respect her for making the choice that works for her and her family. Wishing your family the best, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no one is talking about the amount of money that could be saved by at least trying for a couple of months....

Between the nursing bras and pads, the pump, the storage bags, the lactation consultant fees, the ointments and other meds, and the fancy breastfeeding pillow that everyone said I had to have, PLUS having to supplement once I returned to work, I'm not convinced I saw much of a savings. I did BF for 15 months, and quite enjoyed it after the first two months of pain and frustration, but I'm not convinced by the money argument anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no one is talking about the amount of money that could be saved by at least trying for a couple of months....

Between the nursing bras and pads, the pump, the storage bags, the lactation consultant fees, the ointments and other meds, and the fancy breastfeeding pillow that everyone said I had to have, PLUS having to supplement once I returned to work, I'm not convinced I saw much of a savings. I did BF for 15 months, and quite enjoyed it after the first two months of pain and frustration, but I'm not convinced by the money argument anymore.

I completely agree.

I never really got the "it's so much more convenient" argument either. My children drank room temp formula so fill a bottle with water, add a few scoops, shake and done. And the dishwasher took care of cleaning. Wasn't like I had to haul water from the river and boil the bottles! When I was nursing I had to make sure I had clean nursing bras available, those horrid, tell-all nursing bra pads, and time everything so I was totally available when baby was hungry.

[Anonymous]

I never breastfed my first because I didn't want to. I found the entire idea of it disgusting (not for everyone, just for me actually doing it). I remembered my sister talking about her son playing with her other boob and biting her nipple and I couldn't do it. I watched my husband give our daughter her first bottle and it was a beautiful experience for both of us. I think you need to do what's best. It's supposed to be a bonding experience. If you are uncomfortable, you won't be bonded like you would if you were relaxed and happy feeding your child. I realize that breast is best, but bottle is okay too.

[Anonymous]

I think it is totally fine if you do not breastfeed. However, I should add that it gets a LOT easier the 2nd time around. Plus, breastfeeding helped take the pounds off after being preggo