I am choosing not to breastfeed.

[Anonymous]

I have a close friend with 4 kids who breastfed none of them. Not even attempted. She did not want to, and made the choice from day 1 to formula feed.

And FTR, her 2 oldest make straight A's in school and are healthy, good kids. The 2 youngest aren't in school yet, but are also healthy.

OP, do what's right for you, and don't be insecure about it. It's a perfectly valid choice.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is just posting for support. In today's "breast is best" society it's hard to flat out make the decision that you don't want to breastfeed and perhaps she just wants to hear from others who made that choice. I don't know that it makes her insecure, though I will say that for those of us who aren't/didn't breastfeed, it's hard not to feel insecure about it - again, with societal expectations and all.

OP, I essentially didn't breastfeed either of my children. Tried with my first and had a lot of trouble, went to see lactation consultants, needed to start supplementing with formula, etc. The baby just did not like latching. I know that I could have preserved more to force it to work, but I just wasn't up for it. I wouldn't have been doing it because I was enjoying it, I was doing it because I felt like it was the right thing to do. I pumped for about six weeks, switched to formula got over the guilt and never looked back. When I got pregnant with #2 last year, I really debated what to do but again, felt I "owed" it to the baby to give it a shot again. Had issues all over again and it quickly became tedious and always painful. So, I essentially did the same thing as with #1 - pumped for a while and then switched over. DC #2 is only six months old right now, but I will say that DC #1 is four and is extremely healthy. (Knock on wood.) He vomited once when he was a baby and that's the only time he's ever done that. He gets the sniffles, of course, but it rarely slows him down. We haven't been to the doctor for a sick visit in well over a year. A couple of months ago he woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible sounding cough and I didn't even know what to do because I admittedly have so little experience with a sick child. I thought it was croup but by noon the next day he was fine. Meanwhile, I see evidence all the time of kids who were breastfed who are constantly at the doctor or home sick for something. They are certainly no healthier than my kid/kids. So, I have a hard time believe in the blanket belief that your child will be healthier if they are breastfed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am insecure about it. Absolutely. I've wrestled with the decision for months. And the reason I am posting is to find out if anyone else has made a similar choice.

It is very rare on this board to hear about someone making the choice not to BF. People most often say they had supply issues, were unable to BF etc. I'm sure this is true in most cases. I'm curious if there are instances in which people do make the same choice I am making and feel insecure saying it.

OP, I'm what most people would consider a "lactivist." My view: If mama doesn't want to / thinks she cannot / feels overwhelmed / backed into a corner, etc, then by all means, don't do it! I wonder, if you say you've wrestled with the decision for months, if you would consider giving the baby a bit of colostrum. If you don't want to start the baby out at the breast and make it harder to stop (which I can understand) perhaps you might consider pumping it out? That stuff is pretty miraculous and it's only a few days. It's unfortunate that breastfeeding advice and support has evolved into a battlefield -- sometimes I think the steps taken by "our side" have probably added pressure to a situation that ultimately might detract from the goal of increasing breastfeeding. I get particularly annoyed when friends of mine, also "lactivists" put on the "it's not YOUR fault, mama, you were failed by the system," as if a mom can't personally take ownership of her decisions. (That's not to deny that there ARE many women who would have been able to breastfeed but were indeed failed by having to go back to work too soon, poor advice, etc, but you get my point). Anyway, my advice to you is: you've agonized and made the best decision for you. When you are questioned about it, (and god knows you will be) take ownership of the decision. Whether you choose to get into details about it and justify the decision or just simply tell people "it was not for me -- end of discussion" (which is what I would do in your shoes), you should have a planned response for inquiries. That way you'll never be caught off guard by scrutiny. Those of us who DO breastfeed and think it is important should understand your position better than we do.

Anyway, again, if there is any way you would consider giving your child some colustrum, that might make a difference. Please forgive me if this advice has made you feel bad, but I wanted to throw it out there as a much shorter-scaled but still valuable way to get your child some nutrients to start things off on the best foot.

[Anonymous]

I didn't breastfeed. I didn't want to. I have two very healthy children who are bonded to me.

I support your choice. I also think it is normal to feel conflicted and guilty about your choice.

[Anonymous]

who cares- you are the mom-
why worry abut anyone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who cares- you are the mom-
why worry abut anyone else

She's not "worried" about anyone else. She would like some support, which is one point of these boards!

OP, I did and am breastfeeding but I don't love it all the time. And I hated pumping. Your child will be fine and so will you. Good luck with your new one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
At the very least, you could give your newborn some colostrum.

Agree with this. You could compromise.

I agree with this too. The colostrum actually provides a lining for the gut that will last a lifetime. Other than that, who the F cares, you do what is right for you.

[Anonymous]

Here is my story, take from it what you will.
I EBF one of my DDs for 3 months and it totally ruined my life and hers for those three months. She didn't get the love and attention from her mother as a newborn because I was so freaking tired, worried about nipple confusion from pacifiers and was determined formula feeding would make me a failure. Plus, I was constantly dealing with blood running down my chest. I was more concerned about BFing the child than loving her because I bought the propaganda that only BFing mothers love their children. It threw me into life threatening depression. Finally, I gave up and weaned her. I mean, what the hell was I thinking for those three months? I could have been enjoying my baby.
Fast forward to the birth of my second DD three years later and I refused to consider BFing. Until the nurse said right after she was born, "do you want to try to get her to latch on?" Sure, I tried it, it worked, and we ended up with a very loving and bonding BFing experience minus all the pressure for over a year.
OP, just take the pressure off yourself. Let mothering be what is best for you and your children--for a lifetime. If you know you are doing what is best for your mental health and your child, there is no reason for guilt.

[Anonymous]

You are the bravest woman in the world for posting this!

I had a horrible time with my first child and really feel like I missed out on the first two weeks of his life due to always trying to breastfeed (which resulted in failure, and me hating myself due to the failure). So I do wonder, if I had a second child, if I would even try (as the problem had a lot to do with my physical problems). It would certainly be tempting to just not try. Then I could just enjoy the little bundle of joy.

[Anonymous]

Didn't breastfeed the first, didn't breastfeed the second and I have two healthy, happy, smart kids. Who cares if you breastfeed or not. I do understand it's a big decision for you but in the grand scheme of life...not such a big deal.

[Anonymous]

I didn't necessarily make the choice not to breast-feed - my non-producing boobs did that. I tried 4-6 times a day for a week and gave up. (the LC backed me up - she thought my chances were slim.) But odds are good that even if my boobs had worked properly, I would have weaned at 5-6 weeks before my daughter went to daycare. At my peak, I was producing less than 4 oz a day and it was time-consuming, painful and stressful at a time when I was already over-busy, in pain and stressed. So I gave it up without any guilt. I don't beat myself up for other things my body can't do (I can no longer run marathons and I can't do a cartwheel) so I followed the same rule with BF. Frankly, I'd never really wanted to BF anyway - the idea has always weirded me out a little. I would have done it for my daughter, but it didn't work out, so no harm no foul.

My daughter took to formula right away, and we still got the same bonding opportunities - mealtime was a very special time for us. And my ex got to share in the bonding by doing feedings right away too. My daughter's grown well and she's healthy. And going to daycare was less of a transition because she'd never really known the breast, just the bottle.

I have several friends who tried and gave up quickly or never tried at all. I also have friends who breast-fed for six months to a year even though they HATED it. I just think that's goofy. Motherhood is hard enough. Do what works for you. That said, my advice is that if potentially judgmental people ask why you're not breast-feeding, don't admit that you didn't want to. Say you weren't able to do so. I got criticized really harshly by one friend (who has large boobs anyway, that got way bigger, but her son is teeny tiny less-than-30th %ile in weight) and it annoyed the hell out of me. She implied that I couldn't BF because i didn't want it badly enough. Whatev.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
At the very least, you could give your newborn some colostrum.

Agree with this. You could compromise.

I second this. I only nursed my second child for three weeks just to give him the colostrum. Who knows if it really makes a difference but it seemed logical - prepping the baby's stomach and intestines.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of this 'societal pressure' stuff really depends on where you live... of the 9 pregnant women I knew of a few years ago (myself included), I was the only one that chose to FF. On the other hand, my best friend (lives in the midwest) was the only one of all her friends that chose to BF and everyone thought it was really strange of her... I grew up in the midwest and really had no knowledge of anyone BFing, which may have contributed to my decision FF. This time around with #2, I am going to give BFing a go.

...just a different side of the story, I think.

[Anonymous]

Moms need to be emotionally happy and physically healthy to be their best self for their child. Having a newborn is very difficult. Our society gives very little support to parents of newborns. If nursing is not your choice (or you have a physical inability to nurse), you just need to make sure your child gets the cuddling skin-to-skin contact and the best formula for your child’s individual nutritional needs. Best of luck.

For those who would say hurtful things. Take a moment to reflect. Do you walk in this woman's shoes? Sounds like she knows the research and is exercising a choice. Saying hurtful things here only truly harms yourself. The habits of rage and disrespect seep into the real world - we are not two people. The things we say here - the repect we show others (or lack thereof) make up a part of who we are as individiuals. So, when you feel the instinct to attack someone here - perhaps instead walk away from the screen and do something kind for another human being out in the real world. Anger just begets anger. We all need to model the behavior here that we seek to receive and give in the world – web or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[b]I didn't necessarily make the choice not to breast-feed - my non-producing boobs did that. I tried 4-6 times a day for a week and gave up. [/b.

You would never produce enough with that frequency of nursing. You really need to nurse 10-12 times per day in order to establish a good supply. I am surprised your LC didn't explain that to you or maybe she thought you really weren't committed so there was no point in telling you differently. If you supplement early on you are going to run into all sorts of supply issues, like you did, and it's not the fault of your body.