How many times before something is a tradition?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

Sometimes people twist themselves into a pretzel to see both sides.

It's not that hard actually. OP started a post seeming to want to understand "What is a tradition" and then later lets on that SIL is nutso. Why not just start there? Does she really need to know how many years makes something a tradition? Bizarre.

I am not asking what to do with SIL. Regardless of whether I was in the wrong, her behavior clearly was. But there are other family members I care about, and I am wondering if it was unfair to them to not host and not notify them till recently that I wasn’t.

How close to thanksgiving were you actually waiting to tell them? Do you really think it was crazy that they might expect to come to you for the 3rd year in a row? SIL isn’t a mind reader. When you made the plans with your parents you probably should have told her since you used to be close. Close enough to have an intimate Thanksgiving.

It took a while for me to finalize the plans, because we were waiting on DH’s schedule, and to make sure his parents were set. I mentioned multiple times that I wasn’t sure if we were hosting at all and if we did whether it would be on the actual day. We finalized on Friday and DH told her on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

Sometimes people twist themselves into a pretzel to see both sides.

It's not that hard actually. OP started a post seeming to want to understand "What is a tradition" and then later lets on that SIL is nutso. Why not just start there? Does she really need to know how many years makes something a tradition? Bizarre.

I am not asking what to do with SIL. Regardless of whether I was in the wrong, her behavior clearly was. But there are other family members I care about, and I am wondering if it was unfair to them to not host and not notify them till recently that I wasn’t.

How close to thanksgiving were you actually waiting to tell them? Do you really think it was crazy that they might expect to come to you for the 3rd year in a row? SIL isn’t a mind reader. When you made the plans with your parents you probably should have told her since you used to be close. Close enough to have an intimate Thanksgiving.

It took a while for me to finalize the plans, because we were waiting on DH’s schedule, and to make sure his parents were set. I mentioned multiple times that I wasn’t sure if we were hosting at all and if we did whether it would be on the actual day. We finalized on Friday and DH told her on Sunday.

Still sounds like a SIL problem and not confusion over what’s a tradition.