How many times before something is a tradition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

Exaclty. Why is it 'SIL is pissed' instead of 'SIL is disappointed?'. Unless I spoke to her directly and she talked to me angrily, my assumption would be that she was disappointed, and I'd take that as a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

Exaclty. Why is it 'SIL is pissed' instead of 'SIL is disappointed?'. Unless I spoke to her directly and she talked to me angrily, my assumption would be that she was disappointed, and I'd take that as a compliment.

So, if your sister in law spoke to you you'd know whether she was pissed or disappointed, but since it's my sister in law who spoke to me, you assume I can't tell the difference? Of course I know how she spoke to me.

-- OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not ok if your SIL is having a tantrum about not having Thanksgiving with you. That said, can you try to be understanding of her perspective? She clearly enjoyed celebrating this holiday with you and your family and is understandably disappointed that this will not happen this year. From your wording that you are going to have "actual Thanksgiving" this year, clearly the last two years of get-togethers were not meaningful to you but perphaps be charitable to someone for whom it was.

No, sweetie. SIL clearly enjoyed:

1) Not having to clean and decorate
2) Not having to buy tons of groceries
3) Not having to cook
4) Not having to bake
5) Sitting around and being a guest, not a host

+1

I dream of the day I can show up with a pecan pie and a bottle of wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is from a big family. Traditionally the family hasn’t been together on Thanksgiving, everyone has gone to their in-laws, but the last two years due to covid we have hosted his sister and her family.

This year, I am taking my kids to my mom’s for actual Thanksgiving.

His sister is pissed. Apparently it is “tradition” that I host for them and her kids are devastated that I am not.

Two years is not a tradition right?

Some people could call it tradition but, I don't see the purpose either way. Just say maybe another time and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you were expecting her to reciprocate with an invitation this year and since she didn’t you made other plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

Sometimes people twist themselves into a pretzel to see both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

Sometimes people twist themselves into a pretzel to see both sides.

It's not that hard actually. OP started a post seeming to want to understand "What is a tradition" and then later lets on that SIL is nutso. Why not just start there? Does she really need to know how many years makes something a tradition? Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

Why on earth are you attacking the op given the response her sil gave her? I've hosted for years, got fed up, and we travelled at Thanksgiving. If this had been anyone's response to our holiday plans, I'd be angry too. Sil is an entitled ass and I have seen to much of this lately to tolerate it. I wouldn't speak to her until I heard a sincere apology. How rude and manipulative she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

You're funny. It's great to be so positive but when it flies in the face of reality, it's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

Sometimes people twist themselves into a pretzel to see both sides.

It's not that hard actually. OP started a post seeming to want to understand "What is a tradition" and then later lets on that SIL is nutso. Why not just start there? Does she really need to know how many years makes something a tradition? Bizarre.

I am not asking what to do with SIL. Regardless of whether I was in the wrong, her behavior clearly was. But there are other family members I care about, and I am wondering if it was unfair to them to not host and not notify them till recently that I wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Did SIL say to you directly that she is pissed?

No she said something more along the lines of "WTF (without using the acronym) is wrong with you? How dare you . . . . You can't just destroy a beloved family tradition! You have an obligation to this family . . . . " She may have said more, but I blocked her so I don't know. Then she told her kids that there would be no Thanksgiving this year and they should call their cousins (my kids) and ask them why. There were also other comments, but those were made to other people.

I'm pretty sure I read the tone correctly.

Clearly, she is a wackadoodle. I would just make my hsuband deal with her and have no contact other than at large family events where you both have to attend.

I dunno. OP seems like she's a little off, too. We're only getting her side of the story and she definitely doesn't seem like she's got a full deck up there.

Sometimes people twist themselves into a pretzel to see both sides.

It's not that hard actually. OP started a post seeming to want to understand "What is a tradition" and then later lets on that SIL is nutso. Why not just start there? Does she really need to know how many years makes something a tradition? Bizarre.

I am not asking what to do with SIL. Regardless of whether I was in the wrong, her behavior clearly was. But there are other family members I care about, and I am wondering if it was unfair to them to not host and not notify them till recently that I wasn’t.

How close to thanksgiving were you actually waiting to tell them? Do you really think it was crazy that they might expect to come to you for the 3rd year in a row? SIL isn’t a mind reader. When you made the plans with your parents you probably should have told her since you used to be close. Close enough to have an intimate Thanksgiving.