How many times before something is a tradition?

[Anonymous]

Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

Yes, this. It's great everyone enjoyed having Thanksgiving at your house. You're likely a good hostess and a fun aunt. If you're up for it, maybe invite them over for cookies and to help decorate the Christmas tree or something like that. But you're under no obligation.

Enjoy spending time with your mom. SIL can sort out her own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop focusing on the word. The semantics don’t matter.

She and her family enjoyed coming to Thanksgiving at your house. It’s a COMPLIMENT. You are apparently an excellent host and good company, and they’d love to do it again.

You certainly are not required to. You should feel free to do what’s best for your family, and if that’s going elsewhere, great. But don’t respond with an argument about language! Try:

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed Thanksgiving here! We loved having you! However, we are heading to my side if the family this year. So sorry to disappoint! We look forward to seeing you at <insert next event here>.”

This. 100 percent this.

[Anonymous]

If she’s “pissed” maybe it’s because she’s hurt and disappointed. Maybe for her it was a new tradition. It’s ok if she’s disappointed, but at least dig for a little more empathy. Unless there’s more to the story and you don’t like her for other reasons?

[Anonymous]

SIL is inviting herself over for Thanksgiving?

That's pretty much what this "tradition" is, not even that she is hosting you (doing all the work) and is disappointed you can't come.

It's okay to reply kindly that you need to do something different this year. Ignore her poutiness, with kindness. Maybe do something together during the holiday season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s “pissed” maybe it’s because she’s hurt and disappointed. Maybe for her it was a new tradition. It’s ok if she’s disappointed, but at least dig for a little more empathy. Unless there’s more to the story and you don’t like her for other reasons?

But if you do that, you can't be outraged and cast aspersions on SIL! And what's the fun, if you can't ascribe the worst possible motives to people (instead of taking the compliment)?

[Anonymous]

Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disappointed would be ok, but being pissed about it is over the line. You do not owe her a Thanksgiving celebration. She is crazy.

LOL. The SIL isn't crazy. The OP is being a prig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

That was my reaction, too. Some really unhappy people looking to be angry and offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s “pissed” maybe it’s because she’s hurt and disappointed. Maybe for her it was a new tradition. It’s ok if she’s disappointed, but at least dig for a little more empathy. Unless there’s more to the story and you don’t like her for other reasons?

Adults don’t get to vent at people because they feel disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

That was my reaction, too. Some really unhappy people looking to be angry and offended.

It seems like the tone of what SIL said was the problem. If she’s pissed (angry), it would be hard to consider what she is saying a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

That was my reaction, too. Some really unhappy people looking to be angry and offended.

It seems like the tone of what SIL said was the problem. If she’s pissed (angry), it would be hard to consider what she is saying a compliment.

It was the tone, the choice of words, to whom and how frequently she's chosen to express this to that is frustrating.

-- OP

(I'm also the PP above the one I quoted here. I forgot to sign it! Didn't mean to sock puppet).

[Anonymous]

Don't get sucked into this. My mother-in-law tries to make everything that she enjoys once a tradition and if you do it the second time around the same time of year it becomes said in stone.
COVID thank God broke all of those and now we have a nice reset. I was roped into four to five family reunions during the year, multiple large party type things. Because it's tradition and people will be disappointed. Now it's like sorry Karen, We didn't come last year and we're not coming next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

That was my reaction, too. Some really unhappy people looking to be angry and offended.

It seems like the tone of what SIL said was the problem. If she’s pissed (angry), it would be hard to consider what she is saying a compliment.

It was the tone, the choice of words, to whom and how frequently she's chosen to express this to that is frustrating.

-- OP

(I'm also the PP above the one I quoted here. I forgot to sign it! Didn't mean to sock puppet).

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you making this into an argument and not taking it as a compliment? I see it as high praise that she and her family enjoyed the experience at your home. Knock the chip off your shoulder. If you really, really, really can't find it in you to host again, then respond politely, "Larla, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the past two Thanksgivings at our house. That is high praise. But this year we are going to my Mom's like we used to before Covid."

Really, some of you seem set to antagonize, instigate and just be generally ornery without any reason.

That was my reaction, too. Some really unhappy people looking to be angry and offended.

It seems like the tone of what SIL said was the problem. If she’s pissed (angry), it would be hard to consider what she is saying a compliment.

It was the tone, the choice of words, to whom and how frequently she's chosen to express this to that is frustrating.

-- OP

(I'm also the PP above the one I quoted here. I forgot to sign it! Didn't mean to sock puppet).

So what? You're frustrated by her feelings, which is foolish. Take the compliment, ignore the complaints (especially if they aren't even directed at you).