Freshman worries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THIS is why you should not track your college student. Unnecessary worry will ensue. And to the person who said its a "young girl sleeping off campus"... its actually an adult I'd assume. Not a "young girl".

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but your college student is not going to be going to bed every night in her dorm at 10 PM after reading a book. She is going to be going out and gasp, she may even end up sleeping somewhere else.

My sophomore lives off campus and texts me when she is back home from being out. Well she texted me last night at 12:45 saying she was home and then this morning I woke up to an Uber receipt at 2 AM to another location. I was very angry and stressed until I spoke to her, (which was thankfully at 9 AM). She told me she was home alone because her roommate stayed at her boyfriends, and a friend invited her to come stay at their apartment so she Ubered over and stayed there.

SO. This is why it's best not to track every movement. They are adults and they will do things outside your house that you may not agree with, but if you have raised them right, it's time to let go and trust. I know it's hard, but you cannot control their lives anymore, and you should not. That will alienate your DD from you and ruin your relationship.

She texts you every night when she comes home. Wow! My daughter would freak out if I asked for that. That sounds like too much

[Anonymous]

I will just say that when I went to college and no longer had "rules" I spent a semester going wild with drinking, staying out late, making bad decisions. I got myself together, but I pretty much had to hit rock bottom then figure things out. Yes, I figured things out, but not every kid gets the opportunity to do so.

Not sure what the answer is, but for all you saying, Whaaat's the problem?, not everyone has that self control going off on their own for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Reading these posts make me feel better that I don’t track my high schooler at all. It doesn’t make sense and he will be in college soon enough. Some of the replies are crazy. I won’t want to know his whereabouts every second.

[Anonymous]

I was quite paranoid about each kid's first semester of freshman year. If I checked and their phone showed away from dorm after midnight, i would text and ask for safety but got relatively sane once they settled. They got annoyed but undersrood my anxiety so never got upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS is why you should not track your college student. Unnecessary worry will ensue. And to the person who said its a "young girl sleeping off campus"... its actually an adult I'd assume. Not a "young girl".

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but your college student is not going to be going to bed every night in her dorm at 10 PM after reading a book. She is going to be going out and gasp, she may even end up sleeping somewhere else.

My sophomore lives off campus and texts me when she is back home from being out. Well she texted me last night at 12:45 saying she was home and then this morning I woke up to an Uber receipt at 2 AM to another location. I was very angry and stressed until I spoke to her, (which was thankfully at 9 AM). She told me she was home alone because her roommate stayed at her boyfriends, and a friend invited her to come stay at their apartment so she Ubered over and stayed there.

SO. This is why it's best not to track every movement. They are adults and they will do things outside your house that you may not agree with, but if you have raised them right, it's time to let go and trust. I know it's hard, but you cannot control their lives anymore, and you should not. That will alienate your DD from you and ruin your relationship.

She texts you every night when she comes home. Wow! My daughter would freak out if I asked for that. That sounds like too much

for the last time, she does NOT text me when she comes home every night. Just on the nights she is out (so many 1-2 times per week) because she is not on campus and it's a safety concern. She wants me to know she is home safe. I do not force her to, she wants to.

[Anonymous]

You had 18 years to teach your child right from wrong. You no longer have any control. She will make whatever mistakes she makes as she’s an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THIS is why you should not track your college student. Unnecessary worry will ensue. And to the person who said its a "young girl sleeping off campus"... its actually an adult I'd assume. Not a "young girl".

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but your college student is not going to be going to bed every night in her dorm at 10 PM after reading a book. She is going to be going out and gasp, she may even end up sleeping somewhere else.

My sophomore lives off campus and texts me when she is back home from being out. Well she texted me last night at 12:45 saying she was home and then this morning I woke up to an Uber receipt at 2 AM to another location. I was very angry and stressed until I spoke to her, (which was thankfully at 9 AM). She told me she was home alone because her roommate stayed at her boyfriends, and a friend invited her to come stay at their apartment so she Ubered over and stayed there.

SO. This is why it's best not to track every movement. They are adults and they will do things outside your house that you may not agree with, but if you have raised them right, it's time to let go and trust. I know it's hard, but you cannot control their lives anymore, and you should not. That will alienate your DD from you and ruin your relationship.

So bizarre

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she wants to go, she can leave her phone in her room. There is no point in tracking for checking.

And, this is really what you don't want in terms of safety. So, maybe think of not tracking as the better insurance policy. You don't want her to go out with no means of calling for help should a situation arise.

I also suggested sharing your experiences and concerns, talking over safety expectations with her and showing trust on p2. Hope it works out for you both.

Also, not sure why people keep haranguing the mom whose kid checks in. That seems to be the kid's idea. I think that is awesome.

[Anonymous]

OP - you should not know this much about your daughter. Not normal. Not healthy.

[Anonymous]

texting mom and dad every night to let them know you are in bed? Tracking your kids’ phones to see where they are spending free time at college? This is pretty wild even for dcum level helicoptering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how things have changed. I went to college several states away, and there was no cell phone monitoring or even emailing. There was a call to/from parents MAYBE once a week.

This, and after awhile I talked to parents maybe every 4-6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine tracks her college kid all the time. I find it intrusive.

[Anonymous]

I don't track them but I can see some of what he's up to via the credit card transactions and venmo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:texting mom and dad every night to let them know you are in bed? Tracking your kids’ phones to see where they are spending free time at college? This is pretty wild even for dcum level helicoptering

I don't think anyone is doing the first. But, the latter seems to be an issue for some. It won't replace communication and trust.

[Anonymous]

I've tracking but i only track if there is a valid safety concern. Its for emergencies, not for entertainment or surveillance.