Freshman worries

[Anonymous]

Hi, my freshman DD has been unregulated in college. we don't check regularly but we saw recently that she was out of her dorm room the whole night in an apartment for off campus housing. said it was 'group' sleepover. we are so worried. it is just 2 months in to school. WWYD? Worried mom.

[Anonymous]

Why are you worried? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean she's unregulated? What's wrong with sleeping somewhere other than your dorm room? And why are you checking this?

[Anonymous]

How is it okay with a young girl sleeping out of campus with god knows who? As OP said, it is just 2 months into school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worried? Serious question.

Hi OP here. I am worried about underage alcohol, drugs, sexual assault. This is not an apartment with girls she is friendly with.

[Anonymous]

As long as shes going to class and doing her work, does it matter where she sleeps? Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe she found friends who live off campus.

[Anonymous]

Worried about what? Sometimes they don't stay in their dorms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worried? Serious question.

Hi OP here. I am worried about underage alcohol, drugs, sexual assault. This is not an apartment with girls she is friendly with.

How do you know this?

What about staying in the dorm makes her safe from booze, drugs, or assault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it okay with a young girl sleeping out of campus with god knows who? As OP said, it is just 2 months into school.

When you're all away from home and living with/among other people you get close fast. Did you not go away to college to have this experience? YOU don't know where the young woman slept. SHE knew and made the decision it was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worried? Serious question.

Hi OP here. I am worried about underage alcohol, drugs, sexual assault. This is not an apartment with girls she is friendly with.

How do you know she's not friendly with them? Maybe one of the girls in the apartment is in one of her classes and they've gotten lunch together two or three times a week after class for the last two months and she's met the other girls a couple of times. You either trust your DD to make good decisions, in which case you let her go off to college. Or you don't trust her, and keep her locked in your house forever.

[Anonymous]

I would not be monitoring this. Am assuming you are tracking on her phone or something? I can't even imagine how that conversation would go and would be worried you'd be alienating her

[Anonymous]

THIS is why you should not track your college student. Unnecessary worry will ensue. And to the person who said its a "young girl sleeping off campus"... its actually an adult I'd assume. Not a "young girl".

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but your college student is not going to be going to bed every night in her dorm at 10 PM after reading a book. She is going to be going out and gasp, she may even end up sleeping somewhere else.

My sophomore lives off campus and texts me when she is back home from being out. Well she texted me last night at 12:45 saying she was home and then this morning I woke up to an Uber receipt at 2 AM to another location. I was very angry and stressed until I spoke to her, (which was thankfully at 9 AM). She told me she was home alone because her roommate stayed at her boyfriends, and a friend invited her to come stay at their apartment so she Ubered over and stayed there.

SO. This is why it's best not to track every movement. They are adults and they will do things outside your house that you may not agree with, but if you have raised them right, it's time to let go and trust. I know it's hard, but you cannot control their lives anymore, and you should not. That will alienate your DD from you and ruin your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Interesting how things have changed. I went to college several states away, and there was no cell phone monitoring or even emailing. There was a call to/from parents MAYBE once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THIS is why you should not track your college student. Unnecessary worry will ensue. And to the person who said its a "young girl sleeping off campus"... its actually an adult I'd assume. Not a "young girl".

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but your college student is not going to be going to bed every night in her dorm at 10 PM after reading a book. She is going to be going out and gasp, she may even end up sleeping somewhere else.

My sophomore lives off campus and texts me when she is back home from being out. Well she texted me last night at 12:45 saying she was home and then this morning I woke up to an Uber receipt at 2 AM to another location. I was very angry and stressed until I spoke to her, (which was thankfully at 9 AM). She told me she was home alone because her roommate stayed at her boyfriends, and a friend invited her to come stay at their apartment so she Ubered over and stayed there.

SO. This is why it's best not to track every movement. They are adults and they will do things outside your house that you may not agree with, but if you have raised them right, it's time to let go and trust. I know it's hard, but you cannot control their lives anymore, and you should not. That will alienate your DD from you and ruin your relationship.

Umm, this is monitoring, too, if you are requiring a text every night upon return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how things have changed. I went to college several states away, and there was no cell phone monitoring or even emailing. There was a call to/from parents MAYBE once a week.

So true! I suppose I was a "young girl" two months into college and god knows what I was doing, but I definitely remember that my parents had NO idea what I was doing, where I was or who with.

I don't track my college kids. Not because I don't care about them or love them, but I would frankly be too consumed with constantly looking and seeing what they are doing and that is not healthy for anything.