Freshman worries

[Anonymous]

Me before checking college kids' phone: "Please let him be somewhere other than his dorm room for once, please!"

[Anonymous]

Like many others before us, we went to colleges that were not within driving distance and studied abroad for a year, traversing multiple countries and continents, nary a cell phone tracker to be had. Parents only knew what they were told.

I'm sure some risky behavior occurred, but I suppose our judgment was decent enough. Or maybe we were lucky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on a parent listserv for my kid's university. Last night there were 70 messages about a mom (lives in OH) who was freaking out because she saw her daughter was in Maryland when she should have been in VA. Turns out her daughter was at a concert in MD. Anyhow, the mom tracks her daughter on find my iphone and saw she wasn't all nestled in her dorm.

Parents! you need to cut the cord! Your kids need to learn how to adult on their own!

I saw that too. The mom didn’t realize Maryland and Virginia are close to each other. I was like, lady don’t admit that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me before checking college kids' phone: "Please let him be somewhere other than his dorm room for once, please!"

This is me as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me before checking college kids' phone: "Please let him be somewhere other than his dorm room for once, please!"

Why are you checking your kids whereabouts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me before checking college kids' phone: "Please let him be somewhere other than his dorm room for once, please!"

This is me as well!

Perhaps your constant monitoring is WHY your DC doesn't leave their room? Perhaps they are socially stunted or lack confidence? or perhaps, they leave their phone in their room when they go out because they don't want you to know what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

The kids should just turn the track my phone feature off. These helicopters are disgraceful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS is why you should not track your college student. Unnecessary worry will ensue. And to the person who said its a "young girl sleeping off campus"... its actually an adult I'd assume. Not a "young girl".

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but your college student is not going to be going to bed every night in her dorm at 10 PM after reading a book. She is going to be going out and gasp, she may even end up sleeping somewhere else.

My sophomore lives off campus and texts me when she is back home from being out. Well she texted me last night at 12:45 saying she was home and then this morning I woke up to an Uber receipt at 2 AM to another location. I was very angry and stressed until I spoke to her, (which was thankfully at 9 AM). She told me she was home alone because her roommate stayed at her boyfriends, and a friend invited her to come stay at their apartment so she Ubered over and stayed there.

SO. This is why it's best not to track every movement. They are adults and they will do things outside your house that you may not agree with, but if you have raised them right, it's time to let go and trust. I know it's hard, but you cannot control their lives anymore, and you should not. That will alienate your DD from you and ruin your relationship.

Umm, this is monitoring, too, if you are requiring a text every night upon return.

It would make me crazy to get a text when my freshman DD gets home -- I know she is out partying, staying out way too late, and drinking. Am I ok with this? Of course not. But as long as she is healthy, happy, and going to class, I don't want to know the particulars. For my own mental health, I have to set boundaries and this is one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me before checking college kids' phone: "Please let him be somewhere other than his dorm room for once, please!"

This is me as well!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my freshman DD has been unregulated in college. we don't check regularly but we saw recently that she was out of her dorm room the whole night in an apartment for off campus housing. said it was 'group' sleepover. we are so worried. it is just 2 months in to school. WWYD? Worried mom.

Ask her what she was doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my freshman DD has been unregulated in college. we don't check regularly but we saw recently that she was out of her dorm room the whole night in an apartment for off campus housing. said it was 'group' sleepover. we are so worried. it is just 2 months in to school. WWYD? Worried mom.

Ask her what she was doing?

Wild orgy I reckon

[Anonymous]

I've no solution but some tips.

If you've access to tracking, keep it for safety not for discipline or you'll lose it.

If she wants to sleep with someone, that could be done while living at home and attending daily commuting to local community college.

Make sure she can confide in you if needed, not feel scared of judgment or explosion. That may put emotional distance between you two and that's worse than physical distance.

You had 18 years to teach your values, now trust your training and respect her freedom to not become your clone and make her own good and bad decisions.

Every parent can understand your fears but you are dealing with another adult here, not a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my freshman DD has been unregulated in college. we don't check regularly but we saw recently that she was out of her dorm room the whole night in an apartment for off campus housing. said it was 'group' sleepover. we are so worried. it is just 2 months in to school. WWYD? Worried mom.

Ask her what she was doing?

She could be doing combined study or bong party, no way to know but to trust her judgment.

[Anonymous]

If she wants to go, she can leave her phone in her room. There is no point in tracking for checking.

[Anonymous]

What's important is for her to have her phone to call you or police or paramedics or a friend and for you to have tracking for emergencies.