Kid with sensory processing issue - can we apply to top private pre-K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3yo had similar issues in a "top" Montessori preschool and ended up getting counseled out (the school handled it horribly but it was during the first full school year of covid so I try to give them some grace)

We ended up enrolling him in a behavioral intervention and it was honestly the best thing we could have done. I think he might have actually been ok-ish at 4 in a play-based pre-school but the behavioral intervention preschool gave him such better mastery of his behavior and body. He is now absolutely excelling in K and only gets glowing reports from all the activities he does and is flexible with changes in routine, transitions etc.

We still did a neuropsych when he turned 5 and he was Dx with anxiety, executive function issues (but not adhd) and profoundly gifted

Going through the experience was awful and like you I worried that we were going to be screwed for K and beyond. But honestly we are now so so thankful for it because he's in such a better place due to the early intervention at preschool

OP Thanks! Were they also sensory seeking? Was Montessori too unstructured for them?

What kind of behavioral intervention did you do? ABA?

And what kind of preschool turned out supportive? What kinds of things did you look for?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3yo had similar issues in a "top" Montessori preschool and ended up getting counseled out (the school handled it horribly but it was during the first full school year of covid so I try to give them some grace)

We ended up enrolling him in a behavioral intervention and it was honestly the best thing we could have done. I think he might have actually been ok-ish at 4 in a play-based pre-school but the behavioral intervention preschool gave him such better mastery of his behavior and body. He is now absolutely excelling in K and only gets glowing reports from all the activities he does and is flexible with changes in routine, transitions etc.

We still did a neuropsych when he turned 5 and he was Dx with anxiety, executive function issues (but not adhd) and profoundly gifted

Going through the experience was awful and like you I worried that we were going to be screwed for K and beyond. But honestly we are now so so thankful for it because he's in such a better place due to the early intervention at preschool

OP

Also what kinds of additional testing did you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - I am also in nyc and kid at top preschool that went through elementary. Dc got eval age 2 at the request of the school and dx with ‘sensory issues and fine motor delay’. Had difficulty with transitions - no hitting. Dc is still in the school age 9. We did eventually get an adhd dx (our psych tells us that ‘sensory issues and fine motor delay’ are just them saying adhd before you are allowed to dx it). Being in a top private meant that we were essentially getting early intervention all day in many ways bc small class size and very experienced teachers who can flex to support kid. I would keep him there and work with the school by getting him a seit and ot. I wish there was a messaging feature or I’d say message me! Typically they counsel out if you won’t work with them or issues are severe but first they will hope to see improvement.

OP Thank you! So glad to hear they worked with you.

What kind of environment is it? How can I assess if they are willing to work with us without scaring them off during the application process? We are in a regular daycare for now. We wanted to apply for preK3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

OP

Thanks. He’s in a regular daycare now but we wanted to apply for PreK3 or K.

The issue is the school now is ok but they are not sophisticated in their approach to these issues.

A good school would likely have better teachers and staff who ate more sophisticated so I feel like he would receive more support.

It does not have to the very top but a good school who can afford to hire great teachers and staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3yo had similar issues in a "top" Montessori preschool and ended up getting counseled out (the school handled it horribly but it was during the first full school year of covid so I try to give them some grace)

We ended up enrolling him in a behavioral intervention and it was honestly the best thing we could have done. I think he might have actually been ok-ish at 4 in a play-based pre-school but the behavioral intervention preschool gave him such better mastery of his behavior and body. He is now absolutely excelling in K and only gets glowing reports from all the activities he does and is flexible with changes in routine, transitions etc.

We still did a neuropsych when he turned 5 and he was Dx with anxiety, executive function issues (but not adhd) and profoundly gifted

Going through the experience was awful and like you I worried that we were going to be screwed for K and beyond. But honestly we are now so so thankful for it because he's in such a better place due to the early intervention at preschool

OP Thanks! Were they also sensory seeking? Was Montessori too unstructured for them?

What kind of behavioral intervention did you do? ABA?

And what kind of preschool turned out supportive? What kinds of things did you look for?

Thank you!

OP, get your child to a developmental ped or at least child find for an evaluation. You don't do a neuropsych at that age. ABA is for kids with autism and insurance doesn't pay without a diagnosis.

We had a child with significant delays. What we found was a more structured program that had consistent routines and a schedule best over play based. Play based was terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

OP

Thanks. He’s in a regular daycare now but we wanted to apply for PreK3 or K.

The issue is the school now is ok but they are not sophisticated in their approach to these issues.

A good school would likely have better teachers and staff who ate more sophisticated so I feel like he would receive more support.

It does not have to the very top but a good school who can afford to hire great teachers and staff.

Most schools will not be great for the issues but you need to get the child evaluated and know exactly what is going on. Any OT you see will more than likely claim sensory processing so they can justify services. Sensory Processing is usually because of other issues or sometimes young kids just have quirks they outgrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3yo had similar issues in a "top" Montessori preschool and ended up getting counseled out (the school handled it horribly but it was during the first full school year of covid so I try to give them some grace)

We ended up enrolling him in a behavioral intervention and it was honestly the best thing we could have done. I think he might have actually been ok-ish at 4 in a play-based pre-school but the behavioral intervention preschool gave him such better mastery of his behavior and body. He is now absolutely excelling in K and only gets glowing reports from all the activities he does and is flexible with changes in routine, transitions etc.

We still did a neuropsych when he turned 5 and he was Dx with anxiety, executive function issues (but not adhd) and profoundly gifted

Going through the experience was awful and like you I worried that we were going to be screwed for K and beyond. But honestly we are now so so thankful for it because he's in such a better place due to the early intervention at preschool

OP Thanks! Were they also sensory seeking? Was Montessori too unstructured for them?

What kind of behavioral intervention did you do? ABA?

And what kind of preschool turned out supportive? What kinds of things did you look for?

Thank you!

OP, get your child to a developmental ped or at least child find for an evaluation. You don't do a neuropsych at that age. ABA is for kids with autism and insurance doesn't pay without a diagnosis.

We had a child with significant delays. What we found was a more structured program that had consistent routines and a schedule best over play based. Play based was terrible.

OP so if the program was not play based, what kinds of things did you look for to assess more structure?

We scheduled an ASD evaluation for January. This is the best we can do. Wait times are crazy in NYC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

OP

Thanks. He’s in a regular daycare now but we wanted to apply for PreK3 or K.

The issue is the school now is ok but they are not sophisticated in their approach to these issues.

A good school would likely have better teachers and staff who ate more sophisticated so I feel like he would receive more support.

It does not have to the very top but a good school who can afford to hire great teachers and staff.

Nope. Re-think that assumption, OP! The schools you perceive as "good" get and stay that way by rejecting or counseling out students who have these issues. So their teachers don't have to deal with it, and so that they don't have to provide support! It seems like you're looking to find a school with top test scores (or top something, dunno what) and just enough tolerance for special needs so that you can squeak in just over the acceptance line, but that kind of school *by definition* doesn't have a lot of students with special needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, what do you mean when you say "top" or "good"? Those things mean different things to different people. Are you chasing test scores? Prestige? A certain curriculum or style? A certain social community? Really think about this. I know it's hard to think honestly about these things, but nobody here can help you if you don't know what you want and why you want it.

I suggest you look for a school where your son's needs will be fully and enthusiastically met. Where the teachers have experience and training with special needs, and where he will be warmly welcomed with the school's eyes wide open to his issues whatever they may be. If you go down any other route than "best fit for my child", you'll be frantically paddling your legs under the water trying to make this work, constantly stressing about being counseled out and constantly wondering if the school is actually meeting his needs. Every behavioral incident will cause you major stress in a way that it wouldn't at a school where he's comfortably within their target population. It's not necessarily a good idea to get into a "stretch" school that your child only qualifies for because you've worked like crazy to make the perfect application and the interview day happened to be a good day for him. You need a school that works for him on all his days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3yo had similar issues in a "top" Montessori preschool and ended up getting counseled out (the school handled it horribly but it was during the first full school year of covid so I try to give them some grace)

We ended up enrolling him in a behavioral intervention and it was honestly the best thing we could have done. I think he might have actually been ok-ish at 4 in a play-based pre-school but the behavioral intervention preschool gave him such better mastery of his behavior and body. He is now absolutely excelling in K and only gets glowing reports from all the activities he does and is flexible with changes in routine, transitions etc.

We still did a neuropsych when he turned 5 and he was Dx with anxiety, executive function issues (but not adhd) and profoundly gifted

Going through the experience was awful and like you I worried that we were going to be screwed for K and beyond. But honestly we are now so so thankful for it because he's in such a better place due to the early intervention at preschool

OP Thanks! Were they also sensory seeking? Was Montessori too unstructured for them?

What kind of behavioral intervention did you do? ABA?

And what kind of preschool turned out supportive? What kinds of things did you look for?

Thank you!

OP, get your child to a developmental ped or at least child find for an evaluation. You don't do a neuropsych at that age. ABA is for kids with autism and insurance doesn't pay without a diagnosis.

We had a child with significant delays. What we found was a more structured program that had consistent routines and a schedule best over play based. Play based was terrible.

OP so if the program was not play based, what kinds of things did you look for to assess more structure?

We scheduled an ASD evaluation for January. This is the best we can do. Wait times are crazy in NYC.

January, few months is pretty good. We just looked for a program that had some academics (I know many are against that but it actually helped with many of the delays), structure - specific class times with same transitions daily, scheduled bathroom breaks, etc., and lots of consistency. We looked at a bunch of preschools and many my kid by their body language wasn't a fan and the one we really liked allowed us to do a 1/2 day visit and both the child didn't want to leave and the staff seemed to want them to stay so it was a win. We stayed a few years as they also had prek-2nd. Also, small class sizes are important for more 1-1 support. Some schools are more receptive if you have outside therapies to kids, which we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

OP

Thanks. He’s in a regular daycare now but we wanted to apply for PreK3 or K.

The issue is the school now is ok but they are not sophisticated in their approach to these issues.

A good school would likely have better teachers and staff who ate more sophisticated so I feel like he would receive more support.

It does not have to the very top but a good school who can afford to hire great teachers and staff.

Nope. Re-think that assumption, OP! The schools you perceive as "good" get and stay that way by rejecting or counseling out students who have these issues. So their teachers don't have to deal with it, and so that they don't have to provide support! It seems like you're looking to find a school with top test scores (or top something, dunno what) and just enough tolerance for special needs so that you can squeak in just over the acceptance line, but that kind of school *by definition* doesn't have a lot of students with special needs.

Not necessarily, but usually the case. The top schools aren't always the best. We looked for schools with college educated staff as a priority and just observed the interactions. Some of the stuff that went on at "top" preschools wasn't right for our family.

[Anonymous]

If you are close to NW DC, I would apply to NCRC and St Columba’s. Both have great early intervention programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are close to NW DC, I would apply to NCRC and St Columba’s. Both have great early intervention programs.

OP I am in the NYC area. Any ideas here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3yo had similar issues in a "top" Montessori preschool and ended up getting counseled out (the school handled it horribly but it was during the first full school year of covid so I try to give them some grace)

We ended up enrolling him in a behavioral intervention and it was honestly the best thing we could have done. I think he might have actually been ok-ish at 4 in a play-based pre-school but the behavioral intervention preschool gave him such better mastery of his behavior and body. He is now absolutely excelling in K and only gets glowing reports from all the activities he does and is flexible with changes in routine, transitions etc.

We still did a neuropsych when he turned 5 and he was Dx with anxiety, executive function issues (but not adhd) and profoundly gifted

Going through the experience was awful and like you I worried that we were going to be screwed for K and beyond. But honestly we are now so so thankful for it because he's in such a better place due to the early intervention at preschool

OP Thanks! Were they also sensory seeking? Was Montessori too unstructured for them?

What kind of behavioral intervention did you do? ABA?

And what kind of preschool turned out supportive? What kinds of things did you look for?

Thank you!

OP, get your child to a developmental ped or at least child find for an evaluation. You don't do a neuropsych at that age. ABA is for kids with autism and insurance doesn't pay without a diagnosis.

We had a child with significant delays. What we found was a more structured program that had consistent routines and a schedule best over play based. Play based was terrible.

OP so if the program was not play based, what kinds of things did you look for to assess more structure?

We scheduled an ASD evaluation for January. This is the best we can do. Wait times are crazy in NYC.

January, few months is pretty good. We just looked for a program that had some academics (I know many are against that but it actually helped with many of the delays), structure - specific class times with same transitions daily, scheduled bathroom breaks, etc., and lots of consistency. We looked at a bunch of preschools and many my kid by their body language wasn't a fan and the one we really liked allowed us to do a 1/2 day visit and both the child didn't want to leave and the staff seemed to want them to stay so it was a win. We stayed a few years as they also had prek-2nd. Also, small class sizes are important for more 1-1 support. Some schools are more receptive if you have outside therapies to kids, which we did.

OP What schools would fall in that bucket? Any ideas? Thanks so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

OP

Thanks. He’s in a regular daycare now but we wanted to apply for PreK3 or K.

The issue is the school now is ok but they are not sophisticated in their approach to these issues.

A good school would likely have better teachers and staff who ate more sophisticated so I feel like he would receive more support.

It does not have to the very top but a good school who can afford to hire great teachers and staff.

Nope. Re-think that assumption, OP! The schools you perceive as "good" get and stay that way by rejecting or counseling out students who have these issues. So their teachers don't have to deal with it, and so that they don't have to provide support! It seems like you're looking to find a school with top test scores (or top something, dunno what) and just enough tolerance for special needs so that you can squeak in just over the acceptance line, but that kind of school *by definition* doesn't have a lot of students with special needs.

Not necessarily, but usually the case. The top schools aren't always the best. We looked for schools with college educated staff as a priority and just observed the interactions. Some of the stuff that went on at "top" preschools wasn't right for our family.

Op Yes, our daycare does not have college-educated staff, at least not all.