Kid with sensory processing issue - can we apply to top private pre-K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have 3 children in a top private and one who was initially diagnosed w/ sensory issues and now will likely be getting an ASD diagnosis. Do not do this to your child. It will be a tricky road and, even if accepted for pre-k, will likely be counseled out by the end of lower school. I’d find more of a progressive private that is a middle ground bt rigorous and special needs. Something like burgundy farm

OP Thanks. Super helpful. I did find a progressive school which is wonderful but also amongst the top so imagine they would also screen him out. Not first tier but hard to get into. We’re in the NYC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sensory processing is not a diagnosis and it sounds like you need ot get your child evaluated with a real one. Any OT you will go to will say your child has it for a money grab.

Ignore this incorrect information...there is an anti-OT poster here who posts this all the time.

OP, I'd apply to the school and see what happens. Do you think this school is a good fit for your dc?

OP I think it is. But we were thinking maybe we should not apply until his issues are solved so that he does not get blacklisted if we need to reapply in the future.

His issues may never be "solved". Right now you don't know what you're dealing with. At 2 you only see the tip of the iceberg with some kids. Or, as sometimes happens with ASD, the issues may be manageable in elementary school but then become really challenging in middle school as social deficits, executive functioning, and other problems make it hard for him to manage in an age- appropriate way.

I'm curious why you think literally no public or private preschool near your house is adequate. Where on earth do you live? DCPS does preschool pretty well almost everywhere.

Parent the kid you have, not the kid you imagined. Often times a good public, where the kid has legal rights and cannot be kicked out without a lot of process, can be the best option for a child with these challenges.

Sincerely, an ASD mom who was in denial for far too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hitting and difficulty with transitions will be screened out.

OP Hitting has diminished significantly - he did it intensely for about 2 weeks after he started school and now he does it less and less. So hoping it will go away in another few weeks and therefore just a blip on his application.

Transitions are still tough - he does them but he needs extra time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sensory processing is not a diagnosis and it sounds like you need ot get your child evaluated with a real one. Any OT you will go to will say your child has it for a money grab.

Ignore this incorrect information...there is an anti-OT poster here who posts this all the time.

OP, I'd apply to the school and see what happens. Do you think this school is a good fit for your dc?

OP I think it is. But we were thinking maybe we should not apply until his issues are solved so that he does not get blacklisted if we need to reapply in the future.

His issues may never be "solved". Right now you don't know what you're dealing with. At 2 you only see the tip of the iceberg with some kids. Or, as sometimes happens with ASD, the issues may be manageable in elementary school but then become really challenging in middle school as social deficits, executive functioning, and other problems make it hard for him to manage in an age- appropriate way.

I'm curious why you think literally no public or private preschool near your house is adequate. Where on earth do you live? DCPS does preschool pretty well almost everywhere.

Parent the kid you have, not the kid you imagined. Often times a good public, where the kid has legal rights and cannot be kicked out without a lot of process, can be the best option for a child with these challenges.

Sincerely, an ASD mom who was in denial for far too long.

OP Makes sense and issues might come up. We are in the NYC area but not Manhattan.
We can move to the suburbs where the schools are good but both my husband and I commute into work most days and that would be 3 hours per day.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it sounds like a "top private" isn't gonna happen for you, at least not for preschool. Unless you have some other strong hook that you didn't mention.

I would suggest you give public schools a real chance. It's so great to have the actual right to services and know you won't be counseled out. If I had a nickel for every private school parent who thinks their child just needs a smaller class size or a little extra time, I'd be so rich. You seem to think that only a top or near-top (whatever that means) private is good enough, but why? There are lots of good public schools around NYC.

Can you afford outside therapies and a shadow, on top of "top private" tuition, by the way? Why can't you afford a good school district, if you can afford "top private" tuition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like a "top private" isn't gonna happen for you, at least not for preschool. Unless you have some other strong hook that you didn't mention.

I would suggest you give public schools a real chance. It's so great to have the actual right to services and know you won't be counseled out. If I had a nickel for every private school parent who thinks their child just needs a smaller class size or a little extra time, I'd be so rich. You seem to think that only a top or near-top (whatever that means) private is good enough, but why? There are lots of good public schools around NYC.

Can you afford outside therapies and a shadow, on top of "top private" tuition, by the way? Why can't you afford a good school district, if you can afford "top private" tuition?

OP I can afford a good school district but would need to move to the suburbs and both my husband and I work in the city. We commute almost every day and it would mean that we spend even less time with a young kid with special needs. So would prefer to put him into a private if I can so that we see him more. I’ll also try to convince my husband to move to Manhattan though we the good public schools there are G&T which my kid might not qualify for. And we wouod afford a small two bedroom there which my husband does not want. I’d prefer that to moving to the suburbs but he would not.

[Anonymous]

Op I agree with others that while I hope what you’re seeing now is a blip, in my experience with my son it wasn’t a blip and I think that’s more common. It doesn’t mean he not an awesome kid at 5, he’s amazing. But sensory issues don’t usually travel alone (for my kid it ended up being anxiety and maybe some adhd - we’re still trying to figure it out). He did have huge improvement in the more “aggressive” behaviors as he got older in preschool but still then struggled with other things. So it may help to go into this finding options for if your child continues to need extra support in some areas.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear. He’s so young and some of this behavior is within some range of normal for kids at that age but when teachers are identifying it it often is something that continues to need some support just shifts over time. For example my son went through a time where he bit other kids. Some kids go through a phase like that and it’s short lived and doesn’t mean anything, but for my son the biting stopped but he still struggles a little more with frustration tolerance than other kids his age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like a "top private" isn't gonna happen for you, at least not for preschool. Unless you have some other strong hook that you didn't mention.

I would suggest you give public schools a real chance. It's so great to have the actual right to services and know you won't be counseled out. If I had a nickel for every private school parent who thinks their child just needs a smaller class size or a little extra time, I'd be so rich. You seem to think that only a top or near-top (whatever that means) private is good enough, but why? There are lots of good public schools around NYC.

Can you afford outside therapies and a shadow, on top of "top private" tuition, by the way? Why can't you afford a good school district, if you can afford "top private" tuition?

OP I can afford a good school district but would need to move to the suburbs and both my husband and I work in the city. We commute almost every day and it would mean that we spend even less time with a young kid with special needs. So would prefer to put him into a private if I can so that we see him more. I’ll also try to convince my husband to move to Manhattan though we the good public schools there are G&T which my kid might not qualify for. And we wouod afford a small two bedroom there which my husband does not want. I’d prefer that to moving to the suburbs but he would not.

I’m sorry op this sounds hard! I agree it sounds like long commutes wouldn’t be a good idea. Actually the thing that has helped my son the most (pp here who just posted about 5 year old) is a shorter day at preschool. So I think your considerations of that are smart. I don’t know the nyc system but can’t you choose just a regular private preschool (that is just a preschool) and then apply for kindergarten at that time? You will learn sooo much about what your kid needs to thrive in the next 3 years. I would avoid making major decision for k-8

[Anonymous]

OP

Yes that is likely the route we will take and see where he is for K.

In our area all of the private preschools, even the ones who are ok but not amazing, require an application and a teacher recommendation. So I don’t know if he will get in anywhere I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

Yes that is likely the route we will take and see where he is for K.

In our area all of the private preschools, even the ones who are ok but not amazing, require an application and a teacher recommendation. So I don’t know if he will get in anywhere I guess?

Well, the non-"top" schools have to fill their seats somehow, and what you describe is not unusual for his age. I think it's more a question of what you yourself wiill accept, since you seem to have planned on "top private" and are having to re-think that now.

Really, "top private" may not be best for your child even if he could get in. Try to focus on your child's needs with an open mind about how to fulfill them.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I agree op there have to be options. I don’t know your area but our preschool has worked very well with our son. We didn’t have any flags before we applied there but even so, nothing you’re describing is extreme so you should be able to find a good fit

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your unwilling to join any club that would have you as a member, in the words of Groucho Marx. You gotta accept that "top" is not available to you right now and would likely not serve your child well in the long run. Is it a blip? Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe you are going to be in non-"top" forever and you may come to love those schools for their willingness to embrace your child. Millions of city dwellers have to make their peace with commute vs school quality.

It's important that you model flexibility for your child. Kids who struggle with transitions often do so because of cognitive rigidity. They aren't flexible enough to accept that the new or unfamiliar activity may be as good as what they're doing now. Is the apple falling from the tree here? You seem convinced that there is no solution and you might be better served by a flexible and open mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your unwilling to join any club that would have you as a member, in the words of Groucho Marx. You gotta accept that "top" is not available to you right now and would likely not serve your child well in the long run. Is it a blip? Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe you are going to be in non-"top" forever and you may come to love those schools for their willingness to embrace your child. Millions of city dwellers have to make their peace with commute vs school quality.

It's important that you model flexibility for your child. Kids who struggle with transitions often do so because of cognitive rigidity. They aren't flexible enough to accept that the new or unfamiliar activity may be as good as what they're doing now. Is the apple falling from the tree here? You seem convinced that there is no solution and you might be better served by a flexible and open mind.

OP Yes, this is a recent development and I struggle with moving to the suburbs so trying to understand what are our options / how we can sequence. If I have to move I will move for my child of course but looking at other options. What I think most likely we will do is try to get into him into decent private program through elementary-see how he does, do his sensory issues disappear, does he actually have autism and if he does, move to the suburbs in late elementary/middle school. Then he goes to bed later and he is more independent so my commute wouod not impact him as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your unwilling to join any club that would have you as a member, in the words of Groucho Marx. You gotta accept that "top" is not available to you right now and would likely not serve your child well in the long run. Is it a blip? Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe you are going to be in non-"top" forever and you may come to love those schools for their willingness to embrace your child. Millions of city dwellers have to make their peace with commute vs school quality.

It's important that you model flexibility for your child. Kids who struggle with transitions often do so because of cognitive rigidity. They aren't flexible enough to accept that the new or unfamiliar activity may be as good as what they're doing now. Is the apple falling from the tree here? You seem convinced that there is no solution and you might be better served by a flexible and open mind.

OP Yes, this is a recent development and I struggle with moving to the suburbs so trying to understand what are our options / how we can sequence. If I have to move I will move for my child of course but looking at other options. What I think most likely we will do is try to get into him into decent private program through elementary-see how he does, do his sensory issues disappear, does he actually have autism and if he does, move to the suburbs in late elementary/middle school. Then he goes to bed later and he is more independent so my commute wouod not impact him as much.

That seems very reasonable and of course you don't want a move and a long commute. Just don't box yourself into thinking that the schools that will accept your child aren't any good. There are lots of good private schools in NYC if you can get your head out of the "top" concept and be more flexible. We parents are our own worst problem sometimes. Best of luck to you and your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP

Yes that is likely the route we will take and see where he is for K.

In our area all of the private preschools, even the ones who are ok but not amazing, require an application and a teacher recommendation. So I don’t know if he will get in anywhere I guess?

Well, the non-"top" schools have to fill their seats somehow, and what you describe is not unusual for his age. I think it's more a question of what you yourself wiill accept, since you seem to have planned on "top private" and are having to re-think that now.

Really, "top private" may not be best for your child even if he could get in. Try to focus on your child's needs with an open mind about how to fulfill them.

OP Good private would be just fine for me.