Kid with sensory processing issue - can we apply to top private pre-K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sensory processing is not a diagnosis and it sounds like you need ot get your child evaluated with a real one. Any OT you will go to will say your child has it for a money grab.

Ignore this incorrect information...there is an anti-OT poster here who posts this all the time.

OP, I'd apply to the school and see what happens. Do you think this school is a good fit for your dc?

OP I think it is. But we were thinking maybe we should not apply until his issues are solved so that he does not get blacklisted if we need to reapply in the future.

His issues may never be "solved". Right now you don't know what you're dealing with. At 2 you only see the tip of the iceberg with some kids. Or, as sometimes happens with ASD, the issues may be manageable in elementary school but then become really challenging in middle school as social deficits, executive functioning, and other problems make it hard for him to manage in an age- appropriate way.

I'm curious why you think literally no public or private preschool near your house is adequate. Where on earth do you live? DCPS does preschool pretty well almost everywhere.

Parent the kid you have, not the kid you imagined. Often times a good public, where the kid has legal rights and cannot be kicked out without a lot of process, can be the best option for a child with these challenges.

Sincerely, an ASD mom who was in denial for far too long.

OP Makes sense and issues might come up. We are in the NYC area but not Manhattan.
We can move to the suburbs where the schools are good but both my husband and I commute into work most days and that would be 3 hours per day.

OP You were always going to need some back up childcare if you and your husband work a normal day. Top schools are not 7:30-6:30 for children. Wanting to send your kid to a top school because you have childcare needs that can't be met by a half-day program doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

OP as a recent New Yorker I don't know why you would want to move from wherever you are (Brooklyn? Queens?) to Manhattan. It's very expensive and you will be paying a lot more for your two bedroom with rents what they are.

Would you consider moving to Pelham or Bronxville? These school systems are decent/good, the commutes from these areas are fairly short, and you are outside the city so saving a bit on taxes. With a child the may have different needs you may want to move to an area where the public schools are decent because if private school doesn't work for whatever reason your kid will be going to public school or you will be homeschooling them. Maybe try to make it so the default option is one that you can live with.

You wrote a lot about your child's sensory and behavior issues, but I don't recall reading anything about your child's interests. Consider what situations he does well in - are they situations in which he gets to be outdoors, where he is around kids of different ages, where he is allowed to hyper focus, where he can read a lot. Think about what you would tell an admissions counselor about your child and why he would be a good fit for a school and then use that criteria to look at area schools. Perhaps instead of looking at top-tier NYC schools that are incredibly competitive and might be a disaster for your child, you can send him to a well-regarded Montessori or progressive program for Pre-K and K and then evaluate based on how he does in that environment.

Getting your child into a top program isn't the end and as someone else already wrote, if it's not a good fit then it can be more traumatic than beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sensory processing is not a diagnosis and it sounds like you need ot get your child evaluated with a real one. Any OT you will go to will say your child has it for a money grab.

Ignore this incorrect information...there is an anti-OT poster here who posts this all the time.

OP, I'd apply to the school and see what happens. Do you think this school is a good fit for your dc?

OP I think it is. But we were thinking maybe we should not apply until his issues are solved so that he does not get blacklisted if we need to reapply in the future.

His issues may never be "solved". Right now you don't know what you're dealing with. At 2 you only see the tip of the iceberg with some kids. Or, as sometimes happens with ASD, the issues may be manageable in elementary school but then become really challenging in middle school as social deficits, executive functioning, and other problems make it hard for him to manage in an age- appropriate way.

I'm curious why you think literally no public or private preschool near your house is adequate. Where on earth do you live? DCPS does preschool pretty well almost everywhere.

Parent the kid you have, not the kid you imagined. Often times a good public, where the kid has legal rights and cannot be kicked out without a lot of process, can be the best option for a child with these challenges.

Sincerely, an ASD mom who was in denial for far too long.

OP Makes sense and issues might come up. We are in the NYC area but not Manhattan.
We can move to the suburbs where the schools are good but both my husband and I commute into work most days and that would be 3 hours per day.

OP You were always going to need some back up childcare if you and your husband work a normal day. Top schools are not 7:30-6:30 for children. Wanting to send your kid to a top school because you have childcare needs that can't be met by a half-day program doesn't make sense.

OP here

Yes of course. But now if I leave work at 530 I get home by 6. If I move to the suburbs I will get home at 7 and he goes to bed by 8. So I get to spend much more time with him. And before people suggest, I do log back in after he goes to bed at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP as a recent New Yorker I don't know why you would want to move from wherever you are (Brooklyn? Queens?) to Manhattan. It's very expensive and you will be paying a lot more for your two bedroom with rents what they are.

Would you consider moving to Pelham or Bronxville? These school systems are decent/good, the commutes from these areas are fairly short, and you are outside the city so saving a bit on taxes. With a child the may have different needs you may want to move to an area where the public schools are decent because if private school doesn't work for whatever reason your kid will be going to public school or you will be homeschooling them. Maybe try to make it so the default option is one that you can live with.

You wrote a lot about your child's sensory and behavior issues, but I don't recall reading anything about your child's interests. Consider what situations he does well in - are they situations in which he gets to be outdoors, where he is around kids of different ages, where he is allowed to hyper focus, where he can read a lot. Think about what you would tell an admissions counselor about your child and why he would be a good fit for a school and then use that criteria to look at area schools. Perhaps instead of looking at top-tier NYC schools that are incredibly competitive and might be a disaster for your child, you can send him to a well-regarded Montessori or progressive program for Pre-K and K and then evaluate based on how he does in that environment.

Getting your child into a top program isn't the end and as someone else already wrote, if it's not a good fit then it can be more traumatic than beneficial.

OP thanks I will look at bronxville and Pelham, since they are closer than the CT suburbs.

Montessori would probably not work for him. He’s hyperactive.

Progressive might work though the school tells me he does better with structure.

[Anonymous]

I did not read through all the posts but wanted to say my kid is a sensory seeker and at top 3 doing really well in Kindergarten. I wouldn't rule it out but I would get good intervention now and keep an open and flexible attitude. I cant tell you how many times I was told kid would have ADHD and one preschool we were at briefly was a terrible fit. My kid bit other kids under 18 months, played roughly, came home with I don't know how many bloody noises from crashing into things. Long story short we got OT early and used DC Early Stages intervention to get free developmental therapy and in home OT services. During the pandemic we paid for private OT. My kids worst sensory year was 2 - we did not seem on a good path but followed the advice doing the sensory diet, lots of physical play, found a supportive preschool (not one of the prestigious ones), gave our kiddo lots of queues, warnings, countdowns and a lot more structure. We were told if the sensory diet is properly implemented and works then they are not hyperactive but will need support until they learn to deal with transitions, extra energy, and sitting still. As we entered pre-K3 we noticed a lot of improvement with bedtime routines, following instructions, focus and attention but were still struggling with sitting still. We decided to look at privates and got testing. Throughout preschool we got feedback that kid was excelling at communications and with art but was very energetic, and physical. Ed testing confirmed this so we applied to several schools and a top 3 on whim and were accepted. Kiddo was discharged from all services mid-way through PK4 but we still work closely with teachers to make sure we are on track and these issues are not resurfacing. It is too early to say how this will pan it in the long-term and we remain open to moving to another private if is best. It was an emotional roller coaster because at some point we let go of the expectation that our could would thrive in a competitive environment (though I think all Kindergartens are pretty supportive) and focus on other options. So it was heard to accept that a top 3 might be a fit.

Hang in there and keep an open mind. Two was a very hard year for us and I really worried how my kid would thrive in school but at least some kids do improve with age and therapy and even those that progress to an ADHD diagnosis have some great treatment options and thrive with support.

[Anonymous]

I have to ask this question, because this is a world I have zero context for: what makes a preschool “top”? Or even merely “good”? And who decides this, on the basis of what criteria?

Sorry, I’m just baffled by this concept!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know but I feel like the difference between 2 & 3 for the behaviors you’re talking about is night and day. You may find he’s very different when it’s time to apply for pre-K.

OP we had noticed a series of sensory issues ourselves. Although he does not show other signs of autism we will also schedule an appointment for him to be evaluated but the waitlists in our area are 6 months to a year so we will not get a definitive answer for a while. maybe it’s for the better. I am fairly certain with an autism diagnosis, no good private preK would accept him.

Could also be something like ADHD. Our kid who had sensory issues and inability to transition at 2 was diagnosed w/severe ADHD at 5. Medication btw has been a game changer. Honestly, if you're interested in a private I'd keep working with OT as it can help a lot and keep being very deliberate with your thought process. You don't want to be counseled out. It could really effect your kid. Mine talked about it constantly for a solid year. He's doing really well now but not waiting until we had things figured out was the worst mistake we made.

+1 Sensory issues, ADHD (with medication) and eventual ASD diagnosis (early ones not conclusive). Counseled out of private in K.

[Anonymous]

My 3yo had similar issues in a "top" Montessori preschool and ended up getting counseled out (the school handled it horribly but it was during the first full school year of covid so I try to give them some grace)

We ended up enrolling him in a behavioral intervention and it was honestly the best thing we could have done. I think he might have actually been ok-ish at 4 in a play-based pre-school but the behavioral intervention preschool gave him such better mastery of his behavior and body. He is now absolutely excelling in K and only gets glowing reports from all the activities he does and is flexible with changes in routine, transitions etc.

We still did a neuropsych when he turned 5 and he was Dx with anxiety, executive function issues (but not adhd) and profoundly gifted

Going through the experience was awful and like you I worried that we were going to be screwed for K and beyond. But honestly we are now so so thankful for it because he's in such a better place due to the early intervention at preschool

[Anonymous]

Op - I am also in nyc and kid at top preschool that went through elementary. Dc got eval age 2 at the request of the school and dx with ‘sensory issues and fine motor delay’. Had difficulty with transitions - no hitting. Dc is still in the school age 9. We did eventually get an adhd dx (our psych tells us that ‘sensory issues and fine motor delay’ are just them saying adhd before you are allowed to dx it). Being in a top private meant that we were essentially getting early intervention all day in many ways bc small class size and very experienced teachers who can flex to support kid. I would keep him there and work with the school by getting him a seit and ot. I wish there was a messaging feature or I’d say message me! Typically they counsel out if you won’t work with them or issues are severe but first they will hope to see improvement.

[Anonymous]

You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

Take a breath lady, nowhere did PP say they can’t go to a top school - just that the focus should be on the right school for that particular kid (which is good advice for all kids!!) versus just looking at the rankings as the only criteria

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should focus on what would be a good fit for your actual child rather than "top" preschools. This is a bigger issue.

Hold up a second and hard no on this.
1- I live in nyc and kid at private and at least 50% of boys in ny privates are asked for evaluations. It’s partly an insurance policy in case they need to counsel out to keep their tt/ ivies emissions in shape
2 - many of our kids fall into a neurodiverse category now more than ever. We should never assume too tier privates can’t accommodate that - it depends on the kid. Pretty sure if they were at school in 2022 aged 8 that bill gates and Elon would have had their asd dx by age 8. Doesn’t mean they don’t belong in too tier private any more than op’s kid walloping some other 2 year olds means op should necessarily pull him out. If he’s unhappy? Yes. If his needs are not able to be met? Yes. We don’t know that yet
3. - tbe better we enable our kids to get to know themselves the more diagnoses we will find and schools need to adapt. Op - don’t assume your kid can’t run in the big leagues. Happiness first but you are his mother and you will notice if that’s being sacrificed. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

Take a breath lady, nowhere did PP say they can’t go to a top school - just that the focus should be on the right school for that particular kid (which is good advice for all kids!!) versus just looking at the rankings as the only criteria

Pp was unnecessarily scaring op whose child’s track may end up being well within what a top private can handle.
I was reacting to the assumption that a child dx with adhd or asd cannot thrive in a top tier school. In some cases that is true but our kids deserve not to be sold short as a blanket assumption or for us to be alarmists. I have 2 kids that went through nyc private top tier preschools and these teachers have half the class eval for behaviors like this. It is very very common and not necessarily the de facto number one consideration - YET

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not read through all the posts but wanted to say my kid is a sensory seeker and at top 3 doing really well in Kindergarten. I wouldn't rule it out but I would get good intervention now and keep an open and flexible attitude. I cant tell you how many times I was told kid would have ADHD and one preschool we were at briefly was a terrible fit. My kid bit other kids under 18 months, played roughly, came home with I don't know how many bloody noises from crashing into things. Long story short we got OT early and used DC Early Stages intervention to get free developmental therapy and in home OT services. During the pandemic we paid for private OT. My kids worst sensory year was 2 - we did not seem on a good path but followed the advice doing the sensory diet, lots of physical play, found a supportive preschool (not one of the prestigious ones), gave our kiddo lots of queues, warnings, countdowns and a lot more structure. We were told if the sensory diet is properly implemented and works then they are not hyperactive but will need support until they learn to deal with transitions, extra energy, and sitting still. As we entered pre-K3 we noticed a lot of improvement with bedtime routines, following instructions, focus and attention but were still struggling with sitting still. We decided to look at privates and got testing. Throughout preschool we got feedback that kid was excelling at communications and with art but was very energetic, and physical. Ed testing confirmed this so we applied to several schools and a top 3 on whim and were accepted. Kiddo was discharged from all services mid-way through PK4 but we still work closely with teachers to make sure we are on track and these issues are not resurfacing. It is too early to say how this will pan it in the long-term and we remain open to moving to another private if is best. It was an emotional roller coaster because at some point we let go of the expectation that our could would thrive in a competitive environment (though I think all Kindergartens are pretty supportive) and focus on other options. So it was heard to accept that a top 3 might be a fit.


OP
Thanks for sharing. Glad it worked out for you guys.

Is developmental therapy different than OT?

Our child is also a sensory seeker.

How long did OT take to start working?

What kinds of support did the preschool provide?



Hang in there and keep an open mind. Two was a very hard year for us and I really worried how my kid would thrive in school but at least some kids do improve with age and therapy and even those that progress to an ADHD diagnosis have some great treatment options and thrive with support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know but I feel like the difference between 2 & 3 for the behaviors you’re talking about is night and day. You may find he’s very different when it’s time to apply for pre-K.

OP we had noticed a series of sensory issues ourselves. Although he does not show other signs of autism we will also schedule an appointment for him to be evaluated but the waitlists in our area are 6 months to a year so we will not get a definitive answer for a while. maybe it’s for the better. I am fairly certain with an autism diagnosis, no good private preK would accept him.

Could also be something like ADHD. Our kid who had sensory issues and inability to transition at 2 was diagnosed w/severe ADHD at 5. Medication btw has been a game changer. Honestly, if you're interested in a private I'd keep working with OT as it can help a lot and keep being very deliberate with your thought process. You don't want to be counseled out. It could really effect your kid. Mine talked about it constantly for a solid year. He's doing really well now but not waiting until we had things figured out was the worst mistake we made.

+1 Sensory issues, ADHD (with medication) and eventual ASD diagnosis (early ones not conclusive). Counseled out of private in K.

OP sorry to hear that. What was the ultimate reason they were counseled out?