Do you regret having babies past 35?
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Anonymous
*15 |
Anonymous
| If you look at the recent thread on the general parenting forum, there’s a group of strongly opinionated women (presumably) who think after 35 is the only acceptable age to have children. Go figure! |
Anonymous
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Yes. Had three kids at 37, 41 and 44. Love them, obviously, and all that good stuff, and it's not like I could have them younger because I didn't meet my husband till 35.
But if I could design my life, I would opt to have them all before 30 or 32, tops. |
Anonymous
There are regrets and resentments with both scenarios. For instance, I don't love potty training and preschool pickups while my peers have kids in college already. |
Anonymous
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Oh look, teen mom is trying to stir up trouble again.
Nope, so happy I had my 20s to party and travel and make and spend a lot of money on frivolous things that only 20-somethings can spend it on, Those opportunities just aren't available to 40+ empty nesters, as much y'all think you are going to be fabulous in your 40s, you won't be partying in Ibiza and Goa and having a lot of hot, hot sex with people you just met. #sorrynotsorry Also, now I have a shit ton of money to spend on my kids and amazing experiences for them (still having hot, hot sex, just not with strangers, rather with one of the people I met overseas). |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
You're making this emotional and it isn't. I mean lots of people never visit Goa or Ibiza, in fact, I'd say a minority does. You can always have lots of hot hot sex with people you've just met right here. Not everyone values being fabulous. I think so many of these discussions predictably devolve into mudslinging as people perceive them as personal attacks. I also think that the discussion of "choosing" to have children late is often misguided when it presents this as a choice. For many of us, it isn't. Like, we didn't meet a man who was willing to marry and procreate until 35+; if we did, we would have easily have children earlier. It's not about regretting your life. It's about, in retrospect, if I could design it all from scratch, would I choose the same thing or not? Of course we never have this chance but it's fun to reflect. |
Anonymous
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I had my kids between 35 and 40 but my mother had me extremely young ( 20 and I have an older brother). So I will say it is extreme ends of the spectrum but my parents were extremely emotionally immature and unsettled financially.
The emotional immaturity of a parent is something that can impact you for a lifetime. If I could design my life in retrospect, I would say between 30 and 35 is ideal. You are on your way to financial freedom and have a balance of maturity without being “ older” parents. My life took me down a slightly different path and I had kids at an older age. We have a good marriage, our kids are loved and we can provide everything they need financially. I will say as you turn the corner towards 50, you realize we aren’t around forever and that can be hard when you still have young kids. |
Anonymous
Yes. It wasn’t a choice to have kids late. For me I reached a certain age and realized either I could have a child without a partner or wait for a partner and risk never having a child. So there was a choice to have a child but would never have designed my life to have a child this late. Of course I am a much much better parent now than I would have been in my 20s and 30s and my health is much better so no regrets. However I would advise people to have kids earlier than I did if they are in a position to. No goa or Ibiza or hot sex life for me when I was younger - just work/school and being ill and trying to survive. Adding a kid to the mix then would have been a very bad idea. |
Anonymous
| No. |
Anonymous
| Nope. Had #3 and #4 at 35 and 38. They're great. |
Anonymous
| yes. SN. |
Anonymous
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I had my children at 19, 21 + 23.
Had regrets when they were younger since I did not get to go to college and financially things were always a struggle. The trajectory of my entire life changed and I mourned my missed opportunities for higher education, travel as well as social adventures. Giving up my entire freedom was a bitter pill to swallow - but I knew that I got myself into the position that I was in. Fast forward, I am now working as a Nanny and have worked for many families. Sure they live in nicer homes than I did & they have money to buy their kids better toys as well as the option to travel more. But some of the parents have remarked to me that they envy me because they say working while running after kids in their 30’s is tiring. They say they envy me that I got to have my forties (+ beyond) carefree and responsibility free. I personally am relieved that at fifty three, I am not chasing kids or raising teenagers but I will always feel bad that I couldn’t provide better for my own kids. There are trade offs on both sides I suppose. |
Anonymous
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No regrets. Met my husband at 30, struggled with infertility for a few years and then started having babies at 35.
In a perfect world I would’ve met my husband at 25, had a kickass career rocking and had babies starting at 30… but that wasn’t reality for me. I think the way bigger issue is waiting to have kids until you have the emotional and financial ability - and maturity - to meet your kids’ needs. Maybe that’s at 23, maybe that’s at 37. |
Anonymous
| I don't regret being over 35 but I do regret being fat. I believe it caused medical issues. |