Do you regret having babies past 35?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is always such a weird question (as is its counterpart, "do you regret having kids young," though you don't see that much on DCUM which definitely skews anti-older mom. I heard that one more growing up in the Midwest and always thought it was a stupid question too). I mean, what, are people going to send their kids back if they 'regret' having had them at some randomly selected age? What's messed up with you right now, OP, that you're thinking this way?

Um, people are allowed to reflect and share.
What’s messed up with you that you can’t just answer a question or keep it moving?

[Anonymous]

No, I don’t regret having my babies. I always wanted kids and I’m glad it finally worked out for me. I started trying at 30, finally had my first at 35, second at 38, both via ivf. I think most people have them when they can if they want them - when they meet their partner, when they can conceive, when they can afford IVF or adoption if it doesn’t work out otherwise, or other reasons may push that later into life.

[Anonymous]

I wish i started earlier. I was 34 and 38 when i had mine. Bu met Dh at 30.

[Anonymous]

First and only at 39. Never one second of regret.

[Anonymous]

No I had my first and only at 41. So I wish I hadn’t had miscarriages at 34, 35, 37, and 39. Yes. Life happens to some of us…

[Anonymous]

35 and 38. It was all fine. Stable finances and relationship. Able to save $$ for college. No regrets but would have definitely, definitely not have wanted a third- either third pregnancy or third child, hence the vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Two kids, 40 and 45. If I had to go back and re-do everything I would have started around 37 so the last one could have come just a smidge earlier.

[Anonymous]

No regrets at all. I had one kid at 37 and it's the best decision I've ever made. I was actually just thinking this morning that it's crazy but motherhood has been literally everything I hoped it would be. I have a great relationship with my kid, as does her dad. I am so glad I had a baby after I worked through some lingering issues from my childhood and had a level of maturity that enables me to be the parent she needs. I'm also glad not to be parenting at a phase in my career where things are more up in the air or where there is more stress -- I have been able to move into a flexible job without losing seniority or pay rate. Best of both worlds.

Another reason I'm glad I waited is that it prevented me from having a second baby, which I know I would have wanted to otherwise. And a second kid would have been great in some ways, and I'm sure I would have loved them. But I think having one kid is a really practical thing for me and helps me to be a better mom to my kid and to take better care of myself. It reduces so much financial pressure and makes a lot of things easier.

It's just funny because I'm a total cliche (the older mom who only had one because she waited "too long") and I could not be happier about it.

[Anonymous]

Two kids at 37 and 41. We tried for earlier, but we dealt with infertility for 4 years before our first DD was conceived. Fortunately, I had easy pregnancies and deliveries. Sure, having both in my 30s would have been great, but that isn’t how things worked out. No regrets. I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything.

[Anonymous]

I “regret” that things don’t happen on my preferred timetable all the time. It’s the “you can have it all just not all at once” dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 29, 31, 34 and sometimes I regret not going for another around 40. So many of my friends (maybe even most of them) had kids in their 40s and it worked out great.

So funny, that sounds just like me. I am not 40 yet and so far I have no intention of going for a fourth.
To OP, I had my kids young (by DC standards) because I met an older man and he did not want to have kids at 50. I also have plenty of friends whom had kids in their late 30s and early 40s (my BFF had her first at 45!). They are happy and more established than I was or currently am. Having kids “young” (especially 3 kids) did not allow for my career to really take off. I am working, but I am not where I would like to be. I wouldn’t change a thing, but I wanted to mention the downside I found with having kids young before having a real career.

I am happy that I will hopefully be able to enjoy my grandkids and help my kids with them just like my mom and dad do for us and with our kids.

[Anonymous]

No. Wasn't financially, mentally, emotionally ready before hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:35 and 38. It was all fine. Stable finances and relationship. Able to save $$ for college. No regrets but would have definitely, definitely not have wanted a third- either third pregnancy or third child, hence the vasectomy.

+1 except I got my tubes tied after a csection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because I wanted kids and I love my kid. And I had her with the right guy, but if I'd had kids younger they would have had crap dads, parents stuck in a crap relationship, or a single mom.

This exactly. I would have loved kids younger, to enjoy parenting with people my age, but this is when I met the right guy. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

35 and 38 when I had my kids. No regrets at all. I do think I’d have had a third if I started younger though. We love having little kids and could swing another, but facing a third pregnancy at 40 is too much for me. (Note - I had complicated pregnancies both times and that’s a huge factor.) but, I am kind of neutral about that. I think two is actually the right number for us to manage and I’m kinda glad I can be firm and sure about stopping now.