Social Climbing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Join the right 7 clubs (CC and City - I would suggest 2 DC country clubs, a national golf focused club and then a city club in DC and one in NYC). I would also buy a second home in a place like Nantucket and join two more clubs - Sankaty and Westmoor are preferable. Then, hit the charity circuit hard (focusing an 3 key charities (perhaps one medical, one social development and one animal protection related) and expect to go about 150 to 1 million deep per year.

After all that, you are in. In.

What are the best charities to join?
What are the skills that are most sought after at the charity? E.g. Fundraising, marketing, program work, schlepping paper and pies and donated goods, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Join the right 7 clubs (CC and City - I would suggest 2 DC country clubs, a national golf focused club and then a city club in DC and one in NYC). I would also buy a second home in a place like Nantucket and join two more clubs - Sankaty and Westmoor are preferable. Then, hit the charity circuit hard (focusing an 3 key charities (perhaps one medical, one social development and one animal protection related) and expect to go about 150 to 1 million deep per year.

After all that, you are in. In.

What are the best charities to join?
What are the skills that are most sought after at the charity? E.g. Fundraising, marketing, program work, schlepping paper and pies and donated goods, etc.?

Kissing ass is most important

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why? As someone who comes from an upper class, old money family I don’t really understand why that is your goal. Most of the people in that world are boring or awful.

I run my family’s private foundation and give away millions of dollars a year to charitable causes. Doing the same, or finding a way to become connected with nonprofits is probably the best way to become enmeshed in this part of society. As I said not really sure why you’d want to, but that’s the “easiest” way. Start volunteering or join some committees and get involved in order to join.

Do you really not see the security and privilege of multi-generational wealth? Do you think that only upper class, old money is populated with boring and awful people? The fact of the matter is that there are boring and awful people in all strata of society, but the bonus of having a lot of money and social standing is economic security and social capital. Both of these things can help families weather tough times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Join the right 7 clubs (CC and City - I would suggest 2 DC country clubs, a national golf focused club and then a city club in DC and one in NYC). I would also buy a second home in a place like Nantucket and join two more clubs - Sankaty and Westmoor are preferable. Then, hit the charity circuit hard (focusing an 3 key charities (perhaps one medical, one social development and one animal protection related) and expect to go about 150 to 1 million deep per year.

After all that, you are in. In.

Yeah, that's the piece people are missing about the "volunteering." It's not the time or the organization. It's the $$$. You need the money first, and show that you are willing to donate it, to be able to be asked to be on the board of the major museums, schools, charities, etc.

This is crucial, as I don’t mind attending fundraiser dinners or golf tournament benefitting charity. But I would not want to have to be around any of the, you know - recipients?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why? As someone who comes from an upper class, old money family I don’t really understand why that is your goal. Most of the people in that world are boring or awful.

I run my family’s private foundation and give away millions of dollars a year to charitable causes. Doing the same, or finding a way to become connected with nonprofits is probably the best way to become enmeshed in this part of society. As I said not really sure why you’d want to, but that’s the “easiest” way. Start volunteering or join some committees and get involved in order to join.

Do you really not see the security and privilege of multi-generational wealth? Do you think that only upper class, old money is populated with boring and awful people? The fact of the matter is that there are boring and awful people in all strata of society, but the bonus of having a lot of money and social standing is economic security and social capital. Both of these things can help families weather tough times.

Of course I understand about multigenerational wealth and security - and sure there are awful people everywhere - I was simply trying to help op understand that she’s not missing much in terms of the social aspect of “upper class” vs her current life type.
Social standing is also extremely relative. Having “status” in one group doesn’t necessarily translate to another. I am extremely fortunate to come from privilege (and I spend my life giving away my family’s money to help others), but I have been uncomfortable or even fully ostracized in certain situations because I wasn’t like the others there. The fish out of water concept can happen anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar income and similar Ivy PhD husband with a solid GS-15 job, just over the FC border 1/2 mile into Arlington.

We ARE upper middle class. You ARE upper middle class. Anyone in middle America would look at our $1M 2400sq ft 1940s colonials and just see a $1M house 5 miles from DC. My friends back home in small town Ohio would look at the quality of our public schools, the types of people my kids are exposed to, the quality and range of restaurants and stores that are easily accessible to us and be jealous. I grew up where my friends parents were all teachers, skilled factory workers, plumbers, truck drivers, and small business wonders. Small business like the local carpet and tile store, not a boutique IT firm consulting on Federal contracts. The adults in my kids lives are all lawyers, lobbyists, GS15s and SES execs, journalists at nationally known publications, authors who get interviewed on the news, experts who contribute thought leadership on national policy.

What part of upper class / upper middle class life do you want that you are missing?
A big, fancy house like on HGTV? Move west to Ashburn or Leesburg.
International vacations? Private School? Prioritize your budget.
Galas, balls, and society events? Find some causes or organizations you are passionate about and volunteer and get involved.
Sending your kids to cotillion? You can do that.
Joining a country club? You can do that. But unless it benefits your career with connections and a place to entertain, I suggest the middle class NoVa networking version - join a pool and put your kids on summer swim team.
Plays, concerts, and fancy dinners? You can do that. D.C. is a quick Uber ride away.

But what is any of this for?
Are you networking to make career moves to increase earnings?
Are you positioning your kids to have peers that will also be striving for elite colleges and whose parents might serve as connections for internships and career advice?
Do you just want more interesting adult friends to talk to?

I find that so many people in the DC metro area have fascinating and impressive jobs and accomplishments that aren’t lucrative. Also a lot of smart and interesting people come to this area because they felt called to public service and if they didn’t come from family money, their life looks a lot like your current life. If you are writing off people in your current orbit, ask yourself why. If you are scheming and strategizing your friendships and your social interactions, people will see through your insincerity and you will end up worse off than if you just organically and sincerely cultivate relationships.

OP here. We actually rent an apartment. SO, not owning a house is one reason for feeling poor.

[Anonymous]

OP,
That is likely because you are living in falls church. Shop for a house in a normal person suburb instead and your UMC income will go much further.

But there are worlds of difference between the level of $$$$ at UC than UMC. UMC is high income and high savings normally but lifestyle tends to be not that over the top

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar income and similar Ivy PhD husband with a solid GS-15 job, just over the FC border 1/2 mile into Arlington.

We ARE upper middle class. You ARE upper middle class. Anyone in middle America would look at our $1M 2400sq ft 1940s colonials and just see a $1M house 5 miles from DC. My friends back home in small town Ohio would look at the quality of our public schools, the types of people my kids are exposed to, the quality and range of restaurants and stores that are easily accessible to us and be jealous. I grew up where my friends parents were all teachers, skilled factory workers, plumbers, truck drivers, and small business wonders. Small business like the local carpet and tile store, not a boutique IT firm consulting on Federal contracts. The adults in my kids lives are all lawyers, lobbyists, GS15s and SES execs, journalists at nationally known publications, authors who get interviewed on the news, experts who contribute thought leadership on national policy.

What part of upper class / upper middle class life do you want that you are missing?
A big, fancy house like on HGTV? Move west to Ashburn or Leesburg.
International vacations? Private School? Prioritize your budget.
Galas, balls, and society events? Find some causes or organizations you are passionate about and volunteer and get involved.
Sending your kids to cotillion? You can do that.
Joining a country club? You can do that. But unless it benefits your career with connections and a place to entertain, I suggest the middle class NoVa networking version - join a pool and put your kids on summer swim team.
Plays, concerts, and fancy dinners? You can do that. D.C. is a quick Uber ride away.

But what is any of this for?
Are you networking to make career moves to increase earnings?
Are you positioning your kids to have peers that will also be striving for elite colleges and whose parents might serve as connections for internships and career advice?
Do you just want more interesting adult friends to talk to?

I find that so many people in the DC metro area have fascinating and impressive jobs and accomplishments that aren’t lucrative. Also a lot of smart and interesting people come to this area because they felt called to public service and if they didn’t come from family money, their life looks a lot like your current life. If you are writing off people in your current orbit, ask yourself why. If you are scheming and strategizing your friendships and your social interactions, people will see through your insincerity and you will end up worse off than if you just organically and sincerely cultivate relationships.

OP here. We actually rent an apartment. SO, not owning a house is one reason for feeling poor.

I would start with buying a home in McLean, Chevy Chase or Potomac.

Yeah, renting an apartment would not really classify as making it. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Emulate the other poor girls that made it. Sleep with a rich man, get preggers, and get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you were probably not upper class in your own culture. It is hard to get the class and breeding if you are not the elite in your own culture.

Elites from other cultures who come here remain elites in the expat community and then they also have the wealth and SES in US. Since a good education is part and parcel of their DNA, they actually see marrying some WASP person a lowering of their own status.

Good advice has been given to start becoming involved with charitable foundations. Yes, your DH situation sounds like a bummer. Can he be atleast relied upon to remain by and large helpful and inoffensive?

Vomit. This is so over the top, I'm going to assume you are being tongue-in-cheek.

Honestly this is accurate and I don’t get why you’re so triggered. Are you a poor WASP or something? Most elites from other countries/cultures don’t want to marry a rich WASP just like rich WASPs don’t want to marry outside their own race. OP is a rube who thought marrying a professional white guy would elevate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$300k IS upper middle class.

Why do people say this all the time? It's really not. It's surely not poverty. But after taxes, daycare, food, fees for every effing thing, saving for college and retirement, that does not go very far. Certainly does not allow any sort of care free spending. We are still in our small starter home 20+ years later by choice, and drive a 15 year old car, and we still get raked over the coals on a salary not dissimilar from that. There's very little left.

Yeah. It’s upper middle class in the less populated areas of the Midwest and some of the south. It’s just getting by in any major city.

[Anonymous]

Get your name in the Green Book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your name in the Green Book

Based on the number of embarrassing social climbers in there, you can definitely buy you way in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Emulate the other poor girls that made it. Sleep with a rich man, get preggers, and get married.

This practice persists into 2022.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant and I have a dream. My dream is to ascend to the American upper middle to upper class. I was recently watching The Luckiest Girl in the World on Netflix and was intrigued by the machinations of the protagonist as she tries to escape her lower middle class roots. Truly though, how does one do this in real life?

I am not super pretty but I am thin. I am generally smart. I work at a local financial services company and live in Falls Church. I am married to my white American husband but he doesn't really bring much to the table in terms of my social climbing aspirations. He went to one of the local privates and an Ivy but he is a normal low key guy who prefers to go on hikes and play video games, lol. We do OK but not great, 300k
as of recently.

What can I do to raise my social status?

Grab Elon musk before World Class Social Climber Gold Digger Meghan Markle Sussex divorces milquetoast Prince Harry and goes after Musk

Actually, you sound as though you and Meghan are sisters.