In your opinion, do most parents love their children more than themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like my own parents get more and more self-involved the older they get. They are approaching retirement age now and expect me to make a lot of accommodations and sacrifices for them, neverminded that unlike them, I'm working a fulltime job and raising young children.

I thought we were talking about parents' feelings for their young children, still under their care. Not adults, like you, PP. That's asking a bit much. It's your turn to help them out now. That's the natural order of things.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think so. I love myself at least as much as I love my kids and more than I love my spouse. That doesn’t mean I don’t sacrifice for them, because I definitely do, but I always make sure I am also ok. If it really came down to a life or death situation I would die for my kids but not my spouse. He’s got to save himself. Fortunately that kind of choice is very unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your answer is yes or no, why or why not?

I think many mothers do and out heir childrens needs well before their needs. At some point they may be advised to do more “self care”, but it’s still imbalanced. They are alway worried about their kids, fulfilling kids needs (or even wants), and looking out for academic, athletic, social things that need addressing or not.

I have one easy kid, who’s a joy to watch at school, in the field, discuss their many friends. And the other on the spectrum and I have concerns and worries for many aspects of the now and later. But nothing I can much do beyond be there, find good therapists to try and set a good routine and social example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don’t love themselves all that much. That’s too bad.

Most people love their kids unconditionally, even when they being jerks.

Most people love their spouses conditionally and don’t take into consideration that their marriage will continue long after the kids leave the house.

And Yes, most female identifying parents put their own needs and desires second to the needs and desires of their children. Male identifying parents do it to, but with less frequency or amount of sacrifice. Is this done out of love? Sometimes. But sometimes it’s guilt, adhering to societal expectations, or convenience / expediency.

Do I love my children more than myself? No. I don’t think I do. Do I give up time I’d rather be napping or working on hobbies to do things they enjoy? Yes. Because it benefits me to raise happy, well adjusted future adults. Do I sometimes give my 5 yr old the last donut even though I wanted it? Yes, but not because I love him more than myself, but because I value the peace of not arguing more than than enjoyment of the pastry.

Agree.

I also think that as children grow into adults then the lack of love for oneself starts to manifest as narcissism.

I don’t buy it that all narcs are self loathing. They don’t think that way. They don’t see others needs, o ot carry on about themselves and their immediate needs. And, of course, how to manipulate others into doing what they want for themselves. They are not ever sitting around alone wallowing about their perceived weaknesses and insecurities; they don’t have the self awareness to think that way whatsoever. They think they’re great, and you’re crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your answer is yes or no, why or why not?

If not more all the time than at least same and often more than self.

[Anonymous]

More importantly how much adult children care for their parents?

[Anonymous]

I do. I’d give my life for them, literally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do. I’d give my life for them, literally.

This. Of course.

[Anonymous]

I have had the good fortune of being blessed with a wonderful family. My parents, siblings, DH, kids...we all are very attached to each other and I can say that my parents and siblings would have died for me when I was unmarried and lived at home with my birth family.

Now, that DH and I have our own children, we will happily give our lives for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t love myself. I love my kids. So it’s an easy answer.

Why not, if you don't mind my asking?

[Anonymous]

How do you determine? I mean, if I had to choose between having something terrible happen to me or my kids, I'd pick having it happen to me in order to spare my kids. So in that sense, definitely.

[Anonymous]

I think most parents would take a bullet for their child.

[Anonymous]

I love myself and take care of myself (finding adequate “me” time) yet would absolutely take a bullet for any one of my cubs. Not mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More importantly how much adult children care for their parents?

Start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In the sense that I would die so my children could live, certainly. I believe most parents would have that impulse.

This. In this sense, yes.