Age for first boyfriend/girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I agree.

My seventh grader’s teacher told them recently that their job was to spend the next 10 years understanding themselves and learning to be a good friend so that they can be the kind of person that their future spouse can rely on. Part of that might be dating later in high school, but there is no need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at 13. And that talk of crushes might make people feel uncomfortable around their peers at school.

I thought it was good advice. I liked his stance."

Nah. This isn't a brain thing, it's a mind and heart thing. Did you never have a mad crush on someone when you were in middle or high school?! That's not something you can control. It's just a feeling that is there. Maybe you choose to never act on it, but it's perfectly normal for a kid who hits puberty to feel that rush.

And even if it might avoid some angst and tears if they "wait" to have a romantic relationship, who thinks that waiting TEN long years makes any sense whatsoever??? I say this as someone who was an extremely high achiever in high school and went to HYSP and on to grad school, so don't start with the arguments that teenagers should focus on their studies and extracurriculars because they can do both. And the last message I would want to send to my teenage kids is that they should be preparing themselves for marriage. Marriage should be the last thing on their minds at that age.

The argument was that kids should focus on becoming better partners in the future and on being good and kind people to their classmates now.
Despite popular belief, having lots of extracurriculars and attending HYSP is not synonymous with being a good person or a good partner.

And if you aren’t going to talk to your kids about how to be a good person/partner or what to look for in a partner when they are teens, then when are you going to talk to them about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids. This is my take on today's scene.

Going out or dating our whatever you would call it starts in middle school. This typically involves almost no one on one time. They will call each other girlfriend and boyfriend though.

One on one outings and going to each other's houses I saw starting somewhat freshman year and by sophomore year a lot of kids doing this. Not by any means all kids.

I have a freshman and a junior and I agree with with this part. But, they are very strict about what the terms "dating" and "boyfriend/girlfriend" mean. In my kids' circles that means the same thing, when you are exclusive and an official couple, then you are dating and that person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are just talking, hanging out, making out, they will not use those terms. And, they will have sex before the label, so discuss your family values and birth control early and often!

100%

[Anonymous]

"And if you aren’t going to talk to your kids about how to be a good person/partner or what to look for in a partner when they are teens, then when are you going to talk to them about it?"

Reading comprehension is a great skill to sharpen, PP.

"And the last message I would want to send to my teenage kids is that they should be preparing themselves for marriage. Marriage should be the last thing on their minds at that age."

Nothing in this statement says that I don't believe in talking with a child about what traits indicate some might be a good marriage partner, or more importantly, modeling the behavior of a good marriage partner.

[Anonymous]

My DSs first was in 7th grade but it was a hardly-ever-actually-interact type thing. Summer before 8th he started dating someone else and they were very close: spending several days a week together (mostly in big groups), texting constantly, dinners and outings with each other’s families, etc. That level of relationship was rare in his friend group though.

Pretty similar to 17:26

[Anonymous]

There are likely many people not responding who have sophomores and juniors who have never had bf/gf and that’s ok. These questions don’t draw those responses.