Age for first boyfriend/girlfriend

[Anonymous]

DD 13/ BF 14 dated 1.5 year - broke up due to long distance relationship. Reconnect @ 18/19 at different college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this was me, not my child: In kindergarten I dragged a boy into the kitchen and said, "look Mom, isn't he cute!!?"

Held hands w/a boy in 5th grade. Our age said were were BF/GF.

First kiss -just one- in 7th grade. Months later, without anything else ever happening, it became my first devastating "break up". It took me months to get over it. Lots of crying.

Fast forward ~ to late HS, early college .. not telling you anymore. I am a believer that ordinary, emotionally healthy individuals make age appropriate, responsible decisions.

Is “late HS, early college” considered a late bloomer by 2022 standards ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this was me, not my child: In kindergarten I dragged a boy into the kitchen and said, "look Mom, isn't he cute!!?"

Held hands w/a boy in 5th grade. Our age said were were BF/GF.

First kiss -just one- in 7th grade. Months later, without anything else ever happening, it became my first devastating "break up". It took me months to get over it. Lots of crying.

Fast forward ~ to late HS, early college .. not telling you anymore. I am a believer that ordinary, emotionally healthy individuals make age appropriate, responsible decisions.

Is “late HS, early college” considered a late bloomer by 2022 standards ?

Np and am I wrong for thinking this generation is doing everything later than my generation (younger gen xer here)?...there was lots of sex happening by 9th,/10th grade in our friend group but it feels like things are slower paced now

Np

[Anonymous]

At DC's small high school that is pretty much all over achiever types, many kids were having sex by sophomore year. Almost all except for a few were having sex by late junior year. They all seemed so sweet and studious and well mannered. Well, they are. But they also have lots of sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman daughter. She is picky and turns everyone down so no boyfriend. Most of her friends have “dated” someone but I am not sure I’d call the vast majority actual dating. They hang out in groups still, it’s more a title for school clout. She has one friend who has a serious boyfriend and is on birth control etc but that’s it

The friend whose on bc could be taking the pill for a variety of health reasons - not just as BC. You don’t know for sure if she’s actually active with her boyfriend. Seems kinda young.

Agree. I put my daughter on it to regulate her crappy cycles which were all over the place. She is gay so there wasn't/isn't an issue of pregnancy unless she experiments LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At DC's small high school that is pretty much all over achiever types, many kids were having sex by sophomore year. Almost all except for a few were having sex by late junior year. They all seemed so sweet and studious and well mannered. Well, they are. But they also have lots of sex!

And so were all of us in the 80/90's and our parents in the 50/60's.

[Anonymous]

My DS is 11th grade- says he has no interest in a girlfriend right now b/c all his friends who are in relationships only complain and fight haha!! DD is in 9th grade and is finally interested in someone but def not in a "relationship". Up until now it was "have you SEEN the gross boys in my grade"? We are in a small town and these kids have been together since preschool so it also I think can feel really weird to suddenly think of them in a different way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman daughter. She is picky and turns everyone down so no boyfriend. Most of her friends have “dated” someone but I am not sure I’d call the vast majority actual dating. They hang out in groups still, it’s more a title for school clout. She has one friend who has a serious boyfriend and is on birth control etc but that’s it

The friend whose on bc could be taking the pill for a variety of health reasons - not just as BC. You don’t know for sure if she’s actually active with her boyfriend. Seems kinda young.

Agree. I put my daughter on it to regulate her crappy cycles which were all over the place. She is gay so there wasn't/isn't an issue of pregnancy unless she experiments LOL

You laugh at the notion of your daughter sexually experimenting?!
What the eff is wrong with you? You are disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At DC's small high school that is pretty much all over achiever types, many kids were having sex by sophomore year. Almost all except for a few were having sex by late junior year. They all seemed so sweet and studious and well mannered. Well, they are. But they also have lots of sex!

And so were all of us in the 80/90's and our parents in the 50/60's.

I dunno. I grew up in the 80/90s, and remember in HS lots of people talking about the girls who had sex as “slutty.” (The boys who did were heroes, of course). My friends and I were worried about that label, so a lot of us waited until college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman daughter. She is picky and turns everyone down so no boyfriend. Most of her friends have “dated” someone but I am not sure I’d call the vast majority actual dating. They hang out in groups still, it’s more a title for school clout. She has one friend who has a serious boyfriend and is on birth control etc but that’s it

The friend whose on bc could be taking the pill for a variety of health reasons - not just as BC. You don’t know for sure if she’s actually active with her boyfriend. Seems kinda young.

Agree. I put my daughter on it to regulate her crappy cycles which were all over the place. She is gay so there wasn't/isn't an issue of pregnancy unless she experiments LOL

You laugh at the notion of your daughter sexually experimenting?!
What the eff is wrong with you? You are disgusting.

DP.

First: that’s not what she said, and

Second:

[Anonymous]

There's a big difference between age of first boyfriend/girlfriend and age of first sexual intercourse. Some people seem to be mixing them up here.

I would say that first sex might be later for this generation, but there's nothing to indicate that having boyfriends/girlfriends is happening any later. That's more about the natural developmental stage of adolescence. However, there are lots of kids who went into a strange limbo space with respect to romantic relationships because of COVID. There are HS seniors who can't even talk to a potential boyfriend/girlfriend face to face without freaking out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think teens these days generally lack the maturity to handle a BF/GF before age 17.

I agree.

My seventh grader’s teacher told them recently that their job was to spend the next 10 years understanding themselves and learning to be a good friend so that they can be the kind of person that their future spouse can rely on. Part of that might be dating later in high school, but there is no need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at 13. And that talk of crushes might make people feel uncomfortable around their peers at school.

I thought it was good advice. I liked his stance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13 - relationship going on 7 months now. Mostly handholding and a few kisses. Primarily texting/talking via discord at night and on weekends.

Woah. That's pretty intense for such a young kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman daughter. She is picky and turns everyone down so no boyfriend. Most of her friends have “dated” someone but I am not sure I’d call the vast majority actual dating. They hang out in groups still, it’s more a title for school clout. She has one friend who has a serious boyfriend and is on birth control etc but that’s it

The friend whose on bc could be taking the pill for a variety of health reasons - not just as BC. You don’t know for sure if she’s actually active with her boyfriend. Seems kinda young.

She is on Depo Provera and I don’t think people use that for anything but birth control? And I know this kind of info bc my daughters friends tell me a lot bc I’m pretty chill and approachable.

Not judging by the way. Applaud her parents for being proactive. Her boyfriend is also a sweet kid (they are all friends). My husband was 13 when he lost his virginity, I was 18!

[Anonymous]

"I agree.

My seventh grader’s teacher told them recently that their job was to spend the next 10 years understanding themselves and learning to be a good friend so that they can be the kind of person that their future spouse can rely on. Part of that might be dating later in high school, but there is no need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at 13. And that talk of crushes might make people feel uncomfortable around their peers at school.

I thought it was good advice. I liked his stance."

Nah. This isn't a brain thing, it's a mind and heart thing. Did you never have a mad crush on someone when you were in middle or high school?! That's not something you can control. It's just a feeling that is there. Maybe you choose to never act on it, but it's perfectly normal for a kid who hits puberty to feel that rush.

And even if it might avoid some angst and tears if they "wait" to have a romantic relationship, who thinks that waiting TEN long years makes any sense whatsoever??? I say this as someone who was an extremely high achiever in high school and went to HYSP and on to grad school, so don't start with the arguments that teenagers should focus on their studies and extracurriculars because they can do both. And the last message I would want to send to my teenage kids is that they should be preparing themselves for marriage. Marriage should be the last thing on their minds at that age.